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November 3, 2013 at 6:32 am #251335
A duck walked in a butchers shop, waddeled straight up to the counter and asked if the butcher had any worms, the butcher looked strangely at the duck and said no, this is a butchers shop. The duck thanked the butcher, nodded his head and waddeled out of the store
The next morning the same duck waddeled into the butchers shop, straight up to the counter and asked if the butcher had any worms, the butcher, understanding annoyed replied no, this is a butchers shop. The duck nodded and waddeled on out
The duck returned again the next day! Straight up to the counter, asked the butcher if he had any worms! The furious butcher screamed no we don’t you stupid duck, you ask me one more time I’m going to blow you’re head off with my shot gun, defeather you and sell you. The duck a bit shocked, nodded and waddeled out.
The next day the butcher was cleaning the display window when the door opened, he turned to see the same bloody duck ! What the hell do you want yelled the butcher, the duck asked do you have a shot gun I can borrow?
No I don’t why’s that replied the butcher
The duck piped up, well in that case do you happen to have any worms
November 4, 2013 at 9:20 pm #106827Two aboriginal guys were in a bar talking, and one says to the other, “You ever notice after you have sex with a white woman that your eyes burn, your nose burns and you get all teary-eyed?”
The second aboriginal guy says, “Yeah, all the time.”
The first one asked, “Why is that?”
The second says, “I’m pretty sure it’s the pepper spray.”
November 5, 2013 at 2:48 am #106828Why dont blind people bungee jump
It scares the guide dog too much
November 11, 2013 at 9:02 am #251384Girls don’t die a virgin.
There are terrorists waiting up there for you.
November 12, 2013 at 10:26 pm #106829THE NUN AND THE HIPPIE
A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun.
He sits down next to her, and asks her: “Can we have sex?”“No,” she replies, “I’m married to God.”
She stands up, and Gets off at the next stop.The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says:
“I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!”“Yeah?”, says the hippie.
“Yeah!”, say the bus driver.
“She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to
pray, so all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood,Put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard,
And pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God.”The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the
cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.“I am God,” he declares to the nun,
Keeping the hood low about his Face.
“Have sex with me.”The nun agrees without question,
But begs him to restrict himself to anal sex,
As she is desperate not to lose her virginity.‘God’ agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her.
As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.“Ha-ha,” he cries. “I’m the hippie!”
“Ha-ha,” cries the nun. “I’m the bus driver!
November 12, 2013 at 10:29 pm #106830Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on beds next to each other,
waiting outside the Operating Room.The first kid leans over and asks, ‘What are you in here for?’
The second kid says,
‘I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.’The first kid says,
‘You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four.
They put you to sleep, & when you wake up they give you lots of ice cream.
You’ll be completely over it in just a few days.’The second kid then asks, ‘What are you in here for?
The first kid says, ‘A circumcision.’
The second kid says,
‘Whoa, good luck with that one, buddy!
I had that done when I was BORN…Couldn’t walk for a year.November 25, 2013 at 12:37 am #251704November 25, 2013 at 6:15 am #252059November 25, 2013 at 6:32 am #252073James “Bubba” Stewart
November 27, 2013 at 8:06 am #252074Black Panties
Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago.
Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get
back into the dating world.
Finally, Anna said she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone.Her daughter immediately replied,
“Mom I have someone for you to meet.”Well, it was an immediate hit.
They took to one another and after dating for six weeks,
he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain …Their first night there, she undressed as he did.
There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties
He in his birthday suit.Looking her over, he asked, “Why the black panties?”
She replied:
“My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore,
But down there I am still mourning.”He knew he was not getting lucky that night.
The following night was the same —
She stood there wearing the black lacy panties,
And he was in his birthday suit —
But now he was wearing a black condom…She looked at him and asked: “What’s with the black condom?”
He replied,
“I want to offer my deepest condolences”November 27, 2013 at 10:58 am #106831My partner just caught me blow drying my genitals and asked what I was doing.
Apparently “heating your dinner” was not the right answer! :unsure:November 27, 2013 at 11:01 am #106832Wife: “My gynecologist says I can’t have sex for 2 weeks”
Husband : “What did your dentist say”?
November 27, 2013 at 11:32 am #252109How do tell if a termite is gay
You’ll find it eating mailboxes
November 28, 2013 at 4:06 am #252110“I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”
Ollie :laugh:
November 28, 2013 at 4:07 am #252115A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Ollie :laugh:
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