Jokes

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Viewing 15 posts - 1,156 through 1,170 (of 1,694 total)
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  • #207626

    Nick Jackson
    Member

    Its not all bad news for the Labour Party,It appears one of their members can organise a root in a brothel.

    #207631

    Nick Jackson
    Member

    As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.”

    She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?”

    A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, iron this!”.

    :D

    #106713

    Alex
    Member

    A guy gets a call from the police telling him his house was robbed.
    The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife.

    A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they f&^%&d my wife after only five cans!”

    #207654

    Alex
    Member

    Bought my son an iPad,my daughter an iPod.
    The wife got me an iPhone and I got her an iRon.
    She wasn’t overjoyed even after I explained it can be integrated with the iWash, iCook and iClean network.
    This opened the iNag reminder service and totally wiped out the iShag function.

    #207655

    Mick D
    Member

    I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning the slag in the morning!

    The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers……. so I did….she’s 21 and her name’s Angela.

    My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60’s group The Monkees. I thought she was joking……..And then I saw her face.

    Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night.. Locals were shouting paedophile and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I’m 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.

    My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of matches…..his little face lit up when he tried to walk.

    #208078

    glenn
    Member
    micknmeld wrote:
    I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning the slag in the morning!

    The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers……. so I did….she’s 21 and her name’s Angela.

    My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60’s group The Monkees. I thought she was joking……..And then I saw her face.

    Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night.. Locals were shouting paedophile and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I’m 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.

    My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of matches…..his little face lit up when he tried to walk.

    you seriously need help!!!!!! :whistle:

    #106714

    Chris
    Member

    Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he had heard of the new sex position called rodeo. His friend says no, what is it?

    Well you mount your wife from the back, reach around and cup her breasts with both hands.

    Then say, “Boy, those are almost as nice as your sisters”.

    Then see if you can hold on for 8 seconds.

    #208116

    Nick Jackson
    Member

    Happy steak and blow job day!!

    .sorry i mean fathers day. :D :D

    #208166

    That must be an English tradition

    #208172

    Nick Jackson
    Member
    Jeffro wrote:
    That must be an English tradition

    Nah jeffro ! That’s worldwide wishful thinking :D :D

    #106715

    Dwayne O
    Member

    Amen to that ;) :cheer:

    #208167

    Mick D
    Member
    Nickj wrote:
    Happy steak and blow job day!!

    .sorry i mean fathers day. :D :D

    Damn it!! I wish I had of known that!!

    I like steak. ;)

    #208220

    Never happened for me, back when I was married, the bride would tell me that as I am not her father I wasn’t getting anything special. No wonder we’re not together anymore :D

    #208230

    Steve
    Member

    I tried Nickj,but my wife is a hair dresser,blow job means my shit gets hot or burnt.failed badly.Very sore now.
    joke:A farmer up north has sucessfully growen a field of vibraters,biggest problem now is squatters.

    #208234

    Nick Jackson
    Member
    toes wrote:
    I tried Nickj,but my wife is a hair dresser,blow job means my shit gets hot or burnt.failed badly.Very sore now.
    joke:A farmer up north has sucessfully growen a field of vibraters,biggest problem now is squatters.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    You’re a funny fucker Toes !!!

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

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