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December 8, 2008 at 9:44 pm #113963
You know you’re Australian if….
You know the meaning of ‘girt’
You believe that stubbies can either be worn or drunk
You think it is normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin
You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse
You’ve made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden
When you hear that an American ‘roots for his team’ you wonder how often and with whom
You understand that the phrase ‘a group of women wearing black thongs’ refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds
You pronounce Melbourne as ‘Mel-bin’
You pronounce Penrith as ‘Pen-riff’
You believe the ‘L’ in the word ‘ Australia ‘ is optional
You can translate: ‘Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas’
You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep
You call your best friend ‘a total bastard’ but someone you really, truly despise is just ‘a bit of a bastard’
You think ‘Woolloomooloo’ is a perfectly reasonable name for a place
You believe is makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that’s twice as big as its $2 coin
You understand that ‘Wagga Wagga’ can be abbreviated to ‘Wagga’ but ‘Woy Woy’ can’t be called ‘Woy’
You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread
You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis
You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says ‘cobber’
You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels’ song ‘Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again’
You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year
You still don’t get why the ‘Labor’ in ‘Australian Labor Party’ is not spelt with a ‘U
You wear ugh boots outside the house
You believe that the more you shorten someone’s name the more you like them
Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language
You understand that ‘excuse me’ can sound rude, while ‘scuse me’ is always polite
You know what it’s like to swallow a fly, on occasions via your nose
You understand that ‘you’ has a plural and that it’s ‘youse’
You know it’s not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle
You biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules of beach cricket
You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call ‘Anzac cookies’
You still think of Kylie as ‘that girl off Neighbours’
When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs – just in case you’re trying to sneak in fruit
You believe the phrase ‘smart casual’ refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered
You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction
When working at a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer
You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second
You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government’s new test for migrants.
December 9, 2008 at 12:48 am #114130Not a joke but funny anyway…The boys didn’t realise the stacker came up that far
December 9, 2008 at 9:26 pm #106427A blonde is showing off her new tattoo of a giant seashell on her inner thigh. Her friends ask her why she would get such a tattoo and in that location.
She responds ‘It’s really cool. If you put your ear up against it, you can smell the ocean.’
December 10, 2008 at 1:34 am #114192How to Make a Woman Happy
It’s not difficult to make a woman happy….
A man only needs to be:1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynaecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined!
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionateWITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girlsAND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goesIT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makesHOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring foodDecember 15, 2008 at 9:07 am #114261What did the Kiwi think when he came across a sheep tied to a power pole???
PLAYSTATION!!!!!
December 15, 2008 at 8:54 pm #113612Happy as a pig in Shit !!
December 15, 2008 at 11:21 pm #114928
AnonymousDecember 15, 2008 at 11:21 pm #113613
AnonymousDecember 15, 2008 at 11:28 pm #113614
AnonymousDecember 18, 2008 at 12:13 am #113615
AnonymousA Christmas Story for people having a bad day:
When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
December 18, 2008 at 12:58 am #115301Hey Moto,what the pic of that violated photobuckets terms of use??
December 18, 2008 at 1:00 am #115305
AnonymousYeah, I noticed that earlier. It was the one with the lady in a bikini bent over on a boat. She had a bikini on a no nude bits were showing, I didn’t see the big deal….
December 18, 2008 at 1:02 am #115306
AnonymousShit!! I’ve just realised that they have loced my account and I can no longer upload pictures!! :ohmy: I noticed it theis morning but have just put 2 + 2 together!!!!! Bastards :angry:
December 18, 2008 at 2:41 am #115308Ivan Milat was driving up into the Belanglo State Forest one night with two backpackers,One of the backpackers said Geez its scarey up here at night …Ivan turned to her and said how do you think i feel i have to drive back alone
December 18, 2008 at 3:26 am #115307Moto wrote:
Quote:Shit!! I’ve just realised that they have loced my account and I can no longer upload pictures!! :ohmy: I noticed it theis morning but have just put 2 + 2 together!!!!! Bastards :angry:I remember the pic now. You will have to use xs.to as and uploader now.
Just google xs.to -
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