Jokes

[SteveMember]

Sorry Rach brace youself,was just feeling the water.

[SteveMember]

Saw a fortune teller the other day ,she said I would be coming into some money.
Well I shagged a girl called Penny last night.Weird or what.

[SteveMember]

The wife is pissed off with me again.so I snuck in and changed her tampon for a party popper.
She has no sense of humour.

[SteveMember]

The missus came out of the bathroom and said
“I just shaved my pussy,you no what that means”
I said “great the plug holes blocked again”

[SteveMember]

My mate says he always cry’s after sex.

Mind you he is still in jail.

[SteveMember]

How does every ethnic joke start.

With a quick look over your shoulder.

[DarrenMember]

Look at what you started Rach! 😆 😆

[SteveMember]

I saw a midget walking out of JB HIFI today with a tv under his arm.
I said “nice flat screen plasma buddy”
He said” fuk off dickhead its an I Pad”

[SteveMember]

A man was hospitalized today with 6 little plastic horses up his ass.
The doctor have described his condition as Stable

[SteveMember]

This homeless drunk bum was walking over a bridge and spots a nice looking lady about to jump off.
He says to her,”if yar guna jump hows bout a root before ya do.”
She says “Fuc off you fkn drunken old bum”
He says “Suit your self,I’ll start walking to the bottom!

Sorry

[Nick JacksonMember]

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, ” This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words.”
The guy replies, “Hey why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and one at a time lays three hundred dollar bills on the bar, and says slowly: “Paint….My….House.”

[Nick JacksonMember]

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband came into the kitchen.

“Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!

TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They’re going 2 STICK! Careful.. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!

You NEVER listen to me …when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?

Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget that. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”

The wife stared at him. “What is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”

[Nick JacksonMember]

A mum is cleaning her son’s bedroom and finds a stack of bondage and fetish magazines.
She asks her husband what should they do?
He says don’t know but whatever you do don’t fckn spank him!

[SteveMember]

A bloke comes home from work and says to his wife,”I have had a really bad week”
Please tell me something to make me feel better about myself.
Wife says “Out of all 20 or so of your mates , you have the second biggest dick”!!!!

[RachMember]

razzle wrote:

Look at what you started Rach! 😆 😆

Well 12 days later looks like he is well and truly warmed up! :laugh:

OMG i laughed at some of those toes I feel like i need a shower now :unsure:

[Author]

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