Jokes

This topic contains 487 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by  Adrian Snowden 9 years ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1,576 through 1,590 (of 1,694 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #251335

    A duck walked in a butchers shop, waddeled straight up to the counter and asked if the butcher had any worms, the butcher looked strangely at the duck and said no, this is a butchers shop. The duck thanked the butcher, nodded his head and waddeled out of the store

    The next morning the same duck waddeled into the butchers shop, straight up to the counter and asked if the butcher had any worms, the butcher, understanding annoyed replied no, this is a butchers shop. The duck nodded and waddeled on out

    The duck returned again the next day! Straight up to the counter, asked the butcher if he had any worms! The furious butcher screamed no we don’t you stupid duck, you ask me one more time I’m going to blow you’re head off with my shot gun, defeather you and sell you. The duck a bit shocked, nodded and waddeled out.

    The next day the butcher was cleaning the display window when the door opened, he turned to see the same bloody duck ! What the hell do you want yelled the butcher, the duck asked do you have a shot gun I can borrow?

    No I don’t why’s that replied the butcher

    The duck piped up, well in that case do you happen to have any worms

    #106827

    Two aboriginal guys were in a bar talking, and one says to the other, “You ever notice after you have sex with a white woman that your eyes burn, your nose burns and you get all teary-eyed?”

    The second aboriginal guy says, “Yeah, all the time.”

    The first one asked, “Why is that?”

    The second says, “I’m pretty sure it’s the pepper spray.”

    #106828

    Why dont blind people bungee jump

    It scares the guide dog too much

    #251384

    Steve
    Member

    Girls don’t die a virgin.

    There are terrorists waiting up there for you.

    #106829

    THE NUN AND THE HIPPIE

    A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun.
    He sits down next to her, and asks her: “Can we have sex?”

    “No,” she replies, “I’m married to God.”
    She stands up, and Gets off at the next stop.

    The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says:
    “I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!”

    “Yeah?”, says the hippie.

    “Yeah!”, say the bus driver.

    “She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to
    pray, so all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood,

    Put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard,
    And pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God.”

    The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the
    cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.

    “I am God,” he declares to the nun,
    Keeping the hood low about his Face.
    “Have sex with me.”

    The nun agrees without question,
    But begs him to restrict himself to anal sex,
    As she is desperate not to lose her virginity.

    ‘God’ agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her.
    As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.

    “Ha-ha,” he cries. “I’m the hippie!”

    “Ha-ha,” cries the nun. “I’m the bus driver!

    #106830

    Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on beds next to each other,
    waiting outside the Operating Room.

    The first kid leans over and asks, ‘What are you in here for?’

    The second kid says,
    ‘I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.’

    The first kid says,
    ‘You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four.
    They put you to sleep, & when you wake up they give you lots of ice cream.
    You’ll be completely over it in just a few days.’

    The second kid then asks, ‘What are you in here for?

    The first kid says, ‘A circumcision.’

    The second kid says,
    ‘Whoa, good luck with that one, buddy!
    I had that done when I was BORN…Couldn’t walk for a year.

    #251704

    ATT00001_zpsfdf24010.jpg

    ATT00002_zps27430eab.jpg

    No raciest jokes please.
    Just thought I’d show the difference between us Newy boys and the Tamworthians ;)

    #252059
    Murph the surf wrote:
    ATT00001_zpsfdf24010.jpg

    ATT00002_zps27430eab.jpg

    No raciest jokes please.
    Just thought I’d show the difference between us Newy boys and the Tamworthians ;)

    Wow that top pictures great I have never seen bollocks double boony before. And is that you or eagle riding the bottom bike?

    #252073

    Matt Baker
    Member

    James “Bubba” Stewart

    #252074

    Cris
    Member

    Black Panties

    Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago.
    Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get
    back into the dating world.
    Finally, Anna said she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone.

    Her daughter immediately replied,
    “Mom I have someone for you to meet.”

    Well, it was an immediate hit.
    They took to one another and after dating for six weeks,
    he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain …

    Their first night there, she undressed as he did.
    There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties
    He in his birthday suit.

    Looking her over, he asked, “Why the black panties?”

    She replied:
    “My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore,
    But down there I am still mourning.”

    He knew he was not getting lucky that night.

    The following night was the same —
    She stood there wearing the black lacy panties,
    And he was in his birthday suit —
    But now he was wearing a black condom…

    She looked at him and asked: “What’s with the black condom?”

    He replied,
    “I want to offer my deepest condolences”

    #106831

    Leo.C
    Member

    My partner just caught me blow drying my genitals and asked what I was doing.
    Apparently “heating your dinner” was not the right answer! :unsure:

    #106832

    Leo.C
    Member

    Wife: “My gynecologist says I can’t have sex for 2 weeks”

    Husband : “What did your dentist say”?

    #252109

    How do tell if a termite is gay

    You’ll find it eating mailboxes

    #252110

    Dean
    Member

    “I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”

    Ollie :laugh:

    #252115

    Dean
    Member

    A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

    Ollie :laugh:

Viewing 15 posts - 1,576 through 1,590 (of 1,694 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.