My day is off to a great start!! NOT.

Got up at 4.45am and went through the usual routine. Turned the computer on and gave the kettle a rev up. Once the coffee was made, I went out on the back deck to have a ciggie (My idea of a hot breakfast). I was just sitting there staring off into the darkness, listening to the rain drizzle on my roof, when I heard some splashing from the pool. WTF is that, I thought, a koala maybe? Anyhow, I flicked on the flood lights to reveal on of my wife’s numerous cats doing laps of the pool,unable to get out off the water. So barefooted and dressed in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts,I set about rescuing the cat in the darkness and drizzling rain. Although cats hate water,they are bloody good swimmers and in its panicked state, it kept swimming to the other side of the pool, so I thought I would try and catch the Farking thing in the leaf net and just scoop it out. Simple, I thought. Every time I got it with the net, it would jump out again and land back in the water,at this stage I contemplated just holding the mongrel thing under with the net and acting dumb, when the kids found a dead cat in the pool. I managed to hunt the damn thing over to the ladder where it tried to climb out but kept slipping back into the water. The stupid thing then just sat on the top rung of the ladder exhausted, so I ran around to grab it , forgetting a lesson I learnt early in life about trying to catch a falling cat, as I have since found out that you dont try and grab a drowning cat either!! I grabbed it and wasn’t that a mistake!!! It latched onto my thumb that hard that its teeth have even pierced right through my thumb nail!! Now with copious amounts of blood spurting from my thumb, I still hadn’t managed to get the cat out of the pool. The bastard of a thing then found refuge inside the skimmer box of the pool, from which it was letting fly with the most mournful “meows” that seemed to be amplified in the early morning quietness by the skimmer box. At this stage I had called it every choice Australian adjective that I could muster, whilst trying not to wake the rest of the neighbourhood. By then my thumb was bleeding profusley and throbbing like a honeymooner’s tockley and I was over it, when a bright idea came to mind, take the lid off the skimmer box and the cat should climb out itself. A panicked cat sees no reasoning and it soon became obvious that the cat wasn’t going to save itself by coming out of the top of the skimmer box, so I tried to poke it with the end of the net pole, which it latched onto with its teeth so hard that I pulled the cat out of the skimmer by its teeth and it started doing laps again. In its exhausted state it kept going under water in the first stages of drowning, so I donned a pair of welding gloves, which I have also discovered in the past, offer minimal protection from a cat bite but more protection than bare skin. I then chased the cat around the pool and quickly grabbed it by its tail and in one quick motion, flung it by its tail out of the pool, where it landed in a exhausted heap. It then got up and staggered off into the darkness with out so much as a nod of appreciation, such is the way of cats. Now, to go inside and dress the thumb that was still bleeding like a stuck pig. No sooner did I walk in the back door, you wont believe this…….we had a freeking blackout!!! Pitch darkness now reigned supreme and I needed a band aid or the likes to stem the flow of life giving blood. The power finally came on as I was doing my best to stagger around in the darkness, heading for the shed to find the only torch that works to be able to find something to dress my thumb.
Man if that is the way this day is gunna flow I am going back to bed and stay there, as I dont need that sort of shit first thing on a Monday morning.