Heard a funny story made me think whats a dumb thing you have done

Had some friends and rellies up for a birthday dinner and had run out of chairs at the dining table. I grabbed the chair out of the office that has wheels. As I came into the lounge room I pushed the chair as fast as I could with the intentions of jumping on the seat with my knees and rolling to my spot at the table. Unfortunately when my wieght hit the chair it dug into the carpet causing me to do a superman over the backrest must to the delight of our guests.

This probably should go in the hard to start bike catagory.
One weekend the KTM would not start.:angry:
I had just cleaned it, oil & filter change with fresh air filter, it was ready to go.
I wound the starter over and over but i could not get it to start, so i began to check all the usual,
Fuel on, air filter in correctly, check any wires that may have come off during service, still wouldn’t start.:dry:
So i drained the fuel bowl and changed the spark plug, checked for spark already but thought i’d change the plug anyway.:unsure:
The battery went flat trying to wind it over so i began kicking it.:angry:
At about the third kick the bike gave a hugh backfire and started, ran beutifully idled too.:unsure:
It was then that my golden retriever dropped the exhaust butt plug that i’d left stuck in the muffler at my feet.:blink: :blush: :pinch: :whistle:

Apparently it had shot across the back yard and he thought it was the start of a game.

Never light a fart with no undies on…

Never stand next to Steady Eddie at the piss trough

I like one of steady eddies lines,when asked when are are you going to stop telling disabled jokes ?

eddies reply – when they find a f*****n cure :laugh:

Ahhhhh yes, the cat incident :angry: This post would be what you are referring too Menace. :laugh:

Got up at 4.45am and went through the usual routine. Turned the computer on and gave the kettle a rev up. Once the coffee was made, I went out on the back deck to have a ciggie (My idea of a hot breakfast). I was just sitting there staring off into the darkness, listening to the rain drizzle on my roof, when I heard some splashing from the pool. WTF is that, I thought, a koala maybe? Anyhow, I flicked on the flood lights to reveal on of my wife’s numerous cats doing laps of the pool,unable to get out off the water. So barefooted and dressed in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts,I set about rescuing the cat in the darkness and drizzling rain. Although cats hate water,they are bloody good swimmers and in its panicked state, it kept swimming to the other side of the pool, so I thought I would try and catch the Farking thing in the leaf net and just scoop it out. Simple, I thought. Every time I got it with the net, it would jump out again and land back in the water,at this stage I contemplated just holding the mongrel thing under with the net and acting dumb, when the kids found a dead cat in the pool. I managed to hunt the damn thing over to the ladder where it tried to climb out but kept slipping back into the water. The stupid thing then just sat on the top rung of the ladder exhausted, so I ran around to grab it , forgetting a lesson I learnt early in life about trying to catch a falling cat, as I have since found out that you dont try and grab a drowning cat either!! I grabbed it and wasn’t that a mistake!!! It latched onto my thumb that hard that its teeth have even pierced right through my thumb nail!! Now with copious amounts of blood spurting from my thumb, I still hadn’t managed to get the cat out of the pool. The bastard of a thing then found refuge inside the skimmer box of the pool, from which it was letting fly with the most mournful “meows” that seemed to be amplified in the early morning quietness by the skimmer box. At this stage I had called it every choice Australian adjective that I could muster, whilst trying not to wake the rest of the neighbourhood. By then my thumb was bleeding profusley and throbbing like a honeymooner’s tockley and I was over it, when a bright idea came to mind, take the lid off the skimmer box and the cat should climb out itself. A panicked cat sees no reasoning and it soon became obvious that the cat wasn’t going to save itself by coming out of the top of the skimmer box, so I tried to poke it with the end of the net pole, which it latched onto with its teeth so hard that I pulled the cat out of the skimmer by its teeth and it started doing laps again. In its exhausted state it kept going under water in the first stages of drowning, so I donned a pair of welding gloves, which I have also discovered in the past, offer minimal protection from a cat bite but more protection than bare skin. I then chased the cat around the pool and quickly grabbed it by its tail and in one quick motion, flung it by its tail out of the pool, where it landed in a exhausted heap. It then got up and staggered off into the darkness with out so much as a nod of appreciation, such is the way of cats. Now, to go inside and dress the thumb that was still bleeding like a stuck pig. No sooner did I walk in the back door, you wont believe this…….we had a freeking blackout!!! Pitch darkness now reigned supreme and I needed a band aid or the likes to stem the flow of life giving blood. The power finally came on as I was doing my best to stagger around in the darkness, heading for the shed to find the only torch that works to be able to find something to dress my thumb.
Man if that is the way this day is gunna flow I am going back to bed and stay there, as I dont need that sort of shit first thing on a Monday morning.

micknmeld wrote:

Jeffro wrote:

Then there was the petrol in the stubbie incident Mick, but I wont bring that one up

:laugh:

That moment is just one of a myriad of stupid things I have done in my life

Rememeber this post from a year or so ago?

1. Do not try and catch a falling cat. They have spikey bits
2. Do not try and catch a pup that has just been hit by a car. They too have spikey bits
3. Do not jump off a fence into long grass. Snakes live in long grass.
4. Do not run around like a lunatic after being bitten by a black snake.
5. Do not try and rub the front tyre of a dragster on your mates back wheel
6. You cannot jump a dragster over 5 garbage bins, you wont make it
7. Do not ride a dragster in speedos, they dont handle real well
8. Do not try and carry two drums of petrol on a bicycle.
9. Do not drop a paint tin with a hammer in it onto your brother’s head from a great height
10. Even the smallest molitov cocktail makes a big explosion
11. Chlorine and brake fluid mixed will start a fire
12. Horses are stupid creatures that I was never meant to ride
13. Do not try and wheelie a YZ80 on the road
14. Drinking Flag ale and Port from a flagon makes you spew like Linda Blair.
15. Do not put two pins in a power point and short them out with a metal ruler
16. Do not upset your brother who has scissors or a sharp pencil.You will get stabbed
17. Boat ramps are slippery
18. EH Holdens will start in gear.
19. Do not get in a tractor tube and let your mates roll you down the road.
20. Do not jump the 6 feet from the shed roof to the chook pen roof

And that’s not all here are some more.

1 never grab a sparkler by the sparkly bit
2 never step off a school bus backwards while it is still moving
3 dont try and pat a dog that is growling at you
4 don’t stand in the rear tray of a tricycle and ride it down a huge hill
5 don’t pick a fight with a 100kg 12 yo Arab kid with a beard. They will beat your skinny arse.
6 don’t throw mud balls at passing cars. Your grandfather could be a passenger and see you do it.
7 A skate board will get the death wobbles at 60kmh,never jump off a skate board at 60kmh, you can’t run that fast. Even in Volleys.
8 polyester Hawaiian shirts provide no protection from gravel rash
9 If you are told to stand there and wait while a parent gets something to hit you with..Dont
10 An Evel Kenevel belt used as a tourniquet will stem the flow of blood from a gaping wound.
11 after being clobbered with a golf club, rubbing butter on the lump does nothing.
12 Whist being threatened by a girl with a cricket bat, don’t stick your head out and say “Go On I dare you”
13 Don’t slide on your arse on an old wooden varandah, then have your father remove the splinter with a razor blade.
14 Never do an “around the world” with a yo yo in a room with expensive light fittings
15 never let 2 turtles go in the local pool and brag that you did it.
16 getting caught in the pulley belts on a vacuum pump in a dairy will nearly kill you.
17 never trap a spotted quoll and try and grab it by the tail
18 a ride on plastic tractor, isn’t meant to be jumped.
19 It is fun to shoot your brother with a slug gun until your dad finds out.
20 the door of a Bedford truck will still close with your hand jammed in it

:woohoo: :laugh: :laugh: nearly spat my cup of tea all over the computer.

Your a quick learner aren’t you mate