Jokes

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  • #94986

    Chris
    Member

    Whats a forum without a joke thread i’ll start

    A bra ,a set of jumper leads and a car battery go into a bar and sit at a table,the bra goes to the bar to get drinks,i’ll have 3 beers thanks say’s the bra no way say’s the barman why not say’s the bra,well your off your tits and your two mates look like they are going to start something

    #106377

    Greg
    Member

    Thats so funny, Karma coming your way

    #106378

    Chris
    Member

    Come on shorly you know some jokes to post here’s another one

    Three blokes in a bar a Pom a Yank and a Aussie ,the Pom says after i have sex with my wife i whisper sweet nothings in her ear and she rises two feet off the bed,thats nothing says the Yank after i have sex with my wife i kiss and cuddle her and she rises four feet off the bed, well says the Aussie after i root my missus i get up wipe my dick on the curtains and she hits the roof

    #106903

    Greg
    Member

    What the *&^% !

    #106379

    Chris
    Member

    Not another one who doesn’t get my jokes:silly:

    #106908

    Greg
    Member

    No no I get it badfun, but I just thought well I didnt maybe

    #106911

    Chris
    Member

    Keep em comin’ badfun..

    Should we have an official jokes forum!!! I think a HOTD is in order to.. (hottie of the day)..

    Chris.

    #106380

    Chris
    Member

    A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

    The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

    When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

    Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

    After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

    The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

    When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

    ‘It was Bob the next door neighbour,’ she replies.

    ‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

    #106997

    Nick Gilbert
    Member

    good karma badfun, them some funny jokes!

    #106381

    Anonymous

    Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time
    which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
    He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd
    diet, he suffered from bad breath.

    This made him… a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis

    #106382

    Chris
    Member

    About time someone posted a joke ….good one WR

    Baby seal walks into a bar

    Barman say’s what’ll you have

    Baby seal say’s anything but a canadian club

    #106383

    The Man Rules:

    At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
    Finally, the guy’s side of the story.(I must admit, its pretty good.)
    We always hear ‘the rules’From the female side.
    Now here are the rules from the male side.
    These are our rules!
    Please note.. These are all numbered ‘1’
    ON PURPOSE!
    1.Men are not mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat
    You’re a big girl. If its up put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1.Sunday sports
    It’s like the full moon, Or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1.Crying is blackmail.

    1.Ask for what you want.Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1.Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers. To almost every question.

    1.Come to us with a problem if only you want to help solving it.
    That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1.Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments Become Null and Void after 7 Days.

    1.If you think you’re fat,you probably are. Don’t ask us.

    1.If something we said can be interpreted two ways
    And one of the ways Makes you sad or angry,We meant the other one.

    1.You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it. Just do it your self.

    1.Whenever possible, please say what you have to say during the commercials.

    1.Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

    1.All men only see 16 colours ,like windows default settings, peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour, pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1.If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
    1.If we ask a question, you don’t want to answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

    1.When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything to you wear Is fine… Really.

    1.Don’t ask us what where thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as riding and riding.

    1.You have enough clothes, You have to many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

    1.Thank you for reading this, yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight,
    But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

    #107070

    Greg
    Member

    Nice Tiny, karma for that !

    #106384

    Chris
    Member

    A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin.”

    The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.”

    The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one guy.”

    “Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”

    “Tiger Woods.”

    “Tiger Woods, the golfer?”

    “Yeah.”

    “Well, he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.”

    The husband and wife then make passionate love.

    When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

    “What are you doing?” asks the wife.

    The husband says, “I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat.”

    “Tiger wouldn’t do that.”

    “Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”

    “He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”

    The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

    When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. “Now what are you doing?” she asks.

    The husband says, “I’m still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat.”

    “Tiger wouldn’t do that.”

    “Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”

    “He’d come back to bed and do it again.”

    The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

    When they finish he’s tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

    The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”

    “No! I’m calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole.”

    #107085

    Greg
    Member

    Getting better only just but getting better lol

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