Home › Forums › Bull Pit for Members Only › Bull Pit for Members Only › Jokes
This topic contains 487 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by Adrian Snowden 9 years ago.
-
AuthorPosts
-
November 11, 2009 at 1:51 am #160449
Hatto wrote:
Quote:An Asian woman goes in to her local ANZ Branch and begins exchanging her money.After the transaction is complete she asks the teller ‘Why it change, yesterday I get two hunat dollar for my money, today I only get hunat eighty?’
The teller looked over his glasses and says very slowly….’fluctuations’.
The Asian woman narrows her eyes and says, ‘fluck you Aussies
Hatto
That made me snort :laugh:
TB
November 12, 2009 at 2:17 am #160450A crusty Old Bull out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a
tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside.As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole’ biker
walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female
bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.
“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, “may I help you?”
The ole biker leans over the bar, “I was wondering young lady,” he
whispers, “are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs “Why yes, yes, I
sure am”.The ole’ biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, “Well,
wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger”.November 16, 2009 at 9:53 pm #160577Not exactly a joke in the true sense of the word.
But an absolute JOKE non the less. :angry:
If you cross the *North Korean* border illegally, you get 12 years hard
Labour.If you cross the *Iranian* border illegally, you are detained
Indefinitely.If you cross the *Afghan* border illegally, you get shot.
If you cross the *Saudi Arabian* border illegally, you will be jailed.
If you cross the* Chinese* border illegally, you may never be heard from
Again.If you cross the *Venezuelan *border illegally, you will be branded a
Spy and your fate will be sealed.If you cross the *Cuban* border illegally, you will be thrown into
Political prison to rot.*However, if you cross the AUSTRALIAN border illegally, you get a job, a
Driver’s’ licence, a social security card, welfare benefits, food stamps,
Credit cards, subsidized rent or a loan to buy a new house, free
Education, free health care, a lobbyist in Canberra and, in many
Instances, you can VOTE.*:angry:
November 17, 2009 at 12:04 am #106541here’s another Mick.
Subject: Allowances – VIP
This was set up by the last John Howard Government.
And we all here about Illegal Immigrants/ Refugees,so is this why they see us as soft target.Are you aware of the following?
The Australian Federal Government provides the following financial assistance:-
BENEFIT
AUSTRALIAN AGED PENSIONER
Weekly allowance $253.00
Weekly Spouse allowance $56.00
Additional weekly hardship allowance $0.00
TOTAL YEARLY BENEFIT $16,068.00ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS/REFUGEES LIVING IN AUSTRALIA
Weekly allowance $472.50
Weekly Spouse allowance $472.50
Additional weekly hardship allowance $145.00
TOTAL YEARLY BENEFIT $56,680.00
If I was a refugee, why would I look for work?
Please forward to all your contacts so that we can lobby for an increase in the aged pension.
After all, the average pensioner has paid taxes and contributed to the growth of this country for the last 40 to 60 years.
November 18, 2009 at 8:40 pm #161280Fact of Life:
After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F.
Ollie
November 19, 2009 at 7:55 am #161721I just bought a race horse.
I called it,
MY FACE
I dont care if it doesnt win a race or even if it doesnt earn me any money,
i just want to hear all the cute dolled up babes at flemington pissed as nits yelling out,Come on my face :woohoo:
November 19, 2009 at 8:47 am #106542THE
SQUIRREL
IS
DEAD
November 19, 2009 at 10:58 pm #161834SALAD DODGER
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.*SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive person.* TESTICULATING
Waving your arms around and talking* BLAMESTORMING
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a Project failed, and who was responsible.* SEAGULL MANAGER
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits on you and everything else, and Then leaves.* ASSMOSIS
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.* SALMON DAY
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.* CUBE FARM
An office filled with cubicles.* PRAIRIE DOGGING
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)* SITCOMs
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a “home business”.* SINBAD
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.* AEROPLANE BLONDE
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a ‘black box’.* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE
The fine art of whacking the shit out of an electronic device to get it to work again.* ADMINISPHERE
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the “adminisphere” are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded “administrivia” – needless paperwork and processes.•
* GOING FOR A McSH!T
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you’re just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you’ll buy their food afterwards is known as a McSh!t with Lies.* 404
Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found” meaning that the requested document could not be located.* AUSSIE KISS
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.* OH – NO SECOND
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just Made a BIG mistake (e.g. you’ve hit ‘reply all’).* GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.* JOHNNY-NO-STARS
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The ‘no-stars’ comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.* MILLENNIUM DOMES
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from The outside, but there’s actually naught in there worth seeing.* MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: “Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!”.* MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you’re in the Toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.* MYSTERY TAXI
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.* BEER COAT
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise At 3:00am.* BEER COMPASS
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you’re too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you’ve come from.* BREAKING THE SEAL
Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.* TART FUEL
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.* PICASSO BUM
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she’s Got 4 buttocks.November 20, 2009 at 1:18 am #106543i’m usually the last one to correct a fellow bull. but you left one word out Mick
* TESTICULATING
Waving your arms around and talking >>>Bolloks
.:laugh: :woohoo: 😆 :cheer:
.November 20, 2009 at 3:12 am #162027xy-transit wrote:
Quote:i’m usually the last one to correct a fellow bull. but you left one word out Mick* TESTICULATING
Waving your arms around and talking >>>Bolloks
.:laugh: :woohoo: 😆 :cheer:
.:angry: oi !!!!!! :angry:
November 20, 2009 at 3:16 am #162039xBOLLOCKS wrote:
Quote:xy-transit wrote:Quote:i’m usually the last one to correct a fellow bull. but you left one word out Mick* TESTICULATING
Waving your arms around and talking >>>Bolloks
.:laugh: :woohoo: 😆 :cheer:
.:angry: oi !!!!!! :angry:
.
yeah bol. what?
:woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :blink: :silly: :silly:
.November 20, 2009 at 10:05 am #162043i was at the ATM the other day and this old dude walks up to me gives me his efpos card and says ,,,mate can you please check my balance ,,,,so I pushed him over..
:laugh:November 23, 2009 at 6:44 am #106544what did the blonde say when she opened the box of cheerios?
Ohhhh look doughnut seeds
November 23, 2009 at 6:48 am #162425thats worse than mine xy
:laugh:
November 23, 2009 at 7:39 am #162427Boony wrote:
Quote:thats worse than mine xy:laugh:
yeah. but did it make you laugh?
if so, mission accomplished
. :laugh: :laugh:
-
AuthorPosts
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.