Jokes

[drewMember]

These guys that have their own fishing shows, that are that good they can cast out and almost every time reel in a catch

Would be classed as some of the countries master baters….

[drewMember]

Boze wrote:

50 Grayish Shades …. !!

Back and forth . . . . back and forth . . . .
In and out . . . . in and out . . . .
A little to the right . . . . a little to the left . . . .
She could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . .
Between her breasts . . . . and, trickling down the small of her back . . . .
She was getting near to the end . . . . !!
He was in ecstasy . . . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved . . . . Forwards then backwards . . . .
Forward then backward . . . .
Again . . . . and, again . . . . !!
Her heart was pounding now . . . .
Her face was flushed . . . .
She moaned . . . . softly at first, then began to groan louder . . . .
Finally . . . . totally exhausted . . . . she let out a piercing scream . . .
She shouted . . . . :

“OK, OK, you smug bastard, I can’t parallel park . . . .
You do it . . . . !!”

Thanks a lot Bozee! . .I almost got a semi…….…..

Veered into the wrong lane, I really shouldn’t drive n read …..

[SteveMember]

I could believe that XY.

Bout time for some jokes again.
Will be back

[drewMember]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbj5ylB_-Qg

[CrisMember]

Xy Transit STOP DRIVING for this 1

Magic Sandals

A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica .
They were touring around the market-place looking at the
Goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop..
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say,
‘You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop..’
So the married couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, ‘I ‘ave some special sandals I tink you
Would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex..’
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what
The man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them,
Being the Sex God that he was.
The husband asked the man, ‘How could sandals make you a sex freak?’
The Jamaican replied, ‘Just try dem on, Mon.’
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his
Eyes, something his wife hadn’t seen before!!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican,
Bent him over the table, yanked down his pants,
Ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold
Of the Jamaican’s thighs.
The Jamaican began screaming in panic: ‘You got dem on de wrong feet!’

[drewMember]

Cannibal’s wife asked him what’s with all the smart people he’d been catching and brining home to eat.

First the math teacher. Then the nerdy chess kid. The high school computer club kids and so on.

He replied that the doctor said they needed to eat at least 3 square meals a day.

[simon burkeMember]

A SHORT LOVE STORY

A man and a woman who had never met before, and who were both married
to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on
a Transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were
both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1 : 00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,

‘Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to
get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold’

‘I have a better idea,’ she replied ‘Just for tonight let’s pretend that we’re
married’

‘Wow!………………….That’s a great idea!’ he exclaimed..

‘Good,’ she replied…………….’Get your own fucking blanket.’

After a moment of silence, …………………… He farted.

The End

[drewMember]

Tb just called. They were riding past the ice cream shop where the ex works. He asked what she looked like, I explained that she is blonde, bigish boobs and a telly tubby butt/ body shape

Tb then told me Cops everywhere . it had to be her, they did a body search on her and found 9 kilos of crack in her ass.

[drewMember]

Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, “Old MacDonald had a _________.”

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn’t watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder.

“Pssst. Tiny. What’s the answer to the last question?”

Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn’t noticed then he turned to Bubba.

“Bubba, you’re so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm.”

“Oh yeah,” said Bubba. “I remember now.” He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap Tiny’s shoulder again, he whispered, “Tiny, how do you spell farm?”

“You are really dumb, Bubba. That’s so easy. Farm is spelled – E-I-E-I-O.”

[simon burkeMember]

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse
Language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.

She decided she would take her lunch and sit with them, so she put her sandwich in a
Brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.

Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked: “Any of you men know Jesus Christ?”

They shook their heads and looked at each other, very confused. Then one of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, “Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?”

One of the steelworkers yelled back down, “Why?”

The worker yelled back, “’Cause his mum’s here with his lunch.”

[SteveMember]

I have befriended A Muslim guy in my street.
Was at his place the other day when his Wife came out and said,
You are a filthy no good paedophile.

muslim said That’s a big word for a nine year old.

[drewMember]

5 meter roll of bubble wrap was delivered to the workshop the other day, I ask the boss what to do with it. He said just pop it over in the corner there.

3 ½ hrs later I’m still here.

[CrisMember]

[Adrian SnowdenMember]

The parrot was making more sense than Aaron was on Saturday night

[Author]

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