Jokes

This topic contains 487 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by  Adrian Snowden 9 years ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 106 through 120 (of 1,694 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #106420

    Dwayne O
    Member

    Why should chicks always wear knickers ????????

    Because OH&S regulations state that all manholes should be covered !!!!!!:blush:
    Sorry for that one ladies

    #110321

    Mick D
    Member

    Good onya Yuri, You will be an Aussie in no time…Keep up the good work.

    #106421

    Chris
    Member

    Q. What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?
    A. If we don’t get some support soon, people will think we’re nuts!

    #110343

    GP
    Member

    Ouch that hurt :D

    #110313

    Greg
    Member

    Christmas Day & The Police Officer.

    It was a Christmas morning and for christmas this kid received a bike, So he was riding it around the street.

    A police officer on a horse came upto him and said “Where’d you get the bike from” the kid replys “I got it from Santa” the police officer says “Well next time you see Santa tell him to get you a bike with a helmet”

    Seconds go by….

    The kid asks the police officer “Where’d you get the horse from” the police officer replys “I got it from santa” the kid says “Well next time you see Santa tell him you get you a horse with a arsehole on the rear not on top of the horse”

    #111335

    Dean
    Member

    A cabbie picks up a Nun.

    She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her.

    She asks him why he is staring.
    He replies: ‘I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.’
    She answers, ‘My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.’

    ‘Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have sex with a nun.’

    She responds,
    ‘Well, let’s see what we can do about that:
    #1, You have to be single
    #2, You must be Catholic.
    #3, I have to save my virginity, you will have to enter me from behind.

    The cab driver is very excited and says,
    ‘Yes, I’m single, Catholic, and I’m happy to enter from behind!’

    ‘OK’ the nun says. ‘Pull into the next alley.’

    The nun fulfills his fantasy, in a way that would make a hooker blush.

    But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

    ‘My dear child,’ says the nun, ‘why are you crying?’

    ‘Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish….’

    The nun says, ‘That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to fancy dress party.’

    cheers Ollie :laugh:

    #111483

    Mick D
    Member

    Hey Ollie that was gold,I showed my missus and she just walked away from the computer snorting!!

    #111489

    Dean
    Member

    Yeh I know ha ha, It was sent to me from my mother in law:laugh: :laugh:

    ollie

    #111490

    GP
    Member

    LMFAO!!!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: that was HUGE XD

    #106422

    Chris
    Member

    How are fat girls and mopeds alike?

    They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.

    Why is the space between a woman’s breasts and her hips called a
    Waist?

    Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

    #111575

    Mick D
    Member

    badfun wrote:

    Quote:
    Why is the space between a woman’s breasts and her hips called a
    Waist?

    Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

    Another laugh out loud in the office moment. Thanks Badfun!!!

    #106423

    Chris
    Member

    A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

    The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it’s his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

    He tells the boy everything there is to know about
    condoms and sex.

    At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.

    The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

    That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parent’s house and meets his girlfriend at the door. ‘Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!’

    The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated.

    The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

    A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
    10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

    Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend,

    ‘I had no idea you were this religious.’

    The boy turns, and whispers back,

    ‘I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.’

    #111732

    Bruce Curtis
    Member

    Let me confide in you blokes for a bit, I’m not much of a beer drinker so on a hot summers day one of my favourite pastimes is to refresh myself with a good “Dicken Cider”
    It’s not just me either it’s very very popular all over, particulalrly with the ladies, in fact I was listening to a lady down the street the other day telling her husband that she could use a good Dicken Cider, he apparently doesn’t like it too much.
    My wife says her best friend can’t seem to get enough Dicken Cider.
    My Sister in Law also said she enjoys a good Dicken Cider.
    And even the older generation seem to like a good Dicken Cider it’s all the rage with one of the ladies down at the nursing home lately.
    It can happen anywhere to you just get a hankering for it, why just at work the other day and one of the secretaries came up & asked me if I could get a Dicken Cider, I didn’t hesistate and gave her one right there & then, she was most pleased with it too, reckons she’ll be having another real soon.

    So there you go all over the world people can benefit from the simple pleasure of a good Dicken Cider.

    Mr Blue

    #111787

    Mick D
    Member

    Well done Mr Blue, I haven’t heard that one before!!

    #106424

    Chris
    Member

    What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?

    Nothing, she’s been told twice already.

    How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

    Marry It!

Viewing 15 posts - 106 through 120 (of 1,694 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.