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May 28, 2009 at 2:50 am #106466
Dementia Quiz
Below are four (4) questions and a Bonus question to test your perception, reasoning and the quickness of your logical processing.
They are stated simply so you should try to answer them instantly.
To assure the accuracy of the results, you should not take your time , but instead, answer each of them immediately.OK?
Let’s find out just how clever you really are…..
Ready? GO!!! (scroll down slowly to uncover Q’s and A’s )
First Question :
You are a participant in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<
Answer : If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely WRONG! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, YOU are in second place!
Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don’t take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?
Second Question :
I f you overtake the last person, then you are…?
(scroll down)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Answer : If you answered that you are second to last, then you are ; ; ; ;WRONG again. Tell me Sunshine, how can you overtake the LAST person??
You’re not very good at this, are you?
Third Question
:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator.Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 Now add 30 . Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000 . Now add 10 . What is the total?
Scroll down for the correct answer…..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you get 5000 ?
The correct answer is actually 4100 ..
If you don’t believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it ?Maybe you’ll get the last question right… Maybe…
Fourth Question:
Mary’s father has fi ve daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono, and ??? What is the name of the fifth daughter?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn’t.
Her name is Mary you retard! Read the question again!Okay, now the Bonus round,
i.e., a final chance to
redeem yourself:A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done..
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It’s really very simple
He opens his mouth and ask for it…
Does your employer actually pay you to think??
If so Do NOT let them see your answers for this test!PASS TH IS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE
SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!
Have a nice day, one and all.May 28, 2009 at 4:25 am #106467My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started…******************************************
My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And then the fight started….******************************************
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the20garage. I hooked up my fishing boat up to my 4×4 and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”
My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”
And that’s how the fight started…******************************************
I bumped into a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, “I AM NOT HAPPY !!!”
So, I looked down at him and said, “Well then, which one are you?”
And then the fight started…..*****************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a set of scales.
And then the fight started…******************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive…
so, I took her to a petrol station.
And then the fight started…******************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your trousers. You might have gotten disability, too.’
And then the fight started…******************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started…******************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about mad cow?””
Nah, she can order for herself.”
And then the fight started…******************************************
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s perfect.’
And then the fight started…..May 28, 2009 at 5:12 am #136933Ok, this link is to another forum, but not a dirt bike forum… Very funny stuff!
Bike won’t start after adding NOS fuel additive
http://www.gixxer.com/forums/showthread.php?s=a98624a840fa652184f947887354f233&t=226570Kind like the ol’ V8 Vege juice power boost! :laugh:
May 28, 2009 at 5:24 am #1369432 mates belting through the bush riding their dirt bikes, 1 bloke was on a DRZ and his mate was riding a KTM when they came to the end of one of the sweetest loamiest single trails god put on the earth there was a funeral procession travelling slowly along the road.
The bloke riding the DRZ skidded to a stop, hopped off his bike, removed his helmet and bowed his head as the funeral procession past by him. When his mate riding the KTM finally got to the end of the trail he said to the DRZ rider, mate I just saw what you did from way back up the trail and that was one of the most decent things I have seen anyone do,Yeh replied the DRZ rider it’s the least I could do seeing that I was married to her for 10 years now lets ride..:woohoo:
May 28, 2009 at 7:23 am #136944ECKS-Man wrote:
Quote:Ok, this link is to another forum, but not a dirt bike forum… Very funny stuff!Bike won’t start after adding NOS fuel additive
http://www.gixxer.com/forums/showthread.php?s=a98624a840fa652184f947887354f233&t=226570Kind like the ol’ V8 Vege juice power boost! :laugh:
and to think i just bought a six pack!
:woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :ohmy: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:
102 pages! i only made it to 2
that makes Moto’s bogan flanny race air cleaner look like a minor misdemeanour. :silly: :silly:
May 28, 2009 at 8:02 am #136948Boony wrote:
Quote:2 mates belting through the bush riding their dirt bikes, 1 bloke was on a DRZ and his mate was riding a KTM when they came to the end of one of the sweetest loamiest single trails god put on the earth there was a funeral procession travelling slowly along the road.
The bloke riding the DRZ skidded to a stop, hopped off his bike, removed his helmet and bowed his head as the funeral procession past by him. When his mate riding the KTM finally got to the end of the trail he said to the DRZ rider, mate I just saw what you did from way back up the trail and that was one of the most decent things I have seen anyone do,Yeh replied the DRZ rider it’s the least I could do seeing that I was married to her for 10 years now lets ride..:woohoo:
and this is exactly the reason darwins theory will prevail and DRZ riders will become extinct.
And conversely explains why KTMs are everywhere just like rabbit warrens.BC
May 30, 2009 at 12:50 pm #132694A man was sitting reading his papers when
his wife hit him round the
Head with a frying pan.
‘What was that for?’ the man asked.The wife replied ‘That was for the piece of
paper with the name Jenny on
it that I found in your pants pocket’.The man then said ‘When I was at the races
last week Jenny was the name
of the horse I bet on’The wife apologized and went on with the
housework.Three days later the man is watching TV
when his wife bashes him on the
head with an even bigger frying pan,
knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man
asked why she had hit again.Wife replied. ‘Your horse phoned’
June 1, 2009 at 4:22 am #137400Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night ,
A drunk Maori led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall.
‘What’s that big brass gong for?’ one of the friend’s asked.
‘Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking Australian clock’ he drunkenly replied.
‘A talking Australian clock – seriously?’
‘Yup.’ ‘Hmmm (hic).’
‘How’s it work?’ the second friend asked, squinting at it.
‘Just watch’ he said.
He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an ‘ear-shattering bash’ and stepped back.
His three mates stood looking at one another for a moment in astounded silence.
Suddenly, an Australian voice from the other side of the wall screamed,
‘For f*#k’s sake, you stupid pri*#. It’s ten past three in the f*#king morning !!!’
June 1, 2009 at 4:26 am #106468that’s a repeat boony. about a page ago. but still funny.
June 1, 2009 at 4:31 am #137570xy-transit wrote:
Quote:that’s a repeat boony. about a page ago. but still funny.this thread has that many pages who knows whats been posted???????????????????????????????????????
June 1, 2009 at 4:37 am #106469Tax System… Explained In Beer!
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100.
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this…
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.So, that’s what they decided to do.
The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve.
“Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20.” Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes.
So the first four men were unaffected.
They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men? The paying customers?
How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?’
They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.
So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.
And so the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings)
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28% savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 ( 22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.
“I only got a dollar out of the $20,”declared the sixth man.
He pointed to the tenth man,” but he got $10!”
“Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a Dollar, too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more than I!”
“That’s true!!” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!”
“Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison. “We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!”
The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, this is how our tax system works.
The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction.
Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore.
In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics
University of GeorgiaFor those who understand, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible
June 1, 2009 at 4:39 am #106470yeah i know boony.
a bit like the funny emails. some send them on. and get the same one a few months later and forget they have seen, + the amount of emails some get, get again it and send it on again.
i have a photographic memory!
it’s just not same day service
or i have total recall,
it’s just not instant :cheer:
June 1, 2009 at 4:39 am #137571In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,
after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and
walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing
The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.
The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.
Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.
He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs
and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn’t the same fucking elephant.
June 1, 2009 at 4:42 am #137572CONGRATULATIONS
TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE
1930’s 1940’s, 50’s, 60’s and early 70’s !
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.
Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds , KFC, Subway or Nandos.
Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn’t open on the weekends, somehow we didn’t starve to death!
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers, Bubble Gum and some bungers to blow up frogs with.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren’t overweight because……
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY ,
no video/dvd films,
no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms……….WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
Lawsuits from these accidents.Only girls had pierced ears!
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time…
We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays,
We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!
Mum didn’t have to go to work to help dad make ends meet!
RUGBY and CRICKET had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on
MERIT
Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes and bully’salways ruled the playground at school.
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!
Our parents didn’t invent stupid names for their kids like ‘Kiora’ and ‘Blade’ and ‘Ridge’ and ‘Vanilla’
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL !
And YOU are one of them!
CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.
And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
PS -The big type is because your eyes are not too good at your age anymore
June 1, 2009 at 5:00 am #137576Ok quizz time
whats the worst thing about a 69er
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