Jokes

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Viewing 15 posts - 931 through 945 (of 1,694 total)
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  • #194427

    Nick Jackson
    Member

    New years eve didn’t turn out so good this year…..

    I got locked up for punching the fuck outta this bloke at a party…

    In my defense… your instincts kick in when you see an Arab waving his arms & counting down from 10!!!

    #194609

    Matt Baker
    Member

    What do you call nuts on the wall?

    Walnuts

    What do you call nuts on your chest?

    Chestnuts

    What do you call nuts on your chin?

    A mouth full of cock!

    #106659

    Went to Hungry Jacks after work and saw a Muslim lady dressed head to toe in the brightest robes,

    Apparently the Burkas are better at Hungry Jacks.

    *Flame suit on*

    #194616

    Mick D
    Member

    TISCO wrote:

    Quote:
    Went to Hungry Jacks after work and saw a Muslim lady dressed head to toe in the brightest robes,

    Apparently the Burkas are better at Hungry Jacks.

    *Flame suit on*

    Damn, another laugh out loud and snort in the office moment :laugh:

    #194610

    Nickj wrote:

    Quote:
    New years eve didn’t turn out so good this year…..

    I got locked up for punching the fuck outta this bloke at a party…

    In my defense… your instincts kick in when you see an Arab waving his arms & counting down from 10!!!

    Gold :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    #194611

    Nick Jackson
    Member

    The Aussie bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricketers for a meeting.

    They want to know how they went downhill so fast

    #194620

    Ron Birrell
    Member

    LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

    A congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he
    turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if
    you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

    The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the
    total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”

    “Oh, I don’t know,” said the congressman. “How about global warming,
    universal health care, or stimulus packages?” as he smiled smugly.

    “OK,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a
    question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff –
    grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat
    patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”
    The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence,
    thinks about it and says, “

    Hmmm, I have no idea.”

    To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to
    discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you
    don’t know shit?”

    And then she went back to reading her book.

    #194640

    Dean
    Member

    Two drunks are in a pub.
    One says to the other ‘I’ve fucked your mother, pushed my cock down
    her throat then boned her up the arse’.
    The other drunk says ‘I think you’ve had enough to drink now, Dad’.

    :laugh: :laugh:

    #106660

    A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,

    ‘Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?’

    To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says,

    ‘Fook off, ye’ll no bring it back!’

    #106661

    drew
    Member

    a family of cannibals are sitting down to a feed of Blonde.

    the father starts shaking his head and has a little giggle.

    the wife ask what’s so funny.

    oh nothing he replies, this has got to be the dumbest thing i have ever eaten.

    #194863

    Matt Baker
    Member

    Three guys are discussing women.

    “I like to watch a woman’s tits best,” the first guy says.

    The second says “I like to look at a woman’s ass.”

    They ask the third guy “What about you?”.

    “Me? I prefer to see the top of her head.”

    #194894

    Matt Baker
    Member

    I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

    #194895

    Nick Jackson
    Member

    If u have sex 365 times a yr and u melted down all the condoms 2 make a tire what would u call it?
    a fuckin goodyear!

    Sex is like playing spades.
    If u don’t have a good partner, u better have a good hand.

    Big Bad Wolf told lil red riding hood lift ur top so i can suck ur tits. no, she said while lifting her skirt, eat me like the fuckin book says!

    A rooster and a cat were playing by the pool. the cat fell in and the rooster laughed. The cat said, a wet pussy always makes a cock happy!

    #194924

    Nick Jackson
    Member

    I’m sick of double standards.

    My wife buys a ”rampant rabbit with attachments” and she’s seen as a ‘naughty fun girl with a special new toy’.

    But when i order a ‘240volt deluxe fistmaster 5000 latex revolving pussy with realistic elasticated anus, imitation shit dribble, semen collection tray, and built in sadistic rape sound system”, then that supposedly makes me some kind of sick pervert.

    #194976

    Nick Jackson
    Member

          

    Condom Slogans

    1. Cover your stump before you hump
    2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
    3. Don’t be silly, protect your willy
    4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
    5. Don’t be a loner, cover your boner
    6. You can’t go wrong if you shield your dong
    7. If you’re not going to sack it, go home and whack it
    8. If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey
    9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize
    10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
    11. She won’t get sick if you wrap your dick
    12. If you go into heat, package your meat
    13. While you’re undressing venus, dress up your penis
    14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
    15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
    16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker
    17. Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool
    18. The right selection will protect your erection
    19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
    20. A crank with armor will never harm her
    21. No glove, no love!

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