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June 1, 2009 at 6:57 am #137579
The big bad wolf said, ” I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down”
The little piggy said, “F*ck off, or I’ll sneeze on you”.
June 1, 2009 at 8:17 am #137588finally a cure for swine flu, no injections just an oinkment.
June 1, 2009 at 8:19 am #137605I did try to confirm this previous post on the swine flu hot line, but all I got was crackling on the other end of the phone.
June 1, 2009 at 10:36 pm #137606Uncle Fester wrote:
Quote:I did try to confirm this previous post on the swine flu hot line, but all I got was crackling on the other end of the phone.That’s a bit of a curly one……
maybe when pigs fly, will we know whats going on with the swine flu……
BC
June 1, 2009 at 10:47 pm #137665The swine flu anthem has been anounced..
I got you babe.
June 3, 2009 at 12:37 am #137668The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this year’s winners. Read them carefully. Each is an
artificial word with only one letter altered to form a real
word. Some are terrifically innovative:1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
you
realize it was your money to start with.2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person
who doesn’t get it.7. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
10. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s,
like, a serious bummer.11. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.12. Glibido: All talk and no action.
13. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.14. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you’re eating.And the #1 pick:
17. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an arse.
June 3, 2009 at 12:52 am #137887I just thought of a new word myself.
Evaculation (V) the act of pissing off, directly after sex.
June 3, 2009 at 2:11 am #106471Testiculating: verb (?) waving your hands around without meaning and talking bollocks
June 3, 2009 at 5:32 am #106472Nice one one xy :laugh: and thats (V) for verb
June 3, 2009 at 5:51 am #106473Dicktation: taking notes for your boss who’s a dickhead.
June 4, 2009 at 2:03 am #137948True or false ?
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford’s office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, ‘The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,’ on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg’s name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours, and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the controls.
So, now you know
June 4, 2009 at 2:24 am #138149Ollie wrote:
Quote:True or false ?The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford’s office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, ‘The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,’ on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg’s name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours, and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the controls.
So, now you know
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I Like that…..
June 4, 2009 at 6:46 am #138151One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road side eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?””We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.”
“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said.
“But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.”
“Bring them along,” the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated,”You come with us, also.”
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!”
“Bring them all, as well,” the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned
to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind”“Thank you for taking all of us with you.
The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high”.
June 4, 2009 at 7:19 am #138170BOOM BOOM:laugh: :laugh:
GOOD ONYA TOBEY (where ya been mate)
ollie
June 5, 2009 at 1:46 am #138171I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so.
I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy.
There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the
counter, and she could see that I was new at it.She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and
slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make
sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still
looked confused. So she looked all around the store
to see if it was empty. It was empty.‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room,
unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked
her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She
asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do
was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt,
removed her panties and lay down on a desk. ‘Well,
come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that
unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and
KAPOW, I was done within a few minutes.She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you
put that condom on?’ she asked.
I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.She fainted.:blink:
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