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February 8, 2009 at 9:41 am #106440
A KTM rider called menace went to a bar and ordered a scotch. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the biker and asked, “Are you a real biker?” He replied, “Well, I’ve spent my whole life on KTM’s. My momma was pregnant with me when she rode on the back of my Daddy’s Kato, then as a little boy I rode on the back with my Daddy until I finally got my own KTM. I’ve been riding one ever since. So yes, I guess I am a real biker.”
She said, “I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women; when I shower, watch TV, eat, whatever, everything seems to make me think of women.” Then she got up and left.
Menace, stunned, was thinking about what just happened when a man sat down next to him and asked, “Are you a real biker?”
Menace replied, “I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian.”true story boys…..
menace
February 8, 2009 at 9:45 am #106441i’ll leave Wonda’s alone for a minute and aim this one directly at TB……
A BEER BEFORE IT STARTS
TB came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his Selina, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts.”
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. He skolled it and said, “Quick, bring me another beer. It’s gonna start.”
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, “Quick Honey, another beer, it’s gonna start any second.”
“That’s it!” Selina blows her top, “You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don’t even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don’t you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?”
TB sighed. “Oh shit, it’s started.π :cheer: :cheer: π π π π π
i kill myself sometimes…..lol…
menace
February 8, 2009 at 10:08 am #106442why i love my wife…
she say things like….
β’ Honey, are you sure you have enough beer for tonight?
β’ I love you working on the bike on Saturdays, we should do it together on Sundays?
β’ Honey, I have decided to walk naked at home.
β’ You are so sexy when you are hungry and drunk!
β’ Sweetheart, what kind of exhaust do you want me to buy for the bike?
β’ Do you mind if we watch the cricket together tonight and finish a dozen of scotches?
β’ I am going to wash the bike nude!
β’ No, No, No. I am changing the motor oil this time.
β’ Forget about St Valentine we can go for a bike A4DE instead.
β’ That’s enough! I don’t wanna go for shopping anymore. We better stay home, rent some porn and ….I can invite my girlfriend to join us.
β’ Listen, a new girly bar just opened across the street. Why don’t we go and take a look?
β’ Honey, I just enrolled myself in yoga classes to learn how to put my legs behind my neck. Only for you sweetheart.i love her…
menace
πΏ πΏ πΏFebruary 8, 2009 at 10:16 am #106443theres gotta be a kiwi around here. what else do you do when on the dole but read forums , eh bro
Kiwi biker
β’ While riding one day, alone Biker met a Farmer riding a horse with a dog and a sheep alongside. The biker began a conversation . . . .
β’ Biker: “Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?”
β’ Farmer: “Dogs don’t talk.”
β’ Biker: “Hey dog, how’s it going?”
β’ Dog: “Doing’ alright.”
β’ Farmer: Look of shock.
β’ Biker: “Is this your owner?” pointing at the farmer.
β’ Dog: “Yep.”
β’ Biker: “How does he treat you?”
β’ Dog: “Really well. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, & takes me to the river once a week.”
β’ Farmer: Look of total disbelief.
β’ Biker: “Mind if I talk to your horse?”
β’ Farmer: “Horses don’t talk.”
β’ Biker: “Hey horse, how’s it going?”
β’ Horse: “Cool.”
β’ Farmer: Extreme look of shock.
β’ Biker: “Is this your owner? ” pointing at the Farmer.
β’ Horse: “Yessiree Bob.”
β’ Biker: “How’s he treating you?”
β’ Horse: “Pretty good, and thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me.”
β’ Farmer: Total look of utter amazement.
β’ Biker: “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”
β’ Farmer: “The sheep is a liar.”thats baaaaaaaa-d.
menace
February 8, 2009 at 10:29 am #106444β’ A hip young man called Moto, goes out and buys the best car available: a silver Subaru WRX. He believes it is the best car in the world, It costs him $150000 bucks. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on an XR650 (with old bulls stickers?!)(looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, “What kind of car ya’ got there, sonny?”
β’ Moto replies: “A Subaru WRX, It cost me $150000.
β’ “That’s a lot of money” says the old man, shocked. “Why does it cost so much?
β’ “Because this car can do up to 200 miles an hour!” states the pink shirted Moto proudly.
β’ The XR rider asks, “Can I take a look inside?
β’ “Sure,” replies Moto. So, the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his Honda, the old man says “That’s a pretty nice car, all right!”
Just then, the light changes, so Moto decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 10 seconds the speedometer reads 200 MPH. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoossh! Something whips by him, going much faster! “What on earth could be going faster than my WRX?” Moto asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And, it almost looked like the old man on the Honda! “Couldn’t be,” thinks Moto. “How could a moped outrun an WRX?” Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh Ka-Bbbla…MMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. Moto, in his socks and thongs, jumps out, and sure enough, it is the XR!!! Of course, the Honda and the old man are hurting for certain. Moto runs up to the dying old man and says, “You’re hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?”
β’ The old man on the XR groans and replies “Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!”(cue the Rossco P Coltrane laugh) π π π
menace
February 8, 2009 at 10:36 am #106445just wanna do something special, for all the ladies in the world, and the girls……..(flight of the conchords rock)
β’ A little old lady had always wanted to join a local old bulls. One day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms, named Trailboss, answers.
β’ She proclaims, “I want to join your club.”
β’ The guy was amused, but says she needs to meet certain old bull requirements in order to join.
β’ TB asks: “Do you have a motorcycle?”
β’ The little old lady replies: “Yep… my bike’s parked over there”, and points to a Honda in the driveway.
β’ TB, getting sexually aroused asks: “Do you drink?”
β’ The little old lady replies: “Yep… drink like a fish. I’ll drink any man in your club under the table.”
β’ TB asks: “Do you smoke?”
β’ The lady replies: “Yep… smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs of Winny Red a day.
β’ Very impressed now, TB asks: “Last question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?”
β’ The old lady thinks for a minute and says: Nope, … but I’ve been swung around by my nipples a few times.”shes now a proud member of the old bulls….
menace
February 8, 2009 at 10:54 am #121496You continue to poke me why Menace? Smart man would wait till I sent your prizes tomorrow wouldnt he? :blink: Salina spells her name with an A mate, and she doesnt whine about anything.
TB
February 8, 2009 at 10:57 am #106446and last but not least….
Q)What do you call a group of trail riders with a collective IQ of 120?
A) old bulls!Q)What’s the difference between a XR650 and a Hoover vacuum cleaner?
A)The Harley has room for two dirtbags on board.Q)Why do Honda owners have tassels on their handlebars
A)To be able to tell if they’re moving or not !Q)How is a Honda like an old dog?
A)They both like to ride in the back of utes!!Q)What is the difference between a Honda and an old dog?
A)The dog can get in the back of the pickup by itself.Q)How is a Honda like a Echidna?
A)Both have pricks on their back.Q)How is a Honda like an old dog?
A)If you leave them standing long enough, they’ll both mark their territory.chuckle chuckle snigga snort…
menace :kiss:
February 8, 2009 at 12:06 pm #121501Trailboss wrote:
Quote:You continue to poke me why Menace? Smart man would wait till I sent your prizes tomorrow wouldnt he? :blink: Salina spells her name with an A mate, and she doesnt whine about anything.TB
come on mate feel the love.:kiss:
its just that you look like a big cuddly man who loves a laugh and is true to his word.
and goin by the last ride report, your a true genius, legendary organiser, pretty darn good rider, mechanical guru and walking gps.
i wish i had half those qualities. all ive got is my smart arse and crazed wit.and my humblest apologies to your lovely wife Salina. ive read enough to know that she is a top lady who loves you and ya family dearly and cares greatly for any poor bloke you invite over for a ride.
have i said enough.
im not trying to suck up (well maybe kind of;) ), i guess im just jealous that im down here and all you blokes are up there having a ball every other weekend. all i can do is drink scotch, roll ciggies lick my wounds and read about all the crazy adventures of the old bulls.thats my sad desperate life. like Mr Gump said, “stupid is as stupid does”.
consider me gagged tiger.
im looking for a new target if you have any suggestions mate..
lots of love
your mexican chum,
menace XOXO :unsure: :unsure:
February 8, 2009 at 12:10 pm #121512I would say Moto but he rides Orange like us so he is La familia,
Why not rip into the squirrel he is a bastard and he rides those bloody FondasFebruary 8, 2009 at 12:12 pm #120917Mr Blue wrote:
Quote:menace wrote:Quote:A Honda rider, a KTM rider and a Yamaha rider were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze after a long dayβs ride. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them, impounding their bikes in the process. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheik decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said: “It’s my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.”
The Yamaha rider was first in line (he had drunk a six pack), so he thought about this for a while and then said: “Please tie a pillow to my back.” This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Yamaha rider had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.
The Honda rider was next up (he almost finished an entire stubby by himself!!), and after watching the scene, said: “All Right! Please fix two pillows on my back.” But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through. The Honda rider had to be carried away bleeding from the arse and crying with pain when the punishment was done.
The KTM rider was the last one up (he had drunk the rest), but before he could say anything, the Sheik turned to him and said: “You ride a KTM. You support the greatest motorcycle producer in the world. I myself ride a 530 and have many EXCβs in my fleet. For this, you may have two wishes!”
“Thanks, your most Royal highness”, the Ktm rider replies. “In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes!” (KTM rider are tuff)
“Not only are you an honorable and powerful man, you are also very brave” the Sheik says with an admiring look on his face.
“If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?” the Sheik asks.
“Tie the Honda rider to my back.” The KTM rider replied.
This is so so disturbing on so many levels,
KTM riders get drunk
Want a honda rider tied to their back, presumbably in “the” position
Then they want the honda rider to be whipped!!!Mmmmm this is a new form of deviancy even further out there than that of Motos.
So glad I am a yamaha rider in all this.
Mr Blue
we should get Menace onto blue next, Dan….dont you think
February 8, 2009 at 12:17 pm #121515im gagged (mmmmmmmff mmmff)
at least for tonight
and im out of ammo
menace:S
February 8, 2009 at 6:48 pm #121513menace wrote:
Quote:Trailboss wrote:Quote:You continue to poke me why Menace? Smart man would wait till I sent your prizes tomorrow wouldnt he? :blink: Salina spells her name with an A mate, and she doesnt whine about anything.TB
come on mate feel the love.:kiss:
its just that you look like a big cuddly man who loves a laugh and is true to his word.
and goin by the last ride report, your a true genius, legendary organiser, pretty darn good rider, mechanical guru and walking gps.
i wish i had half those qualities. all ive got is my smart arse and crazed wit.and my humblest apologies to your lovely wife Salina. ive read enough to know that she is a top lady who loves you and ya family dearly and cares greatly for any poor bloke you invite over for a ride.
have i said enough.
im not trying to suck up (well maybe kind of;) ), i guess im just jealous that im down here and all you blokes are up there having a ball every other weekend. all i can do is drink scotch, roll ciggies lick my wounds and read about all the crazy adventures of the old bulls.thats my sad desperate life. like Mr Gump said, “stupid is as stupid does”.
consider me gagged tiger.
im looking for a new target if you have any suggestions mate..
lots of love
your mexican chum,
menace XOXO :unsure: :unsure:
OMG laugh, man shouldn’t laugh so hard at 5.24am its wrong, your a funny man, your prize is packed and will be dispatched TNT today mate. I wasn’t gagging you just asking lol.
Package will be there Tuesday I reckon, just dont drink that pooftas scotch out of it :laugh:Have a good day my mexican brother lol :woohoo:
TB
February 8, 2009 at 11:25 pm #121494
Anonymousmenace wrote:
Quote:β’ A hip young man called Moto, goes out and buys the best car available: a silver Subaru WRX. He believes it is the best car in the world, It costs him $150000 bucks. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on an XR650 (with old bulls stickers?!)(looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, “What kind of car ya’ got there, sonny?”
β’ Moto replies: “A Subaru WRX, It cost me $150000.
β’ “That’s a lot of money” says the old man, shocked. “Why does it cost so much?
β’ “Because this car can do up to 200 miles an hour!” states the pink shirted Moto proudly.
β’ The XR rider asks, “Can I take a look inside?
β’ “Sure,” replies Moto. So, the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his Honda, the old man says “That’s a pretty nice car, all right!”
Just then, the light changes, so Moto decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 10 seconds the speedometer reads 200 MPH. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoossh! Something whips by him, going much faster! “What on earth could be going faster than my WRX?” Moto asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And, it almost looked like the old man on the Honda! “Couldn’t be,” thinks Moto. “How could a moped outrun an WRX?” Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh Ka-Bbbla…MMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. Moto, in his socks and thongs, jumps out, and sure enough, it is the XR!!! Of course, the Honda and the old man are hurting for certain. Moto runs up to the dying old man and says, “You’re hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?”
β’ The old man on the XR groans and replies “Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!”(cue the Rossco P Coltrane laugh) π π π
menace
My Subaru cost way more than that, what an insult! It’s got a fully sik sound sistem n everyfing :laugh:
Very funny mate, you continue to assure me that you are not far from the funny farm
February 9, 2009 at 1:13 am #121545Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section & Gerry says to Paddy, ‘Dat’s dem.’
The owner comes over & asks if he can help them.
‘Yeah, we’ll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,’ says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
Paddy & Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop & get into Gerry’s truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop & says: ‘Dis looks like a grand place.’
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder & jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as the budgies fly off & Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head & says, ‘Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook’n dangerous for me!’
thereβs more β¦..
Moment’s later; Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass.
He’s been to the pet shop too & walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand & a shotgun in the other.
‘Hi, Paddy, watch dis,’ Seamus says.
He takes a parrot from the box & lets him fly free.
He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.
Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun & shoots the parrot.
Seamus continues to plummet down & down until he hits the bottom & breaks every bone in his body.
Paddy shakes his head & says: ‘And I’m never trying dat parrotshooting either!’
& itβs not over yet β¦..
Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears.
He’s also been to the pet shop & is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.
Sean then takes the chicken by its legs & hurls himself off the cliff & disappears down & down until he hits a rock & breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head.
‘Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting … & now Sean & his fook’n hengliding!’
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