E.bay bikes 4 sale

[JohnMember]

You have to read the description. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

http://cgi.ebay.com.au/Minibike-pocket-bike-kids-motorbike-waste-of-money_W0QQitemZ160372510478QQcmdZViewItemQQptZAU_PocketBikes?hash=item2556f24f0e_

[TrentMember]

Jak’s link

[GregMember]

Thats a bloody funny read :laugh:

TB

[JohnMember]

Austblue wrote:

Quote:

Jak’s link

Thanks for fixing that Bluey. Dont know what i done wrong and before I could try and fix it, it was time to cook tea for the family. Cheers.

[Matt BakerMember]

Austblue wrote:

Quote:

Jak’s link

beef jerky?

[Anonymous]

I love those eBay ads where people take the piss. There was another funny one about a guys wife once, both made me laugh hard :laugh:

[Anonymous]

That is so good. There are still people with a sense of humour. And it still sold for $100 :huh:

[Anonymous]

The funny thing is it’s not even worth 100 bucks :laugh:

[drewMember]

i could not stand to read all the description !!!! :angry:

cos i had tears in my eyes. :laugh:

so i scrolled to the questions and nearly wet my self laughing!!!!!! :woohoo:

[TrentMember]

Maybe I should cut and paste that for my bike ad!

[Mick DMember]

Can someone cut and paste it to the site for those who can’t access ebay on their work computers.

[GregMember]

Austblue wrote:

Quote:

Maybe I should cut and paste that for my bike ad!

Nah two reasons, the chinese thing is worth more then yours (especially being a KTM) and yours would need more added to the add to cover the repairs :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

TB
(sorry Trent)

[TrentMember]

I have a reputation for not putting enough effort into describing items I sell on ebay, so this time I’m going to be very clear in describing the item.

The pictures above appear to be of some type of small child’s motorbike, possibly a minibike, yes, that’s what it looks like. However, this is one of those very rare Chinese made miniature motorcycles of which only about 56,785,920 were distributed world wide last year. The total lack of spare parts for these things has now convinced me that each child born in China was tasked with producing one of these; from a roll of aluminium foil and an empty ice cream container. That explains why each one is different. Not just different colours, but every single one is unique in its dimensions and spirit. Some have even been made inside-out.

Some of them have wheels which are almost round, mine doesn’t. The frame appears to be made of bamboo, painted silver to make it look stronger. When they gave the Chinese made boats the name Junk, I can now see why. Surely, one of the five year old kids tasked with building these things could weld. Every weld on the frame of this thing looks like a passing sparrow has splattered semi metallic poo on it, badly. Every bolt is a different size and the fact that it doesn’t change shape if left in the sunlight has amazed me.

I rode it once, that was enough. It was about as comfortable as pouring a cup full of leaf-cutting ants down my undies. Even though I’m so short that my feet are actually above my head, somehow riding this thing saw me wearing my ankles as earrings and trying to steer at the same time. Making things even worse was that it was like riding a chainsaw with wheels. The motor can rev like a cat with a clothes peg on its tail, making this little bike go faster than standing still – which is already a stretch of its safety envelope.

Before I took it for its one and only ride, I had to fill it up with fuel. I couldn’t understand how such a small machine could need such a large fuel tank, but then fifteen minutes after I’d put the fire out, I worked out why. The fuel leak from the carby was that severe that by the time I’d travelled 12 metres with my feet behind my head, the grass behind me was on fire. The leaking fuel had some how caught alight and although I was hoping it was a trail of burning rubber from its tyre shredding power, it was merely a small fire, not unlike a burning pipeline in Iraq. Fortunately, the fuel leak was so bad that by the time the fire caught up to the bike, there was nothing left to burn.

The bodywork on the bike isn’t even attached. I don’t know how it ever could be. There must have been a fight at the child labour factory when this thing was made, obviously the stronger five year old stole the bits that allowed this bike’s bodywork to be attached to its silver bamboo frame. So it just sits there making this thing even more ridiculous. You would expect that motorcycle bodywork would be made of plastic, true. But given the fact that this stuff a) didn’t burn and b) is as flexible as a Viagra induced erection, tells me that it is something from another planet, possibly China. I suspect that it may be some super organic, self regenerating rice paper or something.

Starting this bike is about as easy as getting a table of six for Yum Cha at 12pm. Despite the fuel gushing from the poor excuse for a carby, this thing has a pull start which has a cord about as long as a primary school play lunch. With the amount of fuel flooding from the carby, it requires full throttle to start. The first time I got it going it rode off with only the ghost of Chopstick Creek at the controls. I later learned that the best way to start it was by holding it under your arm and acting out an ACDC guitar riff before putting it back down, placing your ankles behind your ears and hoping that the thing stayed upright long enough for someone to get a photo.

On the bright side, this thing would make a fantastic garden ornament, because it has a miraculous ability to convert itself to important soil nutrients, like iron oxide, very quickly. You will notice that one of the front fork stanchions is all rusty. I didn’t do that in photoshop, it really is rooted. You will also notice that the steering is out of alignment, but what do you expect from child labour?

When the Trike of Death saw this little bike, it turned around in a very large circle and looked the other way. You have to feel sorry for this little machine, it’s like a puppy in a pound. Surely someone out there must have a good home for it? Lets face it, you can now buy something that has trodden the same ground as the legendary Trike of Death for less than the cost of a Trike of Death T shirt. You may even be able to convert this little thing into a candle, a hearing aid, a belt buckle or something else useful.

This monstrosity needs to go. Even if you buy it just for something to kick your toe on it would be worth it. You could paint it black and leave it on some stairs one night. You could create an artificial reef out of it, for one small and selfish fish. Whatever you do with it is your own business, just don’t tell anyone where it came from.

In response to some anticipated questions, here are the answers:

No, I don’t have a buy it now price, but if you can convince ebay to refund my listing fee, you can have it.

No, it doesn’t have a seat, the manufacturer didn’t design it to last long enough for your arse to make it to the where the seat would normally be.

No, it ran out of warranty on the third day, which was when it was somewhere in the middle of the Sea of China, on its way to infest the world with a good dose of unquality control.

Yes, I will deliver it to Anaheim California, it will only cost a return airfare ex Sydney and a Disneyland pass.

No, the brakes don’t work. It wasn’t designed to make it that far.

Yes, it is crap.

True, it does look good. So too do most celebrities until you see them in the flesh.

No, it wouldn’t be a nice gift for a six year old, or any other number between 1 and 1000.

No, there isn’t any spare parts available for it. They were designed around the same concept as disposable razors and toilet paper, not much good after the first use.

Yes, you are welcome to take it for a test ride – after you buy it and then sell it to someone else who advertises it for sale and offers you a ride of it.

[TrentMember]

Question & Answer Answered On
Q: Is the starting price a typo ? I’ll offer you 67c for it and you pay the postage. 04-Nov-09
A: The starting price was $6.99, which was my payment for writing the silly ad. Serious ads cost $12.80 so you should be thankful.
Q: Is the lead paint job in good shape? Are the plastic parts the same material they use in the dog food they export to the U.S.A.? How far are you from N.J. Thanks, Nicky Newark. 04-Nov-09
A: The bike is painted in blue asbestos, cheaper than lead. The plastic in the dog food is far more nutritional than this rubbish. I’m a long way from NJ, but if the sale falls through, I’ll take in on a world tour.
Q: Serious suggestion Hollywood. Withdraw from sale and relist in eBay Nigeria. When the scammers win, send them the bike with a hefty postal charge. Should cure them of ever scamming again. Thanks for the laugh. I’ll be surprised if this doesn’t go viral Regards Chris 04-Nov-09
A: Thanks Chris. I just received an email from Nigeria where they have recommended that I invest in shares in this thing. Far out, I own it, how much more investment do I need.
Q: I was thinking this would be a good gift for my Ex-wife. However I am concerned about the gas mileage that her F@tA$$ would be getting. Could you tell how this will perform on fried rice? Also is a fart regenerator available for better mileage, or would a CHIP modification be a better way to go? Also could you tell me if the rear wheel is out of round or just the front? She may be able to offset the wobble….. Thanks 04-Nov-09
A: The fuel economy will be improved once her r’s catches on fire and the fat starts to drip into the carby. It may just blow a little more smoke. The only modification this thing really needs is to be put on a train track as a speed hump for a coal train. the wheels are so out of round that one is a triangle and the other is just a straight line.
Q: I am 73 and have a busted leg- does this qualify as a mobility device under Medicare? You must be the reincarnation of Mark Twain. I laughed until tears ran down my face. Thank you for making my day so enjoyable! 04-Nov-09
A: Enjoyable day – with a busted leg. You wait ’til I list my boat for sale, that will make you happy and it may just be what you need for your rehab. Good luck with straightening out coat hangers to scratch those itches. Cheers.
Q: I’m just trying to get a size perspective. In your second photo, is that a single Chop Stick that the bike is resting on, or a tooth pick?… Thanks. 04-Nov-09
A: I’ts a chopstick, didn’t you see the soy sauce stain on it? The bike was in aingapore nooodle dish that I ate about three hundred years ago.
Q: Hi Hollywood Last week I was out in the sand dunes at Reef beach near Bremar Bay WA without warning I flew over the handle bars of my brand new KLX 450r it then launched from behind me and used my body to break its fall (it to may be possesed by the devil). My question to you is – Are you willing to swap this beast for my new bike as I feel a drop in power may be in order for me THANKS Yours in anticipation Railway 04-Nov-09
A: For sure. I’ll give you two of these just for the front wheel of your bike. You need to wear a string of garlic when you ride the KLK.
Q: excellent work ,would you consider swapping it for a tyre swan . some tibetan yak cheese, and a volvo hat. regards 03-Nov-09
A: A tyre swan, now I’ve never had one of those before. What does it do? I’ve had a few volvos, and a few hats to match. I don’t like yak cheese but I’m very interested in the tyre swan.
Q: hey man iv come up with a good use for the rocket. a bong .fill the air cleaner with hippie weed light it and suck on the exhaust now iv got the hippies thinking about buying it hope you sell it steve 03-Nov-09
A: The last thing some hippie would want is a beard tangled up in a poor excuse for a chain and sprocket. It would be good to watch though.
Q: I have read your discription of this item with intrest and have come to the opinion that it is not a childs bike, but infact one of saddams missing weapons of mass distruction and the trail of fire it leaves behind when started up is from not the carby but a faulty thruster engine. i think you should contact border control and inform them. Did the friend who gave it you have a name that started with Bin?I look forward to your reply. 03-Nov-09
A: I contacted customs and asked why they would let something like this into the country. They told me that when they tapped it on the counter, no bugs fell out of it, just half a piston and some spring onions. I asked them to send me a fine just for owning it, but they wouldn’t unless I tried to take it out of the country in boogie board cover. I think it did have something to do with Bin, maybe Shouldbeinbin Later.
Q: Hi, I wanted to know if I buy this bike, if you’d personally fill it with petrol and let me watch you burn rubber.. I might actually make my money back by putting it on youtube, which gets seen by Oprah, which gets me a book deal, which gets a movie made? Just a thought. Anyway, with the financial crisis and everything it’s hard to part with the sort of serious cash you are asking for it but I’d be happy to swap it for a packet of clothes pegs and a shower-cap (which has hardly been used)… yes, also a half squeezed orange that I used the other day to add some zest into my toilet bowl.? Actually now that I think of it I could possibly up that by handing over my limited edition Samantha Fox poster I used to jerk off to in the early 80’s? Please reply, this bike looks perfect for me.. thanks in advance. 03-Nov-09
A: Yes, I’ll do as you have requested, but I need a cut of the earnings. I wish I kept my ABBA poster.
Q: Where do I meet you to exchange the donkey for the bike? 03-Nov-09
A: Before I commit, how old is the Donkey? You’ll have to meet me at Karuah so that I can put the donkey to work on my collection of octopus beaks.
Q: Hi I’m thinking about joining the crusty demons and going on a world tour, is this the bike for me 03-Nov-09
A: No, it’s too safe for what they get up to. You need the trike of death.
Q: My maiden aunt’s dowry consists of a donkey, two live goats, 5 united states dollars, and a penguin. Is that a fair trade? 03-Nov-09
A: Yes, but can I take the dowry instead of the aunt. I need a donkey and you can never have too many goats or penguins. My last penguind died after I accidently fed it to an owl.
Q: I don’t have two frozen chooks. Would you accept one frozen chook, a slab of Coopers and my maiden aunt’s hand in marriage? 03-Nov-09
A: I already have six wives, five have already fallen victim to the Trike of Death. Shame.
Q: I don’t have any money. Will you accept a frozen chicken? 03-Nov-09
A: If you came in with that offer when the bike started at $6.99 I would have jumped at the idea. Now it would cost you two frozen chooks and a case of Coopers sparkling ale.
Q: Hey Mate, I’ve got a yellow road bike type pocket bike, I think it might be made by the same kid… (handle bars and foot pegs are loose, and the back tyre doesnt inflate) would you be interested in doing a swap? Cheers 03-Nov-09
A: I think the loose handlebars and foot pegs are a built in speed limiting device. If you ride too fast you die, no more speed. I’ll think about the swap though.
Q: great description hollywood. and a word of advice; i would go to your family doctor and have blood work done, as it is a well known fact that the chinese have been exporting devices with enough lead in them to kill a full grown rhinocerous. and since your “delicate areas” are what actually touches said device, i would be especially concerned… 03-Nov-09
A: I have had a blood test recently, but I put the high lead levels down to the fact that I used to sit on my back verandah with a mouth full of air rifle pellets, shooting pegs off the clothes line for six hours a day.
Q: I am thinking of placing this in many bike shows around Australia, do you think the write up would win or the bike?? 03-Nov-09
A: There’s a good chance that the bike will win, maybe an encouragement award.
Q: WHAT BRAND IS IT,PLEASE 03-Nov-09
A: Brand? I think it was left up to the buyer to give these things a brand. The problem was that the factory manager couldn’t translate the chinese phrase, “Oh no, look, this one is worse than the last one” So they left them unbranded.
Ask seller a question

[drewMember]

your wish is my command
:silly:

I have a reputation for not putting enough effort into describing items I sell on ebay, so this time I’m going to be very clear in describing the item.

The pictures above appear to be of some type of small child’s motorbike, possibly a minibike, yes, that’s what it looks like. However, this is one of those very rare Chinese made miniature motorcycles of which only about 56,785,920 were distributed world wide last year. The total lack of spare parts for these things has now convinced me that each child born in China was tasked with producing one of these; from a roll of aluminium foil and an empty ice cream container. That explains why each one is different. Not just different colours, but every single one is unique in its dimensions and spirit. Some have even been made inside-out.

Some of them have wheels which are almost round, mine doesn’t. The frame appears to be made of bamboo, painted silver to make it look stronger. When they gave the Chinese made boats the name Junk, I can now see why. Surely, one of the five year old kids tasked with building these things could weld. Every weld on the frame of this thing looks like a passing sparrow has splattered semi metallic poo on it, badly. Every bolt is a different size and the fact that it doesn’t change shape if left in the sunlight has amazed me.

I rode it once, that was enough. It was about as comfortable as pouring a cup full of leaf-cutting ants down my undies. Even though I’m so short that my feet are actually above my head, somehow riding this thing saw me wearing my ankles as earrings and trying to steer at the same time. Making things even worse was that it was like riding a chainsaw with wheels. The motor can rev like a cat with a clothes peg on its tail, making this little bike go faster than standing still – which is already a stretch of its safety envelope.

Before I took it for its one and only ride, I had to fill it up with fuel. I couldn’t understand how such a small machine could need such a large fuel tank, but then fifteen minutes after I’d put the fire out, I worked out why. The fuel leak from the carby was that severe that by the time I’d travelled 12 metres with my feet behind my head, the grass behind me was on fire. The leaking fuel had some how caught alight and although I was hoping it was a trail of burning rubber from its tyre shredding power, it was merely a small fire, not unlike a burning pipeline in Iraq. Fortunately, the fuel leak was so bad that by the time the fire caught up to the bike, there was nothing left to burn.

The bodywork on the bike isn’t even attached. I don’t know how it ever could be. There must have been a fight at the child labour factory when this thing was made, obviously the stronger five year old stole the bits that allowed this bike’s bodywork to be attached to its silver bamboo frame. So it just sits there making this thing even more ridiculous. You would expect that motorcycle bodywork would be made of plastic, true. But given the fact that this stuff a) didn’t burn and b) is as flexible as a Viagra induced erection, tells me that it is something from another planet, possibly China. I suspect that it may be some super organic, self regenerating rice paper or something.

Starting this bike is about as easy as getting a table of six for Yum Cha at 12pm. Despite the fuel gushing from the poor excuse for a carby, this thing has a pull start which has a cord about as long as a primary school play lunch. With the amount of fuel flooding from the carby, it requires full throttle to start. The first time I got it going it rode off with only the ghost of Chopstick Creek at the controls. I later learned that the best way to start it was by holding it under your arm and acting out an ACDC guitar riff before putting it back down, placing your ankles behind your ears and hoping that the thing stayed upright long enough for someone to get a photo.

On the bright side, this thing would make a fantastic garden ornament, because it has a miraculous ability to convert itself to important soil nutrients, like iron oxide, very quickly. You will notice that one of the front fork stanchions is all rusty. I didn’t do that in photoshop, it really is rooted. You will also notice that the steering is out of alignment, but what do you expect from child labour?

When the Trike of Death saw this little bike, it turned around in a very large circle and looked the other way. You have to feel sorry for this little machine, it’s like a puppy in a pound. Surely someone out there must have a good home for it? Lets face it, you can now buy something that has trodden the same ground as the legendary Trike of Death for less than the cost of a Trike of Death T shirt. You may even be able to convert this little thing into a candle, a hearing aid, a belt buckle or something else useful.

This monstrosity needs to go. Even if you buy it just for something to kick your toe on it would be worth it. You could paint it black and leave it on some stairs one night. You could create an artificial reef out of it, for one small and selfish fish. Whatever you do with it is your own business, just don’t tell anyone where it came from.

In response to some anticipated questions, here are the answers:

No, I don’t have a buy it now price, but if you can convince ebay to refund my listing fee, you can have it.

No, it doesn’t have a seat, the manufacturer didn’t design it to last long enough for your arse to make it to the where the seat would normally be.

No, it ran out of warranty on the third day, which was when it was somewhere in the middle of the Sea of China, on its way to infest the world with a good dose of unquality control.

Yes, I will deliver it to Anaheim California, it will only cost a return airfare ex Sydney and a Disneyland pass.

No, the brakes don’t work. It wasn’t designed to make it that far.

Yes, it is crap.

True, it does look good. So too do most celebrities until you see them in the flesh.

No, it wouldn’t be a nice gift for a six year old, or any other number between 1 and 1000.

No, there isn’t any spare parts available for it. They were designed around the same concept as disposable razors and toilet paper, not much good after the first use.

Yes, you are welcome to take it for a test ride – after you buy it and then sell it to someone else who advertises it for sale and offers you a ride of it.

Q: Is the starting price a typo ? I’ll offer you 67c for it and you pay the postage.
A: The starting price was $6.99, which was my payment for writing the silly ad. Serious ads cost $12.80 so you should be thankful.

Q: Is the lead paint job in good shape? Are the plastic parts the same material they use in the dog food they export to the U.S.A.? How far are you from N.J. Thanks, Nicky Newark. … Continue reading
A: The bike is painted in blue asbestos, cheaper than lead. The plastic in the dog food is far more nutritional than this rubbish. I’m a long way from NJ, but if the sale falls through, I’ll take in on a world tour.

Q: Serious suggestion Hollywood. Withdraw from sale and relist in eBay Nigeria. When the scammers win, send them the bike with a hefty postal charge. Should cure them of ever scamming again. Thanks for the laugh. I’ll be… Continue reading
A: Thanks Chris. I just received an email from Nigeria where they have recommended that I invest in shares in this thing. Far out, I own it, how much more investment do I need.

Q:I was thinking this would be a good gift for my Ex-wife. However I am concerned about the gas mileage that her F@tA$$ would be getting. Could you tell how this will perform on fried rice? Also is a fart regenerator available… Continue reading
A: The fuel economy will be improved once her r’s catches on fire and the fat starts to drip into the carby. It may just blow a little more smoke. The only modification this thing really needs is to be put on a train track… Continue reading
04 Nov, 2009

Q: I am 73 and have a busted leg- does this qualify as a mobility device under Medicare? You must be the reincarnation of Mark Twain. I laughed until tears ran down my face. Thank you for making my day so enjoyable!
A: Enjoyable day – with a busted leg. You wait ’til I list my boat for sale, that will make you happy and it may just be what you need for your rehab. Good luck with straightening out coat hangers to scratch those itches. … Continue reading

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