20 things I learnt the hard way as a kid

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February 25, 2010 at 12:56 am #98116

Mick D
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20 Things I have learnt the hard way as a kid,these are all life experiences that have shaped who I am. Life hands out many lessons,feel free to share some of yours,it could be good for a laugh.

1. Do not try and catch a falling cat. They have spikey bits
2. Do not try and catch a pup that has just been hit by a car. They too have spikey bits
3. Do not jump off a fence into long grass. Snakes live in long grass.
4. Do not run around like a lunatic after being bitten by a black snake.
5. Do not try and rub the front tyre of a dragster on your mates back wheel
6. You cannot jump a dragster over 5 garbage bins, you wont make it
7. Do not ride a dragster in speedos, they dont handle real well
8. Do not try and carry two drums of petrol on a bicycle.
9. Do not drop a paint tin with a hammer in it onto your brother’s head from a great height
10. Even the smallest molitov cocktail makes a big explosion
11. Chlorine and brake fluid mixed will start a fire
12. Horses are stupid creatures that I was never meant to ride
13. Do not try and wheelie a YZ80 on the road
14. Drinking Flag ale and Port from a flagon makes you spew like Linda Blair.
15. Do not put two pins in a power point and short them out with a metal ruler
16. Do not upset your brother who has scissors or a sharp pencil.You will get stabbed
17. Boat ramps are slippery
18. EH Holdens will start in gear.
19. Do not get in a tractor tube and let your mates roll you down the road.
20. Do not jump the 6 feet from the shed roof to the chook pen roof

February 25, 2010 at 1:38 am #171894

Paul
Member

Billy carts with seat belts AND roll bars are much safer.
Always run away as soon as the bungers fuse has lit.
Sugar is almost as dangerous as petrol near a fire.

February 25, 2010 at 2:08 am #171895

Greg
Member

micknmeld wrote:

Quote:

20 Things I have learnt the hard way as a kid,these are all life experiences that have shaped who I am. Life hands out many lessons,feel free to share some of yours,it could be good for a laugh.

1. Do not try and catch a falling cat. They have spikey bits Why would you bother catching a cat, did you throw it up?
2. Do not try and catch a pup that has just been hit by a car. They too have spikey bitsWTF, did you run it over :huh:
3. Do not jump off a fence into long grass. Snakes live in long grass. Cant be fooled can you :blink:
4. Do not run around like a lunatic after being bitten by a black snake.Well why jump in the long grass numnuts :dry:
5. Do not try and rub the front tyre of a dragster on your mates back wheel Oh you are as sharp as a marble :laugh:
6. You cannot jump a dragster over 5 garbage bins, you wont make it Everyone with half a brain knows 4 bins is the limit, but then again there was the long grass we know how smart you are :laugh:
7. Do not ride a dragster in speedos, they dont handle real well Ride to the conditions
8. Do not try and carry two drums of petrol on a bicycle. Why not, what happens, no doesnt matter I really dont care :huh:
9. Do not drop a paint tin with a hammer in it onto your brother’s head from a great height That explains Tripper :laugh: :laugh:
10. Even the smallest molitov cocktail makes a big explosion Again not real smart, and havent learnt much since I have noticed lol
11. Chlorine and brake fluid mixed will start a fire Anybody else notice a pattern here
12. Horses are stupid creatures that I was never meant to ride Thats the smartest thing you have ever said
13. Do not try and wheelie a YZ80 on the road Why, its ok to do, the thing to remember is dont flip it, still seeing the pattern eh
14. Drinking Flag ale and Port from a flagon makes you spew like Linda Blair. WOW did you discover this yourself :blush:
15. Do not put two pins in a power point and short them out with a metal ruler This explains why you do the things you do that have me shaking my head
16. Do not upset your brother who has scissors or a sharp pencil.You will get stabbed Again the pattern not real smart :huh:
17. Boat ramps are slippery What because they are always in water, my god man you have made the discovery that could save man kind :laugh:
18. EH Holdens will start in gear. Only if you leave it in gear and turn the key, again the pattern
19. Do not get in a tractor tube and let your mates roll you down the road. Maybe they really arent your mates, the start of another pattern :laugh:
20. Do not jump the 6 feet from the shed roof to the chook pen roof Thanks for that, you couldnt credit I am on the shed roof now working out if I could make the jump to the chook shed, cheers for that

TB

February 25, 2010 at 2:29 am #171896

Bruce Curtis
Member

TB made me laugh out loud, Mick i might add a more northerly perspective on what seems a similar childhood

micknmeld wrote:

Quote:

20 Things I have learnt the hard way as a kid,these are all life experiences that have shaped who I am. Life hands out many lessons,feel free to share some of yours,it could be good for a laugh.

1. Do not try and catch a falling cat. They have spikey bitsHowever your fathers landing net is OK
2. Do not try and catch a pup that has just been hit by a car. They too have spikey bitsOur pups never fell, they jumped up
3. Do not jump off a fence into long grass. Snakes live in long grass. They alsdo live on big open flat rocks that you are about to jump onto from the creek bank
4. Do not run around like a lunatic after being bitten by a black snake.Also true for a brown snake, and also not much help to run around before getting bitten yelling “SNAKE” they apperently don’t like that either
5. Do not try and rub the front tyre of a dragster on your mates back wheel. Or a ten speed racer
6. You cannot jump a dragster over 5 garbage bins, you wont make it.The ten speed made it over, the landing was the problem
7. Do not ride a dragster in speedos, they dont handle real well.You had speedos, that is child abuse
8. Do not try and carry two drums of petrol on a bicycle.Or a motorcycle
9. Do not drop a paint tin with a hammer in it onto your brother’s head from a great height.The hammer by itself is much better
10. Even the smallest molitov cocktail makes a big explosion.so does a 1 gallon tin
11. Chlorine and brake fluid mixed will start a fire.I for real was never game enough to try it, but we did throw a tin of Ramset charges into a bonfire whan I was 8
12. Horses are stupid creatures that I was never meant to ride. No not stupid, but still I agree on the not riding them bit
13. Do not try and wheelie a YZ80 on the road.RM80s had the same problem Mick
14. Drinking Flag ale and Port from a flagon makes you spew like Linda Blair.And so did farmland roase claret in a 44
15. Do not put two pins in a power point and short them out with a metal ruler.Ok that is way outa my league of “childhood scientific testing”
16. Do not upset your brother who has scissors or a sharp pencil.You will get stabbed. This also holds true with the hammer mentioned
17. Boat ramps are slippery.So are oyster beds
18. EH Holdens will start in gear.You know they still hadn’t fixed this problem by the HQ?
19. Do not get in a tractor tube and let your mates roll you down the road. Mmm My stepgrandad tried that in the tractor itself, Tractor-1 Grandad- it was anice funeral
20. Do not jump the 6 feet from the shed roof to the chook pen roof Holds true for tree branches too

Gees Mick you had it easy as a Kid, lucky bugger….

February 25, 2010 at 3:08 am #171897

mike
Member

G’day Mick a good topic there mate.

I did the chlorine bomb thing in a coke bottle. me and a mate got together..he supplied the chlorine and i got the brake fluid and glass coke bottle and we were good to go. it took about 5 minutes and i remember being real inpatient and kept poppin me head up over a log. then it just let out a massive bang and we were off.

here somes of my hardway lessons.

dont throw ice creams at movin cars.

dont brown eye taxis on parramatta rd from movin car.

dont get busted drivin dads car

dont smoke hash in mates kitchen using stove then eat all the icecream than laugh at his parents when they get home…still a touchy subject today.

dont throw rock at big kid in street cause he tackles ya hard playing footy cause he punches even harder when mad.

run faster if ya don’t have a train ticket.

dont steal oranges fron neighbour vegi truck.

be nice to girls

wear helmet boots and gloves

be nice to ya bike

dont call older kids wankers or any other names unless ya can run faster than em.

dont play fight with uncles when the’re pissed

shit mick i could just go on on here

February 25, 2010 at 3:19 am #171898

Roy
Member

A few i can think of.

1. When towing your dragster behind the motorbike at 80km/hr do not tie rope to both bikes.
2. bmx can handle jumps with a 20 l drum and a plank of wood
3. bmx will snap if you upgrade to 60 l drum.
4. if your brother is bending down in front of you when you are about to throw the biggest rock you can lift make sure you know when he plans to stand up.
5. if your peewee 80 is flexing when you do jumps then yes the frame is completely snapped.
6. if you corner an emu on a motorbike it will charge
7. always give way to a mob of sheep when on a motorbike
8. two vw bonnets welded together can just take two boys below 10 with an inch freeboard
9. two vw bonnets welded together cannot take the rapids
10. if tied to a sunken boat in the rapids it will drag you downstream
11. throwing a bloke in an industrial bin can dislocate his shoulder
12. if your mate whinges about a sore shoulder when drunk for 5 hours you should seek medical attention
13. catching a 1000 guppies as the dam overflows and putting them in a tank with no aerator is not good for guppies.
14. when tipping others out of a boat your gear in the boat does not float
15. do not pull the trigger on a 243 in the carry rack behind the seat in the ute. This especially applies if all doors and windows are shut.
16. ringing in ears will go away eventually
17. when you need to order motorbike parts ask dad and not mum
18. when you need money ask mum and not dad
19. when you need some dirty work done manipulate your younger brother

and I learnt this as an adult but it applies

20. your parents know about everything you do as a kid, they just choose to not mention some of it at the time.

February 25, 2010 at 4:00 am #171905

Mick D
Member

And the list goes on, now I think of it I am lucky to be still alive.

More stupid things I learnt as a kid

1 never grab a sparkler by the sparkly bit
2 never step off a school bus backwards while it is still moving
3 dont try and pat a dog that is growling at you
4 don’t stand in the rear tray of a tricycle and ride it down a huge hill
5 don’t pick a fight with a 100kg 12 yo Arab kid with a beard. They will beat your skinny arse.
6 don’t throw mud balls at passing cars. Your grandfather could be a passenger and see you do it.
7 A skate board will get the death wobbles at 60kmh,never jump off a skate board at 60kmh, you can’t run that fast. Even in Volleys.
8 polyester Hawaiian shirts provide no protection from gravel rash
9 If you are told to stand there and wait while a parent gets something to hit you with..Dont
10 An Evel Kenevel belt used as a tourniquet will stem the flow of blood from a gaping wound.
11 after being clobbered with a golf club, rubbing butter on the lump does nothing.
12 Whist being threatened by a girl with a cricket bat, don’t stick your head out and say “Go On I dare you”
13 Don’t slide on your arse on an old wooden varandah, then have your father remove the splinter with a razor blade.
14 Never do an “around the world” with a yo yo in a room with expensive light fittings
15 never let 2 turtles go in the local pool and brag that you did it.
16 getting caught in the pulley belts on a vacuum pump in a dairy will nearly kill you.
17 never trap a spotted quoll and try and grab it by the tail
18 a ride on plastic tractor, isn’t meant to be jumped.
19 It is fun to shoot your brother with a slug gun until your dad finds out.
20 the door of a Bedford truck will still close with your hand jammed in it

February 25, 2010 at 4:30 am #171909

Anonymous

Fuck this thread is gold :laugh: . Keep it coming :laugh:

February 25, 2010 at 5:48 am #171910

Bruce Curtis
Member

Some more to add Mick

1-eight shot cannons (firecrackers) don’t need you stand above them and relight.
2-The lady next door is NOT lusting after your virile young body.
3-Bunsen burner taps WILL light and become flame-throwers
4-Huntsman spiders can and will bite you
5-Wolf spiders too
6-The key to washing your fathers mega$$$ chev powered drag car is to NOT drive it into the creek.
7-253 powered HQ utes can take off very quickly in carports
8-David Brown tractors are not bulletproof
9-Geese are vicious when they want your lunch
10-so are pigs
11-The way pigs “do it” does not a pretty picture make as examples for sex ed
12-And no the girl up the road does not want to do it “like that” in fact she’d prefer not to do it at all apparently
13-Bush lemons taste great when you forgot to take lunch
14-muddy old damns with a dead animal in it will not kill any kid who goes in it.
15-eels bite
16-so do horses
17-If you shoot a BB gun at a fencepost, it can come back and hit you in the forehead.
18-Blue heelers from next door do not respect your authority
19-David Brown 990s with a blade cannot dam a creek
20-Next door neighbours and the council don’t appreciate dams in the creek.
21-10 year olds aren’t covered by workers comp
22-Cockatoos bite
23-Not all Asian kids know karate, but occassionally one does, and is really good at it.
24-Hospitals like kids
25-Some strange adults DO have boiled lollies.

February 25, 2010 at 6:05 am #171911

dennis da menace
Member

from the book of all things menace…

1; never paint a kitten red, cause you like the colour
2; never have you right pedal down, when turning right on a pushy…with bare feet…on concrete!
3; 1970’s plastic skateboards dont do too well in halfpipes
4; always show respect to powerband
5; realise that you arent a crusty demon, before breaking any bones
6; jumping cars like the dukes of hazzard will result in severe back pain…and broken cars
7; budgies and boiling water dont mix
8; not paying fines will get you locked up…with freaky people
9; lighting up steel wool in the spokes on your pushy at night may look cool but will start a brush fire.
10; lighting up steel wool in the pedestal drill at school and starting it will almost certainly get you expelled
11; house boats and fireworks are a definate “No No”
12; bananas dont fix diffs
13; elecrocution is part of being an electrician
14; dont go for a 6hr ride at 3pm in winter wearing a jersey
15; walking down a wet fibreglass slippery slide at Maccas will put you in hospital
16; riding your surfboard in dads vinyl walled swimming pool will get you a hiding
17; painting the roof lining in your car with the doors shut is just silly
18; a cricket stump hurts more than a wooden spoon
19; never carry youre wallet while crowd surfing
20; never speak to the police without a solicitor

just the tip of the iceberg :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

February 25, 2010 at 7:12 am #171919

Greg
Member

menace wrote:

Quote:

from the book of all things menace…

1; never paint a kitten red, cause you like the colour
2; never have you right pedal down, when turning right on a pushy…with bare feet…on concrete!
3; 1970’s plastic skateboards dont do too well in halfpipes
4; always show respect to powerband
5; realise that you arent a crusty demon, before breaking any bones
6; jumping cars like the dukes of hazzard will result in severe back pain…and broken cars
7; budgies and boiling water dont mix
8; not paying fines will get you locked up…with freaky people
9; lighting up steel wool in the spokes on your pushy at night may look cool but will start a brush fire.
10; lighting up steel wool in the pedestal drill at school and starting it will almost certainly get you expelled
11; house boats and fireworks are a definate “No No”
12; bananas dont fix diffs
13; elecrocution is part of being an electrician
14; dont go for a 6hr ride at 3pm in winter wearing a jersey
15; walking down a wet fibreglass slippery slide at Maccas will put you in hospital
16; riding your surfboard in dads vinyl walled swimming pool will get you a hiding
17; painting the roof lining in your car with the doors shut is just silly
18; a cricket stump hurts more than a wooden spoon
19; never carry youre wallet while crowd surfing
20; never speak to the police without a solicitor

just the tip of the iceberg :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Some of those make for you having an interesting child hood? Numbers 13, 11, 20, 8 and 6 are different for kids arent they? :laugh:

TB

February 25, 2010 at 7:15 am #171920

dennis da menace
Member

Trailboss wrote:

Quote:

Some of those make for you having an interesting child hood? Numbers 13, 11, 20, 8 and 6 are different for kids arent they? :laugh:

TB

im still a kid now :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

February 25, 2010 at 7:16 am #171921

Greg
Member

I have just re read that Menace reliesed it all happened last week and you have never grown up

TB

February 25, 2010 at 7:54 am #171922

Dean
Member

a few that come to mind :laugh:

1. never get towed by your labrador when your on your Dinky especially near a main Rd
2.never use a Hatchet on a branch above your head when your in the tree
3.Never play hide and seek with a blanket over your head and jump at your mate that is hiding on the corner of his Brick house
4.Never drip melting plastic on ants in bare feet
5.never give your mother cheek when she is cleaning out the freezer and she has 1 KG of frozen mince in her hand
6.Never put the Garden hose on your father when he is sleeping off a hangover,even if it is 1 in the arvo
7.Never go to footy training and have a war with roman candles.
8.Never give your mother cheek when she has a stock whip in her hand.
9.never have an argument with your brother when he has several darts in his hand
10.Mazda Capella’s roll easy,dirt roads make micro surgery difficult.
11.Never steal your older cousins girlfriend
12.Never ride your fathers 280KG Russian Cossak around the backyard,you have to stop sometime
13.Never dare you physco neighbour to shoot you with his slug gun
14.Never rub your eyes or do a pee after playing with your mothers ornamental chillie tree.
15.Never get caught by your father smoking his ruby champion Tobacco
16. Never do the dance of the flaming arseholes,no matter how much passion pop youve drank
17. never pee on an electric pig fence
18. Dont tease mud crabs
19. as a 12 year old I learnt not to “borrow” your cousins 74 Elsinore 250-they are cranky things
20. Never steal the mower fuel and try and light up ants nests
21. never kiss your mates blue tongue lizard :laugh:
22. Never use a knife to unstick the toast whilst its still on
23.never put a knife in a electric kettle
24.never skin a frog with a razor blade especially if mum finds out
25. never try and hold your breath under water for more than you really should.

February 25, 2010 at 8:24 am #171924

Anonymous

Ollie wrote:

Quote:

11.Never steal your older cousins girlfriend

Dissagree Ollie
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