Jokes

[Nick JacksonMember]

Apparently the telecast of the state of origin tonight is being moved to the adult channel. Apparently footage of 17 QLD arseholes getting hammered by a pack of 17 beefy NSW MEN is too explicit to show on free to air.

[Nick JacksonMember]

This prostitute, who was also a cricket fan, got a tattoo of ricky ponting on her left inside thigh and tattoo of shane warne on her right inside thigh . She said to her next customer “if you guess who they are, you can root me for free” he looked down and said “i dunno who those two ugly bastards are but the one in the middle with fat lips and curly hair is andrew symonds “

[AlexMember]

Nickj wrote:

Apparently the telecast of the state of origin tonight is being moved to the adult channel. Apparently footage of 17 QLD arseholes getting hammered by a pack of 17 beefy NSW MEN is too explicit to show on free to air.

Boooo!

[Scott TyszkiewiczMember]

A bloke goes to the doctors and says “Doc every time i masturbate i yell Go Queensland”
The Doctor replies “Thats normal mate most wankers do”

[AlexMember]

Hahahaha, still Boooo!

[MarkMember]

Mad C*%nts
keep the jokes coming thias is fun

[Nick JacksonMember]

Teachers talking to the class about sex and draws a penis on the blackboard.
Little johnny pipes up saying my dads got two of those a little one he uses for pee pee and a big one he cleans the babysitters teeth with

[Nick JacksonMember]

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting
on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote ‘The Hokey Kokey’ died peacefully at the age of 93 The most traumatic part for his family was getting him in the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the fucking trouble started

[Nick JacksonMember]

Was asked to go see my ex girlfriend today. One thing lead to another & we ended up havin sex.
Police weren’t to pleased.
I was only meant to be identifying the body.

[Gary BloxsomeMember]

For all of you who are married, were married, wish you were married or wish you were not married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine.

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips, in Northern Arizona , when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried – in vain – to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
“What in bag?” asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said: “It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.”
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: “Good trade . . .”

[Adrian LeeMember]

wife says to husband ” you only ever want to have sex when your drunk ”

husband replies ” thats not true …… sometimes i want a kebab ”

[Gary BloxsomeMember]

In South Sydney, a fire destroyed a multi story block of flats.
A Polynesian family of six con artists lived on the first floor, and all six died in the fire.

An Islamic group of seven Pakistani welfare cheats, all illegally in the country, lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire.

Six Maori ex-cons lived on the 3rd floor and they too, died.

Four Aboriginal families in the 2 flats on the 4th floor also perished.

One white couple lived on the top floor. They survived.

Relatives of the deceased and local do-gooders were furious. They flew into Sydney and quickly demanded a meeting with the fire chief.

On camera, they loudly demanded to know why the Islanders, Muslims, Maoris and Aboriginals all died in the fire and only the white couple survived.

The fire chief quietly replied, “They were both at work.”

[Mick DMember]

I bought the wife a Memory Stick, it’s great!
She hasn’t forgotten my beer, dinner or sex once since the first beating. 😆

Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long relationship… she replied “wear a seatbelt and don’t piss me off!” :huh:

[Mick DMember]

I persuaded my girlfriend to smuggle my coke through customs by sticking it up her arse. I didn’t know I could buy another can in the departure lounge.

[Nick JacksonMember]

A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it at dinner.
“Son, where were you today?”
Son says “at school dad.”
Robot slaps the son!
“Ok, i watched a dvd at my mates!”
“What dvd?”
“Toy story.”
Robot slaps the son again!
“Ok, it was a porno” cries the son.
“What! When I was your age I didn’t know what porn was” says the dad.
Robot slaps the dad!
Mum laughs “HaHaHa! He’s certainly your son.”
Robot slaps The mum!

[Author]

Posts