Dealing with the Black Dog

[GarryMember]

Got to say that I have at times been closer to the black dog than I would like as 9 months unemployment, followed by a number of years as a contract employee led me to an uncertain future before landing a full time job 18 months ago. Even though the job was fulltime it was a move of near 500 kms to a new area where we knew nobody and yes, it meant a lot of dark days and times while we questioned whether the move was the right thing or not (particularly when my wife got retrenched).

Those thoughts continue as I have now moved to another job (and my wife keeps looking for work …. Dubvegas does not seem to like 50 year olds to well) and so am going through the ‘probationary period’ all over again, together with it’s many ‘what if’ moments but at the end thing will be far better for me as the security is greater. Until then though the nerves will be there, just as they are for everyone.

But Ecks, all I can offer is to say that I will keep you in mind and put your name out there to anyone I hear of that may want the services of a surveyor, and where possible I will even try to ‘shop you around’ with the old ‘I have a mate that can do that’ type of stuff.

And I know we have never met but if you want to head out for a ride locally (I need the more ADV type of stuff ………….. what with the DR landbarge and all), I am happy to take the 20 minute ride down the road (I am your side of Dubvegas) and fill up your tank and then spend a few hours cruising the local backroads if you ever want or need ………….. the offer is always there if you don’t mind a small fat slow bastard riding in the roost

To all who have experienced the black fog or are experiencing it ………… please talk to people and seek whatever help you need as it sadly claims far to many good people

Gaz

[simon burkeMember]

Seeing more and more of the black dog in the bush at the moment.
I’m on the phone every week basically passing on bad news to clients (i’m a livestock agent) and i’m now almost a professional grief counselor.Just tonight one of my clients told me she is dying of cancer and to top it off they are running out of water on their farm.Then i had to tell her that her cattle i sold today made bugger all….It gets to me,it’s hard.
Gutsy call posting this up Ecks and you can tell be the responses to this thread how important this issue is.Well done mate. To the other lads who have also posted on this thread,(and i’m sure there will be more) each of you have had experiences that has put you in an unenviable position.
The only way through these expierences is to draw on the love and support of your family and friends.
Talk to people…not yourself.
Old bulls do not judge,we are a family and we are there for each other.
Depression is hard to understand and this quote gives me some clarity

“If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather.
Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do.”
― Stephen Fry

Bol :woohoo:

[scott bockingMember]

You are a champion ECKS!!
Modern society puts huge pressure on us. There is equality in the sexes but the expectation that the man looks after his family is still ingrained in all of us. When it looks like we will fall short of this expectation then self doubt and a feeling of failure creeps in. It used to be that communities bound together and that family units were much larger. That spread the burden of responsibility so when one fell on hard times another took up the slack. Now it seems like each family unit is their own little island left to fend for themselves to sink or swim. The measure of happiness has long since been replaced with the measure of financial success. It is easy to become a victim of this and it is easy to lose perspective of what is really important. Fortunately, even in the worst case scenario, in Australia we have some safety nets with welfare but none of us want to end up there. The point is to shift the focus to what is truly important to you. The family that you feel under pressure to provide for really only needs love and support of their own. Yes it is nice to be flush with cash and buy nice things but at the end of the day that does not make people happy. Challenge and adversity foster resilience as long as you can keep the doubt at bay. Look into the eyes of the ones you love and be honest about any doubt or fears you have. Share those same fears with your friends and do not bottle them up.
The courage you have shown by posting this on an open forum ECKS is the same courage that will see you through the other side of these hard times. Keep your chin up and rely on your family and friends the same way generations of old did and you will be fine. At the end of the day we are all in this together and the OBT family is here for you.

Best wishes.

STM

[craig evansMember]

ecks I know what your feeling I my self have struggled with my back, taking to many pain killers to keep going , not many people knew about this even the wife [ she didn’t know what I was getting on the side] just to keep going to put food and $ in the bank, due to this iv now got major health probs which has lead to a mild heart attack last yr and now iv got to the point iv got to go to hospital next month to have my heart shocked to try and get it back to normal rythem

On top of this my wife has been fighting cancer and also goes into hospital next month aswell for treatment so I know what its like if you don’t talk as it was my down fall for a while but now im talking to people about this, iv felt better, and it feels great to hear words of encouragement from people like those on obt even those who you have never met b4 so hang in there mate and all those others that are doing it tough , don’t hide it don’t feel ashamed about it, and as I was told its not nice in a way but there are others out there that are worse then you

cheers wolfie

[ChrisMember]

Good on ya ECKS for posting I couldn’t begin to tell everyone what I have been through the past 18months only very few people know the WHOLE story, all I can say is to gather a good support network, good friends and family, good doc, can go a long way to helping. Don;t be scared to take meds if your doc suggests it, it is not a sign of weakness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Change a negative thought for a positive, get a hobby and keep your mind busy..

Cheers
Chris.

[Dwayne OMember]

Also look into if your employer has a support or employee assistance programme available .

I have made a start and am looking into using one after receiving a double blow of bad news today for both myself and then coming home to my wifes further job cuts. Looks like we will both be unemployed around the exact same (even though she had a signed employment contract for the rest of the year) :pinch: :pinch:

Use any means of communication available guys, even if it seems trivial

[simon burkeMember]

Eags
Good luck with the out come of your employment to both you and your cheese and kisses
My grandfather used to always say “when one door shuts,another one is always there to be opened”
Bol :woohoo:

[drewMember]

Talking helps, even if those we talk to don’t have any answers to our problem(s).

It may simply inform others of why you are not your usual self.

It’s hard for others to understand if they don’t know.

Bottling it up makes it worse.

The biggest thing we need to get out there is its not weak to share what’s going on in our lives.

Alcohol doesn’t help any. It’s a suppressant, but once the ‘good’ wears off the anxiety rebounds but not to the level it was before it comes back higher.

Think of it as a stare case, anxiety goes up, alcohol levels it out for a short while but the anxiety goes up a step when the booze wears off and so on.

Hence creating a spiral that can seem far too deep to get out of let alone see a way out.

As I’ve said before I’m sure all of us here would not reject a pm for a listening ear. We may not be able to reply straight away, have any brilliant solution or any answers. But we’re willing to listen.

Drewpy

[Eric SmithMember]

Tell you what, these replies and the open admissions here are a tribute to the good people who make up the Old Bull community! Had a pretty dark weekend myself actually, just exhausted from working flat out trying to catch up.

This just showed up in my facebook feed from the Black Dog Institute:

http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/docs/Helpingsomeoneelse.pdf

Some good advice there.

[drewMember]

Top info that Ecks.

One thing I picked up on though, is the suggestion to see a psychologist.

A Ph.D is a doctor of philosophy. One word of advise is that philosophy is a personally shaped ideology.

I would not discourage anyone from seeing a psychologist if they are comfortable in doing so and they are getting help.

A psychiatrist first has to gain a basic medical degree then further train in the field of mental health.

Only reason I rais this is personal experience of two health care perfesionals that tried to ‘ fix’ a physical problem with philosophy and discounted physical indents/ events.

And found them quite arrogant when suggesting or in their eyes questioning there theory was a little presumptuous in diagnosis.

E.g I have what’s called a parrs defect. The keepers on the last vertebrae in my back are missing, allowing it to move forward 8 mm called spondylolisthesis, one of the aforementioned says without a doubt it was caused by riding a motor bike at a young age-6 yo.

Another massure said that he has treated loads of blokes that rode from a young age that did not develope a parrs defect.

It could be due to a genetic fault or maybe the Dr pulling on my feet trying to deliver me leaving my feet black.

Yes I was going the wrong way and a stubborn mule from the start 😆 :silly: :cheer:

Moral of my rant is, don’t give up on finding someone that helps. It may take patients but well worth persevering.

In some cases it may take a few different avenues combined.

[Eric SmithMember]

Interesting XY. Never really knew the difference between the ologist and the iatrist!

I think the main thing to take from this is to seek help. And if you’re not getting what you need at first, try again until you feel you find the right person.

I liked this:
Avoid suggesting to the person that they ‘pull their socks up’, this is unhelpful as it is
likely to reinforce their feelings of failure or guilt

Very true!

[Author]

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