Jokes

[DeanMember]

And another :laugh:

A recent survey asked 100 sexually active men what they most enjoyed
about a blow job.
99.9% said ‘the 10 minutes of silence.”

Ollie

[simon burkeMember]

Ollie wrote:

Quote:

Teacher to class ‘What does your dad do at weekends?’
Little Johnny ‘He’s a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes if the money’s
right, he lets punters bang his arse and let them come in his mouth’.
Teacher pulls him to one side and says ‘Johnny, is that true?’
‘No Miss, he goes to watch Manly Sea Eagles, but I’m too embarrassed to say that’.

Ollie

:angry:

Go Manly !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:woohoo:

[DeanMember]

Kylie, Elton John and Robbie Williams are walking along the street.
Kylie trips, jamming her head in some railings.
Robbie pulls her knickers down and f#@%s her senseless.
He turns to Elton, says ‘your turn’ but Elton starts crying.
‘What’s wrong’, asks Robbie?
Elton sobs and says ‘my head won’t fit in the railings’

Ollie

[glennMember]

Ollie wrote:

Quote:

And another :laugh:

A recent survey asked 100 sexually active men what they most enjoyed
about a blow job.
99.9% said ‘the 10 minutes of silence.”

Ollie

whats the worst thing about a 69er

the view

[Dwayne OMember]

OK then ,some 69er jokes,,, let em rip :laugh:

A girl brings a guy home one night. They get into her apartment and immediately she suggests that they do “69”. “What the hell is that?” asks the guy. Realizing he’s inexperienced, she tries to explain,”I put my head between your legs and you put your head between mine.”

Still not knowing what she’s talking about, but not wanting to ruin the moment he agrees to try it. The second they get in to the position, she lets go a rip-roaring fart. “What was that for?” he asks. “Oops! Sorry, lets try it again.” she says. So, they get into position again, and once more she lets one loose.

The guy gets up and starts to put his coat on. “Wait, where are you going?” she asks. The guy says, ” If you think I’m sticking around for 67 more of those, you’re crazy!

:woohoo:

[Dwayne OMember]

How do Chinese say, “69er?”
Tu-can-chu.

[Dwayne OMember]

Q: Why is 88 better than 69?
A: Because you get ate twice.

[Dwayne OMember]

69er

A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.

“Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue “Y” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.

“Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “M” on her chest. “Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor.

“No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?”

[Dwayne OMember]

Two college roommates are about to go to bed. The guy in the top bunk has his girlfriend sleeping over and to try to keep quiet, they devise a code. His girlfriend will say tomato if she wants him to go slower and lettuce for him to go faster. As they begin to have sex, the girl starts to moan, “lettuce,lettuce, tomato, tomato!” The roommate on the bottom bunk wakes up the next morning and says, “Stop making sandwiches at night, you got mayonnaise in my eye!”
:blink:

[dennis da menaceMember]

An old chinese couple finally decided to tie the knot. They had a lovely wedding and that night went to a ritzy hotel.
The hew husband was really keen to get it on and threw his wife on the bed and ripped her clothes off the moment they walked in the room. With a cheeky grin he said to his bride, “hey, you wanna 69?”

she looks at him and says, “you get me naked and now you want beef and black bean???”

:laugh: :laugh:

[Dwayne OMember]

menace wrote:

Quote:

An old chinese couple finally decided to tie the knot. They had a lovely wedding and that night went to a ritzy hotel.
The hew husband was really keen to get it on and threw his wife on the bed and ripped her clothes off the moment they walked in the room. With a cheeky grin he said to his bride, “hey, you wanna 69?”

she looks at him and says, “you get me naked and now you want beef and black bean???”

:laugh: :laugh:

:laugh: I once asked a pretty little waitress for a number69 at a vietnamese reataurant in Crows Nest, She replied,,, “You cheeky little Bugger, Our menu stops at 65 :laugh:

[DeanMember]

I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night.
He hypnotised seven men then dropped the microphone on his foot and yelled

“Fuck me!!”

….what happened next will haunt me forever!!

:blink: :blink: :S

Ollie

[simon burkeMember]

Two Australian businessmen in Brisbane were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be, new, store.

As yet, the store wasn’t ready with no stock and only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, “I bet some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we’re selling.”

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when a curious Chinese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and asked “What you sell?”

The Ozzie sarcastically replied, “We’re selling ass-holes.”

Without skipping a beat, the Chinaman said, “You doing velly well – only got two left!”

[DeanMember]

My Day so far,

Went to get on the bus this morning and the Paki Driver said: ‘ I am jam packed full’
I said ‘I don’t give a fuck what your name is, I just want to get on the bus’.

I’ve just put a deposit down on a new Porche and mentioned it on FaceBook. I cant understand why the Americans are so upset. All I said was I couldn’t wait for the new 911. However 40,000 Paki’s have added me as a friend.

Don’t you just hate people who knock on your door collecting for Charity? I had one collecting for the local Sperm Bank, I gave her a right mouthful.

In respect for the Haiti Earthquake, all Sydney Curry Houses will supply new dishes for the disaster. The new dishes will be called: Chicken-Bury-Auntie + Nan-Dead and Poppa-gone.

Last but not least I rang the Samaritans last night and they put me through to a Call Centre in Pakistan. I said I was feeling Suicidal and they got excited and asked me if I could fly a plane.

Aarrgghh!!!

Ollie
:laugh:

[TrentMember]

This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks
badly.
So, he goes down the road to the next farm and asks if they have a
rooster that they would sell.

The other farmer says, ‘Yes, I’ve got this great rooster, named Kenny.
He’ll service every chicken you’ve got, no problem.’
Trouble is, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the
Farmer decides he’d be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barnyard, but
first he gave the rooster a pep talk. ‘I want you to pace yourself now.
You’ve got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of
money.
Consequently, I’ll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and
have some fun,’ the farmer said, with a chuckle.

Kenny seems to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house
and Kenny takes off like a shot. WHAM! Kenny nails every hen in the hen
house – three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked.

After that, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen and, sure
enough, Kenny is in there.

Later, the farmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese down by the lake.
Once again – WHAM! – All the geese get it.

By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants.
The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won’t
even last the night. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the
next morning to find Kenny on his back out in the middle of the yard, mouth
open, tongue hanging out and both feet sticking straight up in the air with
Buzzards circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colourful and expensive
animal, shakes his head and says, ‘Oh, Kenny, I told you to pace yourself.
I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you’ve done to yourself.’

Kenny slowly opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky
above and says,
‘Shut it, you’re scarin the pussy away.

[Author]

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