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Here is another offering from the adventures of Mick and Ant.
When my brother Ant rang me, to suggest we went on a organised trail ride, my first reaction was , “What for” we have endless trails here and I didn’t see the need to drag the bikes to Coffs Harbour and pay to ride.
Well, how wrong was I? We had a great time and met some great people at the same time.
Ant had already done some home work on the idea and had come up with Detour trail rides at Coffs Harbour, http://www.coffsharbourdetour.com.au which is run by Boris Everson who was the course director of the A4DE, so he really knows his way around the trails in the Coffs area.
We initially chose to do the two day Dorrigo Express tour but due to the fact only 4 people had booked, Boris had another ride organised for us based at his house in Coramba and we were going to explore the A4DE trails.
Ant and I arrived at Boris’ place, just after dark on the Friday night with a KTM530 and a XR600 as our weapons of choice and we were greeted by Boris and Luke, both with beers in their hands, things were looking good as far as I was concerned.
In no time, Ant and I both had beers open and the bullshit was already starting to fly when, Blackzippo AKA Duncan and Craig rocked up, towing a TM450 and a KTM525. Once all the introductions and the sizing up of one and another, was out of the way, it was time to hit the Coramba Pub for dinner. Who, by the way does great Lamb Shanks.
After dinner it was back to Boris’ shed for a top up of beers to complete the job we had started, at about midnight after a right gut full we hit the swags on the floor in the shed. Talk about a bear’s den!!! The snoring was unbelievable to which I was contributing to as much as anyone else.
Saturday dawned bright and sunny and was looking great for riding, only all of us were a bit dusty from the night before. The panadols were passed around and then we hooked into a great breakfast prepared by Boris’ and Luke’s better halves.
By 8.30 we were kitted up and ready to rip,Mick and Craig hamming it up for the camera.
We rode out of Boris’ back gate and straight into some tight single trail that lead up the side of Mount Coramba, at this very moment I realized that in my haste to get my bike ready for the trip, I had neglected to bed the new back brake pads in ,so I effectively had no or very little rear brakes for the first ten minutes. In my eagerness to show everyone how good a rider I thought I was, I got a tad loose going up the first hill and I stalled the XR and at that moment, with a lack of back brakes, gravity took over and Craig was greeted with an XR600 with its rider still In the saddle coming backwards down the hill at him at an alarming rate of knots. How I managed to keep the bike up right whilst going backwards down a hill for a good 10 meters, to this day still has me stuffed!!!
It was to be revealed later that, upon seeing that incident and my attempts to get the XR started again, Craig was secretly thinking to himself, ”This clown on the XR is gunna make this a very long day!!!”. It wasn’t much longer after that incident that I chose the wrong line through a bog hole and found the XR totally submerged up to its tank in the mud and in my efforts to stop it from stalling and to free It from the bog I was sending mud flying 50 feet into the air, covering anything in a 50 meter radius in a thick layer of mud. The XR was so stuck it took the combined efforts of everyone there to extract it from the slop.
Any how, from there things got better with Boris leading us through some great trails.
Here is Duncan on the TM just prior to it’s catastrophic failure……
Just after that pic was taken the TM gave up the ghost and the cam chain tensioner totally shit itself and unfortunately ,that was to be the end of Duncan’s ride for the day and he was to ride shot gun with Luke in the back up vehicle.Here is Duncan and the TM in a scene that I have seen since…….I am afraid you wont sell me a TM!!!
Fortunately, the TM carked it very close to were morning tea awaited us and Craig towed Duncan with a very effective towing method that, they had devised in the past. Craig produced a strap that goes around the right foot peg on the towing bike and the other end goes around the left foot peg on the bike being towed and to my amazement this system allowed them to cruise along the fire trails at quite a respectable speed.
Luke who was in the back up vehicle, had every thing set up for morning tea and this is where we loaded the TM onto the trailer. While we were eating Luke sneaked about and refueled the bikes and made sure they were ready for the next TEST, Boris had planned for us.
With full bellies we headed off, down this ripper single trail through the rain forest, while heading down this trail I ducked under a low branch only to have my front wheel taken out by that rock that always seems to be there when you least expect it . I found myself going over the hangers and tumbling uncontrollably over the edge of the trail, down a bank through the vines and shit. Once I regained the wind that was knocked out of me and finally got the XR to go again we had a great ride through some great trails.
At one stage things started to heat up between Craig and Ant on the KTM’s and the pace picked up considerably until the boys came around a blind corner and they were greeted with a tree across the trail. Ant managed to stop but Craig, following in his dust had less warning and hit the tree and did a fantastic Superman.
Craig was lucky to get out of it with no injury or damage to his bike. From there the afternoon went quickly as we were lead through some great trails with, what I would call “testing sections”. On our way to our lunch stop we had to do a “transport section” along a main road, which although was gravel, we were fetching along quite quickly. As I entered one left hander I saw the KTM530 laying on its side in the middle of the road and Ant picking himself up out of the table drain. I only had enough time to think “What Tha?” and I hit the same slippery shit he had and next I knew the XR was grinding up the road on its side as well. That is the moment we were christened the Buster brothers!!!
The XR had come down heavily and had bent the hangers and the left hand footpeg mount on the frame was sticking up at a 45 Degree angle, which couldn’t be straightened no matter how hard we bashed it with rocks and anything else we could find that remotely resembled a bashing implement.
This is where I really discovered that Motocross jersies offer little or no protection from the ravages of gravel roads, although if you wear one that is one size to big they do cover up the fact your gut sticks out to some effect………..
After being offered some powdered cement in some water, so I would “harden up”, I carried on with the ride with the bent foot peg pointing skywards and bent hangers, skinned hip, shoulder and elbow. Initially I was offered first aid and a few jelly snakes but no sympathy and found myself at the receiving end of a reasonable ribbing.
We did a few more trails before we retired to Eulong RSL for a couple of snappy schooners and some more bullshitting before we made the final “hot” run down the mountain to Boris’ place.
Once we arrived there, the XR went up onto Boris’ fancy work stand and he broke out his special XR footpeg straightening tool. Which,also doubles as his block splitter.
In Luke’s experienced hands the block splitter did an admiral job and the footpeg was back parallel with the ground in no time!!! Once that was all sorted, we hit the Coramba pub again for dinner and the mandatory schooners. Being a smoker I found myself outside the pub more than once, this is were I met the Coramba locals. One friendly bloke, offered me a puff on his cigarette that he was passing around a group of dodgey looking characters, not wanting to look ungrateful I obliged and whoa Nelly!!! Didn’t the tone of the night change from there!!!!! It appears the local tobacco is rather potent, as my wounds from the day no longer hurt and I found myself in party mode.
Once the boys managed to pull me away from my new friends, we made tracks for Boris’ place.
Upon arrival back at the shed at about 11pm, the boys were still in party mode as well so instead of doing the right thing and hitting the fart sack, we cracked a few more beers.
Drunk as we were, we decided we would get rid of the standard hangers on the XR and fit some Renthal Fat bars to the beast, like you do at midnight when you are off your head. Here is Luke and Boris into it with Craig offering his drunken two bob’s worth……….
By 1am we had the bars on her and she looked great and ready for tomorrow’s adventure.
Stay tuned for day 2 of our Detour ride.Day 2 Coffs Harbour Detour.
Considering we got to bed at 1am pissed as nits, we all woke up fairly second hand but still keen to ride. I was suffering a little from my foray down the road from the day before and was a bit stiff and sore but daren’t say anything for the fear of being called a girl or worse.
Boris must have seen that I was struggling and offered me some pain- killers that worked a charm and by 8am we were ready to ride.
As I threw my leg over the XR it became obvious to me that with the new Fatbars on it, the dynamics of the bike had changed to some degree and it was like riding a new bike, so at first it took some getting used too. I now had the option to stand and ride with a degree of comfort that wasn’t possible with the old swept back standard bars. Now I am completely used to the fatbars I love em!Because Duncan’s bike had shit itself the day before, Boris lent Duncan his bike, which was one of the new WR250R’s and Boris rode his KTM640.
Having seen us all ride the day before, Boris somehow had it in his head that we were better riders than we actually are and set out to test us.
The first thing he did was head straight up this almost vertical bank and not even look back to see if we were keen to follow.
Not one to like being left behind, I was the first to attempt the goat track up the bank, my parting words to the boy’s watching was “you are about to see the first off for the day” and I didn’t disappoint as you guessed it, I stacked the XR again. No injury or damage and now I was determined to get up the bank, so I hit it harder and faster this time and made it!!! It wasn’t pretty but I was up there. Little did I know it was a prelude for things to come!!!
Boris showed us a few slimy little lantana trails in the morning, so slimy in fact I saw Duncan come off for no reason at all, one minute he was riding along nicely the next he wasn’t. No harm done and he just picked the bike up and made out nothing had happened at all.
Isn’t it amazing how the slimiest of logs, always seem to be at 45 degrees across the track? I made this observation that day, as every one hundred meters there seemed to be one strategically laid there.
We arrived at our designated morning tea location and filled up on coffee and bickies before heading off again. At this point I will say, on one of Boris’ tours if you go hungry it is your own bloody fault as Boris and his team go out of their way to feed you and the tucker is all first rate.
After morning tea, Boris’ wicked streak came out and he lead us into a place he affectionately called Jurrasic Park. It was in thick rain forest and there was no track that I could see and if you lagged a bit, you couldn’t see where the guy in front of you had gone, as you barged your way through the dense scrub, all the while trying to avoid getting choked by vines. Definately not the right place to be riding an XR600.
At one stage I remember thinking to myself out loud “This is F@#&ed!!! I can’t believe I am paying to do this!!!!!”
This was all taking place in the most humid little overgrown gully I had ever been in and the sweat and the previous night’s grog was just pissing out of us by then. That’s when Boris takes off down this non- existent track down a steep bank, through a creek and up the other side and then beacons to us to follow him. It was either follow him or be choppered out.
Ant was the first to attempt the crossing that involved getting your bike between two trees that were closer together than your hangers are wide .The maths just didn’t add up in my book.
Well, Ant hit it with the 530 at full song and hit the two trees, like I expected him to and bounced back down into the creek. The 530 landed on its right side with the throttle fully pinned and with the Akrapovic pipe, wasn’t it making some serious noise, yet we could hear Ant going off over it!!!!
My attempt was not near as spectacular but not tidy by any means as I managed somehow to only hit one of the trees and I bounced through the gap.Once we were out of the suitably named Jurrasic Park, We met up with Luke for some lunch and to laugh about the morning’s antics.
The team at lunch on the last day……
From L-R Duncan, Boris, Craig, Ant, Mick and Luke
As Ant and I wanted to get away early we debated whether to pull the pin then and make tracks for Boris’ house and a shower.
In hindsight that would have been the best option as Boris’ the sadistic bastard was saving the “best” for last. He took us on one last “little loop”, this loop had one of the longest hill climbs I have ever attemted and half way up it, we were met by the local 4×4 club coming down, with the leading vehicle completely stuck and all but blocking our way. The lads that were trying to free the Patrol from it’s predicament saw us coming and scattered to make way, so we could pass through their little caravan of vehicles, which involved dodging women and children and what appeared to be several natives selling trinkets.
One of the 4×4’s is now sporting a nasty scratch up one side from my barkbusters as I used it for balance as I passed!!!!
Like all big hills, once you get to the top you gotta come down eventually and this is where it got a bit bloody scary. Boris led us down this skinny ridge with about a 500 foot drop either side.The type of drop that, if you went over it, your bike wouldn’t stop end for ending until it had totally destroyed itself at the bottom.
I don’t mind saying I was shitting myself a bit and since talking with the other guys about it, I wasn’t alone.
At the end of the ridge, Boris instructed us to shut off our engines and use our clutch like a second rear brake as we had to use our right foot to steady the bike on the decent.
It was so steep you could feel your rear wheel getting real light if you applied the front brake and all the oil must have run to the front off Craig’s engine on the 525 because when he started it again you should have seen the smoke come out of it! You would swear that you were following a 2 stroker until it managed to burn it off.
Boris hadn’t finished with us there either, with him there always seems to be another hill to climb.
The last bastard was a doozy!!! Half way up, it had this bloody mongrel right hand turn in it which was riddled with 4×4 rutts. On my first attempt I got within 20 feet of the top when I came unstuck and dropped the XR and the bloody thing stalled!!
There is only one remedy when that happens, go back to the bottom and try again.
Before my second attempt, Ant had taken off up the hill before me, as I was still at the bottom frantically kicking the flooded XR and unknown to me, he had also come unstuck at the same place I had in my first attempt.
As I came level with him, I was about spent and crashed again!!! So I let rip with a barrage of expletives that would make a soldier blush. So from that day the hill will be known affectionately as, Swearback Mountain.
At this stage I was so ratshit that I was thinking, does my ambulance cover offset the cost of a helicopter rescue?
This is when Boris came to the rescue and offered to ride the XR up the hill for me. “Please your F#%*en self,I am ready to burn the bastard”, was my reply.
It is quite demoralising to see a guy on your bike go past where you couldn’t make it, chucking a peace wheelie with a goofy grin on his face.Here is us stuck on Swearback, how is it that photos never really show how steep a hill really is?…………..
Anyhow, the top of Swearback signalled the end of our ride and we made our way back to Boris’ place. On arrival at Boris’ the exhaustion had taken over and when I pulled up at his house, I dropped my bike in front of every one, it didn’t matter though, as I had, by that time really gotten used to picking the Big Red Pig up of the ground.
In finishing I will have to say, I was at first apprehensive of going on a guided tour. Having done one now, it was a great experience and I am without a doubt a better rider for it. Boris has a knack of getting you to attempt sections that you would normally, not have had a go at.
The experience as a whole was fantastic and the professionalism and the friendship of Boris and his team, made it the great weekend it was.
I would recommend giving one of his tours a go.
Check out his website…..http://www.coffsharbourdetour.com.au
Disclaimer; The consumption of alcohol and other mind- altering substances depicted in this report are by no means indicative of my normal daily consumption. Any Police officers, future employers or potential lovers should disregard any reference to said substances whether they be legal or illegal.
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