Jokes

[DeanMember]

While im on a roll :laugh:

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal.’ The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan’. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ”But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

Ollie :laugh:

[Chris NicholsonMember]

There is a new drug available for depressed lesbians………….its called Trycoxagain

[Nick JacksonMember]

If Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber were both drowning and you only had time to save one ……..

What kind of sandwich would you make ?

[drewMember]

Before Viagra was decided upon as the name for the little blue wonder tablet, there was a list of names in the running.

Micoxafailin.
Mydixadroopin.
Mycoxafolppin
Midixadud.
Peckertopleaseagain.
Stiffenmyschlong.

:huh: :cheer:

[GregMember]

Ollie wrote:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

Ollie :laugh:

Thanks Ollie that made me laugh at 11.30 while completing the maps, funny stuff :laugh: :laugh:

TB

[TobyMember]

One day Paddy, an Irishman, goes into a chemist shop – reaches into his pocket and
takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.

He pours some whiskey onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist.
“Could you taste this for me, please?”

The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid
around and swallows it.

“Does that taste sweet to you?” says Paddy.
“No, not at all,” says the chemist.

“Oh that’s a relief,” says Paddy.
“The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”

[drewMember]

What do you get when you cross a biker with a Jehovah’s Witness?

Someone that knocks on your door and tells you to ‘get lost’. 

Just as you’re about to say ‘but you knocked on my door’, he tells you ‘I’m just not interested’. Then slams your door!

[Nick JacksonMember]

A Christmas Love Story …….

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping centre was packed – as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen.
She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. She became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was. In a quiet voice he said, “Do you remember the jewellers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn’t afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?” The wife choked up and started to cry and said, “Yes, I do remember that shop.”
He replied, “Well, I’m in the pub next door.”

Nick

[dennis da menaceMember]

What’s blue and doesn’t fit??

A dead epileptic :laugh:

[SteveMember]

Mabel and cesil are both in there 80,and having both lost their partners,they decide to go out on a date.
Dinner was lovely and they had a great night.
well one thing led to another and they went back to Cesils place.
after a bit of a romp in the bedroom,both exhausted ,Cesil turn to Mabel and says
Mabel if I had of known you were a virgin I would have gone a bit easier on you!
Mabel replies
Cesil if I had of known you could still get it up at your( AVD riding) age .
I would have taken my undies off .

[Chris NicholsonMember]

OkBeer Monster

 

This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of “VIC BITTER” cheap at the local bottle o.

I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.

She glanced at the two boxes of beer, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a sexy voice, “I’m a big believer in barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?” …

I thought for a few seconds and asked, “What kind of beer ‘ya got?”

(Spoken like a true Aussie)

 

 

 

 

[drewMember]

Drop dead gorgeous blond walks up to Nate at the bar and says ” so your Nate, ive heard you have a really big cock?”.

Nate replies ” sorry you must be thinking of my brother dale, he’s the poultry farmer, Im the pig farmer “.

:huh: :ohmy: :cheer: 😆

[drewMember]

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-Wd-Q3F8KM&feature=youtube_gdata_player[/video]

[drewMember]

You know why KTM riders resemble apes?

Because of all the arm stretching power and toque!

[AlexMember]

xy-transit wrote:

You know why KTM riders resemble apes?

Because of all the arm stretching power and toque!

That’s not a joke at all. Plagarised straight from Wikipedia.

[Author]

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