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January 14, 2011 at 2:26 am #194427
New years eve didn’t turn out so good this year…..
I got locked up for punching the fuck outta this bloke at a party…
In my defense… your instincts kick in when you see an Arab waving his arms & counting down from 10!!!
January 14, 2011 at 2:32 am #194609What do you call nuts on the wall?
Walnuts
What do you call nuts on your chest?
Chestnuts
What do you call nuts on your chin?
A mouth full of cock!
January 14, 2011 at 4:10 am #106659Went to Hungry Jacks after work and saw a Muslim lady dressed head to toe in the brightest robes,
Apparently the Burkas are better at Hungry Jacks.
*Flame suit on*
January 14, 2011 at 4:44 am #194616TISCO wrote:
Quote:Went to Hungry Jacks after work and saw a Muslim lady dressed head to toe in the brightest robes,Apparently the Burkas are better at Hungry Jacks.
*Flame suit on*
Damn, another laugh out loud and snort in the office moment :laugh:
January 14, 2011 at 5:26 am #194610Nickj wrote:
Quote:New years eve didn’t turn out so good this year…..I got locked up for punching the fuck outta this bloke at a party…
In my defense… your instincts kick in when you see an Arab waving his arms & counting down from 10!!!
Gold :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
January 14, 2011 at 5:40 am #194611The Aussie bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricketers for a meeting.
They want to know how they went downhill so fast
January 14, 2011 at 8:54 am #194620LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE
A congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he
turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if
you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the
total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”“Oh, I don’t know,” said the congressman. “How about global warming,
universal health care, or stimulus packages?” as he smiled smugly.“OK,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a
question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff –
grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat
patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence,
thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to
discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you
don’t know shit?”And then she went back to reading her book.
January 17, 2011 at 4:38 am #194640Two drunks are in a pub.
One says to the other ‘I’ve fucked your mother, pushed my cock down
her throat then boned her up the arse’.
The other drunk says ‘I think you’ve had enough to drink now, Dad’.:laugh: :laugh:
January 17, 2011 at 8:38 pm #106660A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,
‘Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?’
To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says,
‘Fook off, ye’ll no bring it back!’
January 19, 2011 at 12:09 am #106661a family of cannibals are sitting down to a feed of Blonde.
the father starts shaking his head and has a little giggle.
the wife ask what’s so funny.
oh nothing he replies, this has got to be the dumbest thing i have ever eaten.
January 19, 2011 at 8:16 am #194863Three guys are discussing women.
“I like to watch a woman’s tits best,” the first guy says.
The second says “I like to look at a woman’s ass.”
They ask the third guy “What about you?”.
“Me? I prefer to see the top of her head.”
January 19, 2011 at 8:21 am #194894I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
January 20, 2011 at 6:29 am #194895If u have sex 365 times a yr and u melted down all the condoms 2 make a tire what would u call it?
a fuckin goodyear!Sex is like playing spades.
If u don’t have a good partner, u better have a good hand.Big Bad Wolf told lil red riding hood lift ur top so i can suck ur tits. no, she said while lifting her skirt, eat me like the fuckin book says!
A rooster and a cat were playing by the pool. the cat fell in and the rooster laughed. The cat said, a wet pussy always makes a cock happy!
January 21, 2011 at 6:40 am #194924I’m sick of double standards.
My wife buys a ”rampant rabbit with attachments” and she’s seen as a ‘naughty fun girl with a special new toy’.
But when i order a ‘240volt deluxe fistmaster 5000 latex revolving pussy with realistic elasticated anus, imitation shit dribble, semen collection tray, and built in sadistic rape sound system”, then that supposedly makes me some kind of sick pervert.
January 21, 2011 at 7:25 am #194976Condom Slogans
1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don’t be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don’t be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can’t go wrong if you shield your dong
7. If you’re not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won’t get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat
13. While you’re undressing venus, dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her
21. No glove, no love! -
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