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June 14, 2010 at 11:04 am #106611
A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man..
The first woman said ‘Have you ever had a hug?’
The man said ‘No’, so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said ‘Have you ever had a kiss?’
The man said ‘No,’ so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third really beautiful woman came up to him and said,
‘Have you ever been fucked?’ The fellow said ‘No.’
She said, ‘You will be when the tide comes in.’
:woohoo:
June 15, 2010 at 2:21 am #106612:woohoo:
June 15, 2010 at 3:33 am #106613Astride his shiny new 125, Boony was thoroughly excited about going riding in the Nundle Hills for the first time. After going only a few miles, Boony was surprised to see what appeared to be a half-acre of brown fur just off the trail ahead. Recognizing it as a huge Nundle Bunyip, Boony nailed the throttle hard, hoping to get by before the Bunyip could react. The Bunyip was too quick, though, and with one leap was totally blocking the trail. Boony had no choice but to stop.
“Now that you’ve disturbed my sleep”, said the Yip, “you have two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex.” Frightened beyond belief, Boony decided to bend over.
Still sore a week later, Boony vowed revenge. Back to the cycle shop he went, where he traded in the 125 for a hot 250. Soon he was back on the mountain, heading down the trail. It wasn’t long at all before he spotted the Bunyip again, napping beside the trail. Feeling certain he had the necessary power this time, Boony nailed the throttle and shot ahead. But once again the YIP was too quick, and again he blocked the trail. “That was a big mistake, Mr Boon”, said the bear. “But, you know the drill. Either I maul you to death or we have sex… rough sex.” Fearful for his life, Boony again decided that it would be wise to comply.
This time it took weeks before he recovered enough to get around. But still outraged at the bear, he traded in the 250 and got the hottest 450 Banana money could buy before heading back to the mountain. Now he could outrun the bear, and now he’d prove who was the master! And with the faster 450 under him, it took no time at all before he looked ahead and saw the huge Nundle Bunyip again. Boonster lowered his head, down shifted, and confidently nailed the throttle hard, rocketing ahead so quickly he was barely able to hang on. Incredibly, however, the horny Bunyip was quicker still, and Boony had no choice but to come to a sliding halt in front of the Bunyip now blocking the trail with a roaring horn. A chill ran up his spine as he waited for the beast to speak.
“C’mon, Boonit”, said the Bunyip. “Admit it. You don’t come here to trail ride any more, do you?”
:woohoo:June 15, 2010 at 3:36 am #181848Sorry,,,I coudn`t find any goat jokes Ha Ha
June 15, 2010 at 9:00 am #181850dont matter its still funny
June 15, 2010 at 9:12 am #181849EAGLE`02 wrote:
Quote:Astride his shiny new 125, Boony was thoroughly excited about going riding in the Nundle Hills for the first time. After going only a few miles, Boony was surprised to see what appeared to be a half-acre of brown fur just off the trail ahead. Recognizing it as a huge Nundle Bunyip, Boony nailed the throttle hard, hoping to get by before the Bunyip could react. The Bunyip was too quick, though, and with one leap was totally blocking the trail. Boony had no choice but to stop.“Now that you’ve disturbed my sleep”, said the Yip, “you have two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex.” Frightened beyond belief, Boony decided to bend over.
Still sore a week later, Boony vowed revenge. Back to the cycle shop he went, where he traded in the 125 for a hot 250. Soon he was back on the mountain, heading down the trail. It wasn’t long at all before he spotted the Bunyip again, napping beside the trail. Feeling certain he had the necessary power this time, Boony nailed the throttle and shot ahead. But once again the YIP was too quick, and again he blocked the trail. “That was a big mistake, Mr Boon”, said the bear. “But, you know the drill. Either I maul you to death or we have sex… rough sex.” Fearful for his life, Boony again decided that it would be wise to comply.
This time it took weeks before he recovered enough to get around. But still outraged at the bear, he traded in the 250 and got the hottest 450 Banana money could buy before heading back to the mountain. Now he could outrun the bear, and now he’d prove who was the master! And with the faster 450 under him, it took no time at all before he looked ahead and saw the huge Nundle Bunyip again. Boonster lowered his head, down shifted, and confidently nailed the throttle hard, rocketing ahead so quickly he was barely able to hang on. Incredibly, however, the horny Bunyip was quicker still, and Boony had no choice but to come to a sliding halt in front of the Bunyip now blocking the trail with a roaring horn. A chill ran up his spine as he waited for the beast to speak.
“C’mon, Boonit”, said the Bunyip. “Admit it. You don’t come here to trail ride any more, do you?”
:woohoo:Ohhhhh beagle you sooooo need to get back to work or find a hobbie champ,,you have waaaaayyyy tooo much time on your hands, It was a sashquash if you should know not a bunyip, there slow fukers them things,and could never catch ya.
June 17, 2010 at 5:09 am #106614Paddy tells Mick he’s thinking of buying a Labrador.
“Fook off” says Mick, “Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?”June 17, 2010 at 5:11 am #106615:blink:
June 17, 2010 at 6:51 am #182062I raced a Harley today and after some really hard riding I managed
to PASS the guy. I was riding on one of those really, really
twisting sections of mountain road with no straight sections to
speak of and where most of the bends have warning signs that
say “MAX SPEED 50 KPH”.I knew if I was going to pass one of those monsters with those
big-cubic-inch motors, it would have to be a place like this where
handling and rider skill are more important than horsepower alone.I saw the guy up ahead as I exited one of the turns and knew I could
catch him, but it wouldn’t be easy. I concentrated on my braking and
cornering. Three corners later, I was on his mudguard. Catching him
was one thing; passing him would prove to be another.Two corners later, I pulled up next to him as we sailed down the
mountain. I think he was shocked to see me next to him, as I nearly
got by him before he could recover. Next corner, same thing. I’d
manage to pull up next to him as we started to enter the corners but
when we came out he’d get on the throttle and out-power me. His
horsepower was almost too much to overcome, but this only made me
more determined than ever.My only hope was to out-brake him. I held off squeezing the lever
until the last instant. I kept my nerve while he lost his. In an
instant I was by him. Corner after corner, I could hear the roar of
his engine as he struggled to keep up. Three more miles to go before
the road straightens out and he would pass me for good.But now I was in the lead and he would no longer hold me back. I
stretched out my lead and by the time we reached the bottom of the
canyon, he was more than a full corner behind. I could no longer see
him in my rear-view mirror.Once the road did straighten out, it seemed like it took miles
before he passed me, but it was probably just a few hundred yards. I
was no match for that kind of horsepower, but it was done. In the
tightest section of road, where bravery and skill count for more
than horsepower and deep pockets, I had passed him. Though it was
not easy, I had won the race to the bottom of the mountain and I had
preserved the proud tradition of one of the best bits of Brit iron.I will always remember that moment. I don’t think I’ve ever pedaled
so hard in my life. And, some of the credit must go to Raleigh
cycles, as well. They really make a great bicycle…June 17, 2010 at 6:52 am #182064What do you call a 13 year old girl from Newcastle who can run faster than her six brothers?
A: A virgin.
June 17, 2010 at 6:54 am #182065Albert Einstein arrives at a dinner party. He introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, “What’s your IQ?”
The man answers, “241.”
“That is wonderful!” says Albert. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!”
Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, “What’s your IQ?”
The lady answers, “144.”
“That is great!” responds Albert. “We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!”
Albert goes to another person and asks, “What’s your IQ?”
The man answers, “51.”
Albert’s face lights up as he exclaims, “So you’re the one who rides the KTM parked out front!”
June 17, 2010 at 6:57 am #182066Mr Blue wrote:
Quote:What do you call a 13 year old girl from Newcastle who can run faster than her six brothers?A: A virgin.
Thats only in Windale :woohoo: :woohoo:
June 17, 2010 at 7:03 am #106616
AnonymousA new Army Captain was assigned to an unit in a remote post in the Afghan Desert .
During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there.
The sergeant said, ‘Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That’s why we have Molly The Camel.’
The Captain said, ‘I can’t say that I condone this, but I can understand about the ‘urges’, so ok the camel can stay.’
About a month later, the Captain starts having his own ‘urges’. Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.
Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild and insane sex with the camel. When he’s done, he asked the Sergeant, ‘Is that how the men do it?’
‘No Sir. The men usually just ride Molly into town. That’s where the girls are …’
June 17, 2010 at 7:14 am #182063BOLLOCKS wrote:
Quote::blink:funniest joke around at the moment.
June 17, 2010 at 11:34 pm #182067New Golf Terms
A ‘Rock Hudson’ – a putt that looked straight but wasn’t.
A ‘Saddam Hussein’ – from one bunker into another.
A ‘Yasser Arafat’ – ugly and in the sand.
A ‘Rodney King’ – you over-clubbed.
An ‘O.J.’- you got away with one.
A ‘Princess Grace’ – you should have used a driver.
A ‘Princess Di’ – you should not have used your driver.
A ‘Rush Limbaugh’ – a little bit to the right.
A ‘Nancy Pelosi’ – way left and out-of-bounds.
A ‘Ted Kennedy’ – your ball goes into the water and then jumps out.
A `Tiger Woods’ – you played the wrong hole!
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