Jokes

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Viewing 15 posts - 886 through 900 (of 1,694 total)
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  • #190917

    Nick Jackson
    Member

    The Pope and Julia Gillard are on the same stage at the MCG in front of a large crowd.
    The Pope leans towards Ms Gillard and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with Joy ? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice!”

    Gillard replied, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand ? Show me!”.

    So the Pope backhanded the Bitch.

    #190945

    Nick Jackson
    Member

    Two friends are fishing near a bridge. Suddenly a Hearse and two Funeral Cars go over the bridge so one of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head.
    When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits back down and carries on fishing. His mate turns to him and says,
    ” Dave, that’s one of the nicest most respectful things I’ve ever seen “
    Mick replies,
    ” Well we were married for nearly 20 years “

    #106650

    jason
    Member

    a pregnant woman,severly overdue with triplets, goes to see her doctor for help.
    the doctor hands her 3 ball bearings, telling her to swallow them before bed.
    sure enough, the next day the woman gives birth to 3 healthy beautiful boys.
    they have a normal childhood, with no repercussions from the ball bearings.

    13 years later one of her sons come running into the house very distressed,
    (son) mum, guess what just happened!!!
    (mum) what happened dear?
    (son) i was under the house taking a pee and a ball bearing dropped out.
    (mum) oh, its fine dear, its all part of growing up
    so the son goes back out to play

    10 minutes later the 2nd son comes rushing into the house panicking
    (son) mum, guess what just happened!!!
    (mum) what happened dear?
    (son) i was under the house taking a pee and a ball bearing dropped out.
    (mum) oh, its fine dear, its all part of growing up
    so the 2nd son goes back out to play

    half an hour later the 3rd son comes running in, sweat pouring off his forehead, white as a ghost,
    (son) mum, guess what just happened!!!
    (mum) i know dear,you were under the house taking a pee and a ball bearing fell out, its fine dear, its all part of growing up
    (son) no mum, i was under the house having a wank and i shot the cat !!!!!!

    #191357

    Nick Jackson
    Member

    My missus thought she was being funny when she said my cock resembled a Tic Tac.
    After she had finished her little victory laugh, I asked her”If that really is the case, how come your friends still have bad breath?”

    #191481

    Dan Bateman
    Member

    i do get a laugh from your jokes Nickj,
    keep em coming.

    #191482

    Jason Green
    Member

    Thats as good as “SUCK ON THIS ITS FOWL”! :silly:

    #191509

    Dean
    Member

    What do you call the first Afghan off the boat?

    Amhere!

    What do you call the second Afghan off the boat?

    Amhere Azwel!

    What do you call the third Afghan off the boat?

    Amhere Azwel Azhim!

    Ollie :laugh:

    #192004

    Nick Jackson
    Member

    A woman is given a hospital tour. She looks in a room, sees a man Wanking.
    ‘That’s awful’ she says to the Doc.He explains the man has an incurable condition. His testicles fill with semen so fast he has to do it at least 5 times a day or he will be in awful pain.
    ‘Poor man’ says the woman. In the next room a nurse is Sucking a mans dick
    ‘Explain that?’ she says 2 the Doc.
    The Doc says ‘Same condition but he’s with Medibank Private”

    #192011

    Nick Jackson
    Member

    It appears Garth Wood has won this years aboriginal art prize

    – mundine on canvas

    #192467

    Nick Jackson
    Member

    Sex is like Macdonalds;
    IM LOVING IT!
    Pussy is like Subway;
    EAT FRESH
    Dick is like Gatorade;
    GET IT IN YA!
    Masturbation is like KFC
    FINGER LICKING FOOD
    Swallowing is like Nike;
    JUST DO IT

    This joke is like an STD
    pass it on to every fucker you know :)

    #192586

    Mick D
    Member

    A heartwarming e-mail message from Glasgow .

    “Hi all, it’s snowing like hell here today. My mate says that since
    it’s been snowing, all his missus does is look through the window.

    He reckons if it gets much worse he’ll have to let her in. :laugh:

    #192588

    Mal
    Member

    The missus was watching a cookery programme the other day.

    I said, “What you watching that for? You can’t cook.”

    She said, “You watch porn!”

    Bitch.

    #192741

    Nick Jackson
    Member

    FEMALE LONELY HEARTS ADS
    What they really mean:

    ADVENTUROUS = Slut
    ATHLETIC = No tits
    30 SOMETHING = 41
    FUN = Annoying
    WILD = Gets pissed easily
    BEAUTIFUL EYES = Face like a robber’s dog
    SEEKS KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR = Ex-Husbands a fucking nutter
    NEW-AGE = Hairy with a smelly fanny
    HEADSTRONG = Argumentative
    ENJOYS PUBBING & CLUBBING = Alcoholic
    CURVY = Fat c##^
    CUDDLY = Fat c##^
    LIKES EATING OUT = Greedy fat c##^
    LIKES NIGHTS IN = Lazy fat c##^

    #191335

    Mal
    Member

    Why Men Wear Earrings

    Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men?
    A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an
    earring.

    The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is
    curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense”

    The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”

    “Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly.

    His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods
    him to ask, “how long have you been wearing one?”

    “Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

    (I always wondered how this trend got started)

    #192778

    Nick Jackson
    Member

    A truck driver goes on a date with a girl, later they go back 2 her parents place,
    they were just about 2 have sex on the couch when he could feel the cold barrel of a gun on his neck..when he turned around her father said

    “if you’re a real truck driver you’ll back out of there with a full load”!

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