Jokes

[Mick DMember]

Having a bad Day?

[GregMember]

1/ KTM’s

2/ PDS suspension

3/ KTM owners and their believe that they and their Orange bikes are superior to everyone else

Now there’s 3 jokes!

TB

Here they come

[dennis da menaceMember]

did someone fart………. :X :X :X

[dennis da menaceMember]

oh, thats where the smell came from….

its TB dribbling shit.

now, my old mate trailbossco, i hope you wernt refering that torrent of rectal wisdom towards my good gentleman self.

(or any other of The LORD KATO’S deciples for that matter).

its not like i, a man of the orange cloth, would ever aim such a ruthless attack at the dignity of any of my newly found friends on OBT, even the poor lost soles that ride Honda’s….

i refuse to argue about religion my good friend.

may you be blessed my brother and find your way to freedom thru the LORD…….

THE LORD THAT IS KATO.

i will pray for you tonight my poor misguided dove

amen-ace

[GarryMember]

One for the golfers (or those like me who occasionally pretend to be a golfer).

Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.

Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

If you’re afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents’ luck.

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the centre of a very large tree.

You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

To calculate the speed of a player’s downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his handicap. IE. back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.

Hazards attract; fairways repel.

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint

It’s easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the yard.

A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up having to pray a lot.

Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white. They’re sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.

If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).

It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don’t get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and fart if you are performing Brain Surgery.

Garry

[Anonymous]

micknmeld wrote:

Quote:

Having a bad Day?

thats some funny shite mick

[Dwayne OMember]

So where`s the sequence photo Mick :blink:

[Mick DMember]

[TobyMember]

[ChrisMember]

Seamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn’t have
a lot of money between them, they could only raise the
staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said ‘Hang on, I have an idea.’

He went next door to the butcher’s shop and came out
with one large sausage.

Shamus said ‘Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any
money left at all!’

Murphy replied, ‘Don’t worry – just follow
me.’

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints
of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Seamus said ‘Now you’ve lost it. Do you know how
much trouble we will be in? We haven’t got any
money!!’

Murphy replied, with a smile. ‘Don’t worry, I have
a plan , Cheers! ‘

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, ‘OK, I’ll
stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your
knees and put it in your mouth.’

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more
drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Seamus said ‘Murphy – I don’t
think I can do any more of this. I’m drunk and me knees
are killing me!’

Murphy said, ‘How do you think I feel? I can’t
even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.’

[dennis da menaceMember]

some things kids come out with……

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her pupil. “Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently. “You did WHAT?!” the teacher exclaimed in surprise. “You know,”explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, “Mommy, you are getting fat!” I replied, “Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.” “I know,” she replied, but what’s growing in your butt?”

A little girl asked her mother, “Can I go outside and play with the boys?” Her mother replied, “No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.” The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?”

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your Twinkie.” She says, “Yes, I know, and I’m gonna get boobs too.”

ahhh haha..love em

menace

[dennis da menaceMember]

things my parents teached me…….

1. My parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My parents taught me RELIGION .
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My parents taught me LOGIC.
” Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My parents taught me MORE LOGIC
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My parents taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My parents taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My parents taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My parents taught me about WEATHER .
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12 My parents taught me about HYPOCRISY .
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

13. My parents taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!”

14. My parents taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My parents taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My parents taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My parents taught me about RECEIVING .
“You are going to get it when you get home!”

18. My parents taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”

19. My parents taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’re cold”

20. My parents taught me HUMOR .
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My parents taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My parents taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”

23. My parents taught me about my ROOTS .
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a tent”

24. My parents taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

25. My parents taught me about JUSTICE .
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.”

i hope this explains why i am what i am:S :S

menace

[dennis da menaceMember]

It was the last day of school, and all the students were bringing presents for their teacher. A florist’s daughter came up and gave her teacher a box. The teacher said, I’ll bet these are flowers!’ The girl replied, ‘How did you know?’ ‘Just a lucky guess,’ she said. Next, a boy whose family owned a candy store came up and gave the teacher a box. She said that she knew it was candy. When the boy asked how she knew, she again said, ‘Just a lucky guess.” Finally, a boy whose father owned a liquor store came up and gave the teacher a box, but one of the box’s corners was damp from a leak. The teacher asked the boy if it was wine. The boy said, ‘No.’ She touched the leak and put it to her tongue and asked if it was champagne. The boy again said no. Finally, she gave up and asked him what was in the box. He said happily, ‘A puppy!’

[dennis da menaceMember]

A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her Grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl became frantic. Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, ‘What are you lining up for dear?’ Not willing to let grandma in on her secret, the young girl said that some people were giving out free oranges and that she was lining up for some. ‘Mmmm, sounds lovely,’ said Grandma, ‘I think I’ll have some myself,’ she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma at the end of the line, he was bewildered. ‘But, you’re so old, how do you do it?’ Grandma replied,’ Oh, it’s quite easy sonny, I just remove my dentures and suck ’em dry.’

[dennis da menaceMember]

Two men are talking in the bar sharing their sob stories. One man says, “I had the worst Freudian Slip the other day.” The other man responds, “What is a Freudian Slip?” “You know, it’s when you mean to say one thing, but you say something else that reveals what you are really thinking about. Like the other day I was at the airport and this really beautiful lady was helping me. Instead of asking her for ‘two tickets to Pittsburgh’, I asked her for ‘to Pickets to Tittsburgh.” The second replies, “Oh, now I know what you are talking about. It’s like the other day when I was having breakfast with my wife. I wanted her to pass me the Orange Juice, and instead I said, “YOU RUINED MY LIFE BITCH!”

[Author]

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