Jokes

[Nick JacksonMember]

Its not all bad news for the Labour Party,It appears one of their members can organise a root in a brothel.

[Nick JacksonMember]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.”

She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?”

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, iron this!”.

[AlexMember]

A guy gets a call from the police telling him his house was robbed.
The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife.

A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they f&^%&d my wife after only five cans!”

[AlexMember]

Bought my son an iPad,my daughter an iPod.
The wife got me an iPhone and I got her an iRon.
She wasn’t overjoyed even after I explained it can be integrated with the iWash, iCook and iClean network.
This opened the iNag reminder service and totally wiped out the iShag function.

[Mick DMember]

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning the slag in the morning!

The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers……. so I did….she’s 21 and her name’s Angela.

My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60’s group The Monkees. I thought she was joking……..And then I saw her face.

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night.. Locals were shouting paedophile and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I’m 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.

My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of matches…..his little face lit up when he tried to walk.

[glennMember]

micknmeld wrote:

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning the slag in the morning!

The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers……. so I did….she’s 21 and her name’s Angela.

My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60’s group The Monkees. I thought she was joking……..And then I saw her face.

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night.. Locals were shouting paedophile and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I’m 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.

My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of matches…..his little face lit up when he tried to walk.

you seriously need help!!!!!! :whistle:

[ChrisMember]

Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he had heard of the new sex position called rodeo. His friend says no, what is it?

Well you mount your wife from the back, reach around and cup her breasts with both hands.

Then say, “Boy, those are almost as nice as your sisters”.

Then see if you can hold on for 8 seconds.

[Nick JacksonMember]

Happy steak and blow job day!!

.sorry i mean fathers day.

[Jeffrey SmithMember]

That must be an English tradition

[Nick JacksonMember]

Jeffro wrote:

That must be an English tradition

Nah jeffro ! That’s worldwide wishful thinking

[Dwayne OMember]

Amen to that :cheer:

[Mick DMember]

Nickj wrote:

Happy steak and blow job day!!

.sorry i mean fathers day.

Damn it!! I wish I had of known that!!

I like steak.

[Jeffrey SmithMember]

Never happened for me, back when I was married, the bride would tell me that as I am not her father I wasn’t getting anything special. No wonder we’re not together anymore

[SteveMember]

I tried Nickj,but my wife is a hair dresser,blow job means my shit gets hot or burnt.failed badly.Very sore now.
joke:A farmer up north has sucessfully growen a field of vibraters,biggest problem now is squatters.

[Nick JacksonMember]

toes wrote:

I tried Nickj,but my wife is a hair dresser,blow job means my shit gets hot or burnt.failed badly.Very sore now.
joke:A farmer up north has sucessfully growen a field of vibraters,biggest problem now is squatters.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

You’re a funny fucker Toes !!!

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[Author]

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