Are you a poof? Do the quick questionnaire and find out.
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys, and have instead, spent the rest of your free time, doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay — it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog…. ‘Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!’ Now think about how you call a cat…. ‘Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!’ Jeeezus, you’re so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are an arse thrashing Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, pickled pigs feet, or tits.. Anything else and you are undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homo-sexual relationship. A man’s world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you are a mincer. A straight man will never be heard ordering a ‘Decaf Soy Latte’. If you’ve put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you’ve had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of non standard colours or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free arse passes. REAL men don’t have enough memory to remember all of that crap. A real man only has enough memory to remember types of beer, engine capacities, their favourite sports teams players, and the names of porn stars. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a ‘fressier’ is you’re gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are fond of a bit of bum fun.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you’re dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
8. If you have a girls name, or a name that could be mistaken for a girls name, like Kelly, Pat, Chris, Kym, or Terry, then you probably like to play the pink piccolo.
9. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings, then you definitely drop anchor in poo bay or visit Browntown.
10. Poofs dont ride dirtbikes! they ride Vespa’s
