Jokes

[Paul SouthwellMember]

An aboriginal came home from school and told his mum
“I have the biggest cock in grade 3.Is that because im black?”
“No you fuckwit,it’s because you’r 19,”:huh:

[Paul SouthwellMember]

Recipe:
How to make love.

Ingredients:
4 laughing eyes
4 well shaped legs
4 loving arms
2 firm milk containers
2 nuts
1 firm banana
1 mixing bowl.

Directions:

1-Look into laughing eyes
2-Spread well shaped legs, with loving arms
3-Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently
4-Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed.
5-As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak, preferably not over night
6-The cake is done when banana is soft,if banana doesn’t soften repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.
Notes:
1-If you are in unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use!
2-Do not lick the mixing bowl after use
3-If cake rises leave town.

[Anonymous]

Tiny wrote:

Quote:

Recipe:
How to make love.

Ingredients:
4 laughing eyes
4 well shaped legs
4 loving arms
2 firm milk containers
2 nuts
1 firm banana
1 mixing bowl.

Directions:

1-Look into laughing eyes
2-Spread well shaped legs, with loving arms
3-Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently
4-Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed.
5-As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak, preferably not over night
6-The cake is done when banana is soft,if banana doesn’t soften repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.
Notes:
1-If you are in unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use!
2-Do not lick the mixing bowl after use
3-If cake rises leave town.

Thats’ gotta be the funniest joke in this thread mate, I laughed out so loud I had to read it out to the other peopel in the office :laugh: Shame we don’t have a prize for this thread for you :p

[Eric SmithMember]

During the Revolution, the rebels captured a Count. Under torture he refused to give them any information, so he was scheduled for beheading.

The day of the execution came around and he was led to the chopping block. The executioner raised his axe, the crown went silent, he axe started to drop and suddenly the Count called out “All right, I’ll tell you everything!”… but it was too late, the axe was falling and CHOP, off went his head.

The moral to the story?

Don’t hatchet your Counts before they chicken!

[GregMember]

ECKS-Man wrote:

Quote:

During the Revolution, the rebels captured a Count. Under torture he refused to give them any information, so he was scheduled for beheading.

The day of the execution came around and he was led to the chopping block. The executioner raised his axe, the crown went silent, he axe started to drop and suddenly the Count called out “All right, I’ll tell you everything!”… but it was too late, the axe was falling and CHOP, off went his head.

The moral to the story?

Don’t hatchet your Counts before they chicken!

Thats the worst joke ECKS shocking, should be head you for telling it :laugh:

TB

[Eric SmithMember]

You laughed! Go on admit it, you had a chuckle!

[Anonymous]

Oh………my……..god! 100% with TB on that one. My knock knock jokes were much better! :ohmy:

[Mick DMember]

Don’t let the heathens bother you ECKS.I thought it was a good play with words.

[DeanMember]

and IM a Souths supporter!:laugh:

Russel Crowe flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play rugby league and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to South Sydney.
He’s signed to a one-year contract and the kid joins the team for the pre-season.
Two weeks later Rabbits are down 10 nil to Easts with only 10 minutes left.
The coach gives the young Iraqi the nod and he goes in. The kid is a sensation – scores 3 tries in 10 minutes and wins the game for South Sydney!
The fans are thrilled, the players and coaches are delighted, and the media are in love with the new star.
When the player comes off the ground he phones his mum to tell her about his first day of Australian Rugby League.
‘Hello mum, guess what?’ he says. ‘I played for 10 minutes today, we were 10 nil down, but I scored 3 tries and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media…
‘Wonderful,’ says his mum, ‘Let me tell you about my day.
Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, raped and beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time.’
The young Iraqi is very upset.
‘What can I say mum, I’m so sorry.’
Sorry? You’re sorry?’ says his mum, ‘It’s your fault we moved to Redfern in the first place!’

[Mick DMember]

Hey Ollie everyone in the office loved that one!!! I read it out loud and the secretary actually snorted!!
Lets hope the bunnies have a better year soon. GLORY GLORY.

[DeanMember]

micknmeld wrote:

Quote:

Hey Ollie everyone in the office loved that one!!! I read it out loud and the secretary actually snorted!!
Lets hope the bunnies have a better year soon. GLORY GLORY.

yeh mate hearing ya! I had a grear chuckle as well

ollie

[Mick DMember]

OH dear!!

[GregMember]

Ollie wrote:

Quote:

micknmeld wrote:

Quote:

yeh mate hearing ya! I had a grear chuckle as well

ollie

I got a chuckle at that [img]http://http://www.mysmiley.net/imgs/smile/confused/confused0024.gif[/img]

but not a grear chuckle, just a normal chuckle

[GarryMember]

As men age, we end up seeing more and more of the Medical establishment, which nowadays, has more and more women in it.

For example, my family doctor recently referred me to a female urologist. I saw her yesterday and she is absolutely gorgeous. She’s beautiful and unbelievably sexy.

She told me that I must stop masturbating. I asked her why, and she said, “Because I’m trying to examine you.”

[DeanMember]

Guy says to his wife:

“What would you do if I won the lottery?”

Wife Replies:

“I’d take half and leave you!”

Guy says:

“Excellent! I had 3 & a sup….. won 10 bucks, here’s 5, now fu * k off”

Ollie :laugh:

[Author]

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