Jokes

[ChrisMember]

Here’s one for those of us old enough to remember the Paul Hogan show

[Peter DanielMember]

There are some great jokes here having been enjoying them all

Here is a couple

Two New Zealanders are taking an Irish man on a guided tour of their country.
Driving along one afternoon they see a sheep with its head stuck in the fence, one NZ’er looks at the other and they quickly pull over the side of the road. The first NZ has his way with the sheep, he comes back to the car and the other NZ jumps out to have his go with the poor sheep. After he is finished the NZers feel rude and so offer their Irish guest a turn. The Irish man grins from ear to ear jumps from the car runs over and sticks his head in the fence.

Little Johny is at school

Teacher: ” Today we are going to do the alphabet, Does anyone know something starting with an A?”

Johny: Hand punching the Air ” Me miss, yep, me here miss, i know”

Teacher: ” Yes little Johny?”

Johny: ” Yeah Arsehole “

Teacher: ” Oh my, well yes Johny that is a word starting with A, but we don’t use it at school ok. NOw does anyone know something starting with B”

Johny: Hand punching the Air ” Me miss, yep, me here miss, i know”

Teacher: ” Yes little Johny?”

Johny: ” Yeah Barstard “

Teacher: ” Oh my, well yes Johny that is a word starting with B, but we don’t use it at school ok. NOw does anyone know something starting with , well actually we might skip C today, doe anyone know something starting with D”

Johny: Hand punching the Air ” Me miss, yep, me here miss, i know”

Teacher: ” Yes little Johny?”

Johny: ” Yeah Dwarf “

Teacher: “Very good johny and whats a dwarf?”

Johny: ” Yeah he’s a little c*nt bout so high “

[Anonymous]

This is just plain old funny:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEqJ3SntliA

[ChrisMember]

Three men died and found themselves standing in line at the pearly gates. One was gay, another Italian, the other was Jewish.

At the gates of Heaven, these three were told that they had led a sinful life and each would be granted one last chance to redeem himself to get into Heaven. But, they each had to make a sacrifice.

The gay man wasn’t allowed to practice sodomy, the Jew wasn’t allowed to pick any money up off the ground and the Italian wasn’t allowed to have pizza. They only had to make this sacrifice for one day.

They were sent back down to Earth. They were walking along and the Italian said, “This is gonna be easy!” But then, right as he said that, they passed a pizza parlor and the Italian could smell the pizza.

“Oh, mama-mia! That smells good! One little bite couldn’t hurt!” The Italian took a bite and disappeared.

At this point the Jew and gay man knew that they had to have willpower. So, they walked a little more when the Jew saw a dime rolling his way. He got a look of glee in his eye and said, “One little dime won’t do anything!”

He bent over to pick up the dime and the gay man disappeared.

[ChrisMember]

A guy can’t obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor.
The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there’s nothing he can do unless he’s willing to try an experimental surgery.
The guy asks what the surgery is.
The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best.
The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so go ahead. The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to “try out his new equipment”.
The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner.
While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants.
No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants.
His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face.
She says “That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?”
With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says “Probably, but I don’t know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!”.

[craig griffithsMember]

whats the difference between your dirt bike and your wife?
you can tell when your mates have f#@ked your dirt bike.

[ChrisMember]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukAhlxl4hmM

[Anonymous]

once agian me and hitler disagree again.
we will swap our honda nx for hitler’s bmw gs.
just let me modify the nx’s brakes first.

[Anonymous]

champo35 wrote:

Quote:

once agian me and hitler disagree again.
we will swap our honda nx for bmw gs.
just let me modify the brakes first.

SO is the joke that your wife is forcing you to buy a BMW GS? If so, that’s pretty funny :laugh:

[Anonymous]

moto wrote:

Quote:

champo35 wrote:

Quote:

once agian me and hitler disagree again.
we will swap our honda nx for bmw gs.
just let me modify the brakes first.

SO is the joke that your wife is forcing you to buy a BMW GS? If so, that’s pretty funny :laugh:

that must be why us aussies created motoz tyres:
to roost moto

[Anonymous]

You wouldn’t be able to roost me on a ride….you’re always to far ahead! :p

[Anonymous]

you’r back peddeling now mate
it’s all good

[Anonymous]

So what’s the go? Why did you post that in jokes? Did I miss something or are you actually getting GS? They’re awesome bikes

[Anonymous]

did you watch the scene?

[Anonymous]

My bad:blush: :blush:

I thought the video before was mine:blush: :blush: :blush:

Sorry:blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush:

:laugh:

[Author]

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