Jokes

[simon burkeMember]

you two need a labottomy. :blink: …..the 2 dead match sticks are explaining to the fresh match stick what their little flame off caused (first one a bush fire…second one a house fire….and the un burnt matchstick thinks its pretty cool and i have no doubt he has high expectations of one day causing mass destruction when it one day becomes his turn to flame it up

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: i love my messed up sense of humour :cheer:

Bol :woohoo:

[TrentMember]

Bol the flamer :p

I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy

[Bruce CurtisMember]

BOLLOCKS wrote:

Quote:

you two need a labottomy. :blink: …..the 2 dead match sticks are explaining to the fresh match stick what their little flame off caused (first one a bush fire…second one a house fire….and the un burnt matchstick thinks its pretty cool and i have no doubt he has high expectations of one day causing mass destruction when it one day becomes his turn to flame it up

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: i love my messed up sense of humour :cheer:

Bol :woohoo:

I got it Bols’ but it was just plain lame…..

[simon burkeMember]

aww blue….surely you had a tiny little smirk when you read it?.Maybe not a hearty lol,but a warm fuzzy feeling like when you see a cute puppy or something similar? .Lame i could understand ,if it was a picture of Tony oiling up in his sluggos :laugh: .But cute little match sticks telling storys?That is Pulitzer prize winng stuff :cheer:

[Eric SmithMember]

BOLLOCKS wrote:

Quote:

aww blue….surely you had a tiny little smirk when you read it?.Maybe not a hearty lol,but a warm fuzzy feeling like when you see a cute puppy or something similar? .Lame i could understand ,if it was a picture of Tony oiling up in his sluggos :laugh: .But cute little match sticks telling storys?That is Pulitzer prize winng stuff :cheer:

Sorry Bols, its just not good mate! Must be all the anti-matchstick press getting around at the moment!

[simon burkeMember]

sigh :blush:
oh well,thank god i don’t do it for a living then

[Bruce CurtisMember]

BOLLOCKS wrote:

Quote:

sigh :blush:
oh well,thank god i don’t do it for a living then

Ok Bols You can redeem yourself by telling the one about about “rideon dishwashers” though…

BC

[Eric SmithMember]

How do you get a condom on a whale???

Take the ‘C’ out of ‘Cat’ and the ‘F’ out of ‘Way’

(There’s no F’in way!!)
:laugh:

[Eric SmithMember]

An old Scottish bloke is drinking at a bar, and a younger guy sits down next to him and orders a beer. the old guy sees that he has a captive audience, so he says, “Aye, laddy. Ya see this bar back here? I built it meself! I planed it by hand, I didn’t USE one of them fancy electric sanders, NUUU! It took me a whole week and I nearly brrrroke me back! But, do they call me McGregor the Bar-Builder? NUUUU!” He takes another drink. Then he says, “Ya see that stone wall yonder? I BUILT IT MESELF! I hauled all the rooks from the river with a barrow! It took me two weeks and I nearly brrroke me back! But, do they call me McGregor the Wall-Maker? NUUUU!” He takes another drink and then says, “Ya see that wooden pier out yonder? I built it meself! The whole thing, board by board! But, do they call me McGregor the Pier-Builder? NUUU!” He takes another drink, then looks around cautiously, then whispers, “But,” he says, “Ya fook ONE goat!”

[dennis da menaceMember]

An elderly man, named Larry, in Virginia had owned a small farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back bordered by a sheltering wood.

It was properly shaped and deep enough for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, fire pit, and some apple, and peach trees.

One evening Larry decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, ‘we’re not coming out until you leave!’

Larry frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.’

Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator.’

Some old men can still think fast.

[Mick DMember]

I really was pissed off, when I lost out on winning the pub quiz by one point. The question was, “Where do women mostly have curly hair?”

Apparently it’s Africa.

[DeanMember]

A man goes down on a woman and says ‘Fuck, that stinks!’
The woman says ‘It’s my arthritis’.
He says ‘What, in your Twat?’
She says ‘No, in my shoulder, I can’t wipe my arse’.

OMG :laugh:

Ollie

[simon burkeMember]

Ollie wrote:

Quote:

A man goes down on a woman and says ‘Fuck, that stinks!’
The woman says ‘It’s my arthritis’.
He says ‘What, in your Twat?’
She says ‘No, in my shoulder, I can’t wipe my arse’.

OMG :laugh:

Ollie

cracker Ollie :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[DeanMember]

Boll I knew that would appeal to your sense of Humor :laugh: I actually spat Coffee on my screen when I first read it :laugh:

Ollie

more to come but slightly rude :unsure:

[DeanMember]

Teacher to class ‘What does your dad do at weekends?’
Little Johnny ‘He’s a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes if the money’s
right, he lets punters bang his arse and let them come in his mouth’.
Teacher pulls him to one side and says ‘Johnny, is that true?’
‘No Miss, he goes to watch Manly Sea Eagles, but I’m too embarrassed to say that’.

Ollie

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