Jokes

[simon burkeMember]

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a great huge, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
“Well, whatcha’ gonna do about it says the Biker?” menacingly, as I burst into tears.
“Come on, you whimp,” the biker says, ” I can’t stand to see a grown man crying.”
“This is the worst day of my life,” I say. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with another man and a dog bit me.”
“So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing!
But enough about me, how’s your day going?”

[Gary BloxsomeMember]

A teacher’s story about Stuttering

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. “Human beings are the only animals that stutter,’ she says.

A little girl raises her hand. I had a kitty-cat who stuttered..’ The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,
asked the girl to describe the incident.

“Well,” she began, ‘I was in the back yard with my kitty
and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!’ That must’ve been scary,’ said the teacher. ‘It sure was,’ said the little girl.

‘My kitty raised her back, went “Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF,” but before she could say ‘Fuck-off !,’ the Rottweiler ate her!

The teacher had to leave the room.

[simon burkeMember]

Any one watch Hamish and Andy last night?
This is relevant

oh…bugger..its too small ..oh well…heres the link to the site i got it off anyway
http://www.owned.com/

Bol :woohoo:

[Gary BloxsomeMember]

“YA KNOW, WHEN I WAS 25 AND GOT A HARD-ON,
I COULDN’T BEND IT WITH BOTH HANDS.

BY THE TIME I WAS 50, I COULD BEND IT ABOUT
10 DEGREES IF I TRIED REAL HARD.

BY THE TIME I WAS 60, I COULD BEND IT
20 DEGREES, NO PROBLEM.

I’M GONNA BE 70 NEXT WEEK, AND I CAN BEND IT
IN HALF WITH JUST ONE HAND.”

“SO, WHAT’S YOUR POINT?”

“WELL, I’M JUST WONDERING

HOW MUCH STRONGER AM I GONNA GET?

[Nick JacksonMember]

Woke up the other morning at 6am with a wicked hang over,to the neighbour mowing his fucking lawn. First reaction was to get up and throttle the basterd, then I thought fuck it, he’ll just have to mow around me.

[David MasonMember]

The wife left a note on the fridge………

“It’s not working!! I can’t take it anymore, I’ve gone to stay at my Moms!”

I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold………

God knows what she was on about!!

[Mick DMember]

Now this is funny!!

[Mick DMember]

Funny shit!! :laugh: :laugh:

[simon burkeMember]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
Husband stalking around with a fly swatter

“What are you doing?”
She asked.

“Hunting Flies”
He responded.

“Oh. ! Killing any?”
She asked.

“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.
“How can you tell them apart?”
He responded,
“3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.

[GregMember]

micknmeld wrote:

Now this is funny!!

Yeah but it starts slow before it gets you in eh :blink:

[Bob DowsettMember]

Trailboss wrote:

micknmeld wrote:

Now this is funny!!

Yeah but it starts slow before it gets you in eh :blink:

What don’t tell me your reading 50 shades of f all Tb

My missus reckons its crap …………….but she’s still reading it

she reckons you’d be better off watchin a porno at least you have pictures :woohoo:

[simon burkeMember]

My mother inlaw was baby sitting my kids the other night…when me and the missus got back she was reading a book…i read a few books so i quizzed her if it was a good book ? :huh:

She sorta said yep and changed the subject pretty quickly :huh:

I now remember the title of the book…..”50 shades of Grey” :ohmy: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :ohmy:

True story :ohmy:

Bol :woohoo:

[GregMember]

KING BOLLOCKS wrote:

My mother inlaw was baby sitting my kids the other night…when me and the missus got back she was reading a book…i read a few books so i quizzed her if it was a good book ? :huh:

She sorta said yep and changed the subject pretty quickly :huh:

I now remember the title of the book…..”50 shades of Grey” :ohmy: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :ohmy:

True story :ohmy:

Bol :woohoo:

Get a copy for your bride by all accounts its the go Bolls, shit sorry King Bolls

TB

[Scott SouthwellMember]

[peteMember]

Trailboss wrote:

KING BOLLOCKS wrote:

My mother inlaw was baby sitting my kids the other night…when me and the missus got back she was reading a book…i read a few books so i quizzed her if it was a good book ? :huh:

She sorta said yep and changed the subject pretty quickly :huh:

I now remember the title of the book…..”50 shades of Grey” :ohmy: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :ohmy:

True story :ohmy:

Bol :woohoo:

Get a copy for your bride by all accounts its the go Bolls, shit sorry King Bolls

TB

Isn’t it based on King Bollocks ? :laugh: :laugh:

[Author]

Posts