[simon burkeMember]

A store that sells new husbands has opened in Toronto, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men have jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love children.

‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more,’ so she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love children, and are extremely good looking.

‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love children, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love children, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

[simon burkeMember]

Day 3
A few of the lads were having green eggs and ham for breakfast. :sick:
We kitted up and headed off towards Cooktown. 25 km south of Cooktown we stopped to check out Black Mountain on the Mulligan Highway.(Mulligan was the bloke who opened up the country “up North” and found all the Gold etc..bit of a legend) Amazing rock formations. The area has a bad reputation, as numerous people and those searching for the missing, have disappeared without trace. Pretty freaky place if you ask me. :unsure:
Cruised into Cooktown and headed straight up to the lookout, as one does when one is a tourist. Ripper views. :cheer:
The history of Cooktown is amazing, and I love that kinda stuff. Cpt James Cook beached “the Endeavor” there in 1770, because it was totally stuffed. I reckon he sailed like I ride. :huh:
I liked the fact that this is where they got the name for the big fury animals off the local Aboriginal people, who called them “Kangaroos” .
Click this link for more info on Cooktown http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cooktown,_Queensland
We meandered down to the park and chilled for a few hours and got our arses ready for some serious long bum numbing roads heading inland. :ohmy:
Fuelled up and away we went. The country changed dramatically from the tropical coastal country we had been riding in. Lightly timbered country, rocky ridges and long red roads that went on..and on..and on. :pinch:
Smoko at Isabella creek and lunch at the Normanby River. Up in the trees and the high banks of the Normanby you can see how high the waters get during the wet season. Logs and crap were 40ft above our heads in places. House drowned Wolfurus in the River crossing. House 1.Wolferis 1. :laugh:
We stopped at Old Laura Station. They did it tough in the old days. We were also told of stories about the miners that used to use this track to get from Cooktown to the Palmer River when the gold rush was on. Local Aboriginals were pretty savage at the time and used to raid the miners and take them back up into the hills, break their legs so they couldn’t run away…and then eat them. :ohmy: After a while, they only took the Chinese miners because they reckoned they tasted better…true story. :blink:
Looks like the local natives invented the first “Chinese take aways” :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:
The country really started to open up a bit now and we stopped in a few times on the Normanby to see a few crocs. After travelling for so bloody long on open roads, we got a bit excited getting onto a twin trail which ran about 3 km down to the river. Everyone was racing and the dust was a bastard. I crash twice and pissed myself laughing both times. :laugh:
We reached our destination “Kalpowar Crossing” in the Lakefield (Rinyirru) National Park. We were to camp our first night under the stars. Roy had it all set up for us when we got there and cold showers were on the menu and plenty of cold beer. We decided to go and have a crack at a few Barra before it got too dark. The lads had the bait casters out and I sat up in a tree watching the mad bastards, throwing in useful comments while sucking on a tinnie or two. The Ranger came through the crossing and warned us that a 3.5 m croc was seen on the crossing only the night before. :ohmy:
I knew I was up that tree for a good reason. Bloody tourists, everyone kept fishing anyway. Great feed that night and Wolferis and I played up like 2 bob watches. Demolished 1 and a third bottle of rum, beers etc..Seemed like a great idea at the time. Somehow I made it to my bed and passed out. :silly: :side:

Black Mountain. Creepy joint

Cooktown..in case you can’t read








On the way to Isabella Creek and there.






Normanby River,and House drowns Wolferis



mmmm…dust



Old Laura Stn


Lurking Croc
No wonder I fall off my bike a bit :blush:

Nearly at Kowpwar Crossing

this is Mick…Good bloke

Camping

Did that Ranger say there’s crocs here???





And there was cake!!!!..Every night :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:

This is the moment I probably should have gone to bed :blink:

To be continued :cheer:

[simon burkeMember]

Amazing :cheer:
What an adventure :cheer:
Cheers for the report Dude and Murph

Bol :woohoo:

[simon burkeMember]

Day 2
Kitted up and waited to get going for some great riding through the Daintree. While waiting, chatted to a nice backpacker from Sweden (of course) :kiss: who was pretty amazed at what we were doing. We are so cool, 15 minutes later we were off. The same sheila was with her mates a few hundred m down the road after we left and I gave them a big wave and nearly crashed off the road at the same time. Bloody hell Bollocks..concentrate man. :ohmy: :huh:
We eventually came across our first real obstacle. :woohoo: A rather large creek which we had to dismount our bikes and push them across, swearing and laughing we got them across eventually. Fun as a bag of cats. :cheer:
We made our way to a place called “Roaring Meg Falls” near Wujal Wujal. Massive granite rocks with one of the biggest waterfalls I have ever seen. It’s the head of the Bloomfield River & a sacred Aboriginal place. We stopped and had lunch there.
We then proceed to run some awesome single tracks with creek crossings and ridge climbs. Lots of sphincter clenching moments Wolferis had his first off, the start of many more to come!!! House , Wolferis and I spent the next few hours trying to fill each other in on any bog hole we came across, and anyone else who came anywhere near us. This riding today was very similar to the riding we do back at home. Big snake had a crack at me on the side of a track, don’t know what type, Brown, Copperhead, Death adder…dunno..too busy lift my legs up onto the seat in a mad panic. :ohmy:
House got the first flat tyre of the trip. He didn’t mind the break as he was suffering the man flu that was spreading through the camp. :sick:
Hot and humid today, some pacey riding sorting the men out from the boys. The sweep rider and I got lost for about an hour after fixing my rear brakes, corner man breakdown :angry:..didn’t matter too much..got to see some country that the others didn’t
Reached the Bloomfield River and saw our first Croc. Big fat bastard lying on the bank across the other side of the river (thank God).
Some pretty cool riding from there onto “The Lion’s Den”, just south of Cooktown. Belting along the open road I saw off to my right an old Aboriginal chap sitting under a tree in the middle of nowhere, with a massive white beard hanging over his tummy, wearing nothing but a pair of footy shorts & drinking a big bot. He was having a great time over there under the shade of a tree waving to us all as we went past, I was the only one who saw him and gave him a huge wave and nearly fell off my bike..again, pretty sure I made his day. :laugh:
Pulled into the Lion’s Den Hotel, the oldest pub in North Qld. The Lion’s Den Hotel was built in 1875 on the banks of the Little Annan River, surrounded by 100 year old mango trees and tropical landscapes.
The support vehicle turned up, for the first time, and a few repairs were made on a few bikes through out the night.
Had a well deserved scrub, had massive feed and a few tinnies. Poor old House was crook and off to bed early.
Few of the lads played up, but good old Bollocks didn’t..next night..different story. :whistle:

Ready 2 go

Plenty of these

Lots of bog holes :cheer:




Bloomfiled river below “Roaring meg Falls”

Damo

Us 3 and Chris DA GERMAN..”IN GERMANY..VE HAVE NO DIRT ROADS”!!! he made it to the top,but he had a pretty rough time..poor little German

No drowned bikes,all through


Lunch at the “Roaring Meg Falls”



House

Bollocks

Wolferis calling out for a tractor tube


First flat

we were there :huh:

Fat Croc

Arrived at the Lions Den Hotel :cheer:

To be continued :cheer:

[simon burkeMember]

Day 1

Today is the day!!!You little ball tearer!!! :woohoo:
Taxi out to the CAPE YORK MOTORCYCLES ADVENTURES and we were like school kids in a lolly shop when we got there.
Meet and greet with paper work and Q & A’s. Roy & Renee Kunda own and operate the business and have been doing these tours for over 20 years, they certainly know their stuff and are great people. The 2 young blokes who were to lead us north were Graham & Jordan. Roy was to drive the support vehicle. Other riders were Mick (Gosford) Chris (Sydney) Simon (Canberra) Scott (WA) Glen (WA) Damo (Hobart) Chris (Germany).We got to pick our bikes and I went for number 4 as that’s my lucky number..well…was…poor bike. We were all so clean and shiny and a light misty rain was hovering over Cairns. Our blue tooths were going and the banter started right from the word go. North we headed !!! :cheer:
Gradual climb up the steep ranges that overlook the city of Cairns and a quick regroup at a lookout at the top of the ranges. Not far from this spot we headed off road into what looked to be a State forest. The country was pure rain forest but we were sticking to the main track to get a few km’s up. So many sweet singles to the left and right of us !!! We spread out, heading north on an awesome twin trail. Comfortably doing about 80 or 90 km’s in fifth gear up on the pegs, I came over a rise to see a few bogged 4wds up ahead near a bridge. Little did I know, I just hit my first bit of red clay, or “dog on lino” as we call it back home. Quite a strange sensation when you are flying through the air thinking “where did my bike just go”? :huh: :huh: :huh:
But, me being me, I had the situation all under control as I assumed the lady bird crash position in mid air. Hit the deck, bounced, slid and came to a muddy stop with the cheers of the 4wders ringing in my ears. :cheer: I eventually got to my feet, covered in red bloody clay and trudged back up the hill to my DRZ. Oh dear…snapped the handle bars clean in half, along with 2 broken indicators and a cut ignition wire. :unsure: Hmmm….that sucks.
A few of the lads turned up behind me and slip sliding down the hill and headed on towards Mt Molloy where we were to meet for lunch. Graham the sweep rider turned up and I sheepishly explained my situation. To my amazement he had it all fixed up in 20 minutes. All I had to do was make it to Mt Molloy with one side of the bars 2 inches lower than the other side and he would rip back to Cairns and grab another set of bars.1 hour into this adventure and I have had a massive “off” already…bloody hell this is going to be a long trip. :pinch: :pinch: :pinch:
Arrived at MT Molloy at lunch time no worries at all. At its height Mount Molloy was a copper mine in the 1890s. It was commonly used as camping grounds and Chinese market gardeners used to grow grain and other foodstuffs for the miners nearby. Today it is one of the first stops for travellers heading north from Cairns. Steak sandwiches and beers were had while the lads fixed my poor old bike.
Bit of black top riding and we passed through the township of Mossman which is the gateway to the Daintree and renowned Sugar cane country. Crossed the Daintree river on a ferry and to our delight Jordan chucked a wheelie the length of the 40 cars on the other side waiting to board the ferry. Pissed myself laughing at the look on the faces of the people waiting, jaws open and shaking of heads. I waved to them all, but didn’t get too many waves back…it was a bloody good wheelie.
Pulled up at a lookout overlooking the Daintree rainforest and the rivers that run out to sea. The Daintree was one of my highlights. Truly an amazing place and known as the oldest rainforest in the world. You can check it out with this link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daintree_Rainforest otherwise i would have to go on and on. We pulled up at PK’s jungle resort and hooked straight into jugs of beer cause it was happy hour, and we were a little bit thirsty. TB, Moose, Kram and Jacko stayed here and now I know why. Great perv on the back packers, plenty of grog and great tucker.
A few of the lads had a big one that night, not Bollocks, as he was a bit sore after his big off and went to bed pretty early…poor Bollocks. :blush:
Headquarters about to leave..so clean :kiss:

Lookout over Cairns

Snap goes the bar…poor bike

Please replace bar divots

Surgery

Mt Molloy. Didn’t I cop some shit !!!
Wolferis with one finger up stating first crash :laugh: .Ran out of fingers for you old boy by the end of the trip


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Overlooking Mossman with the Daintree in the background.



Ferry over the Daintree River



A random beach in the Daintree forest :cheer:





Wolferis about to show his bits to the backpackers at PK’s :ohmy:

House in da House

To be continued :cheer:

[simon burkeMember]

yeah yeah…it’s coming
here’s a teaser :cheer:

Its going to be an epic ride report. Just waiting on Gero’s and Houses photos and vids .. so I don’t miss a thing.
Will be posted in trail ride report section so Snowy and Menace don’t have to read it in the out door dunny with the lights off

[simon burkeMember]

Good 2 see your still in one piece Andy
Would have been a ball tearer of a ride :cheer:
Any pics ? :huh:
Bol :woohoo:

[simon burkeMember]

mad bastards :ohmy:

[simon burkeMember]

Happy birthday Kev Dog
You ol roota :cheer:
Bol :woohoo:

[simon burkeMember]

Onya Eags
vanilla slice and a cappuccino ?
You crazy guy :laugh:
Good 2 see u out on 2 wheels fella
Thanks 4 the RR :cheer:
Bol :woohoo:

[simon burkeMember]

Cheers for the kind words…up yours to the smart arses
Snowy did an xray for me yesterday..a clean break so no surgery or plates :cheer:
downloading photos and vids today…this bloody ride report will take forever..left handed..one letter at a time..i think I need a PA :blink:
Adventure ride report Snowy ??? HaHaHa :laugh: :laugh:
Bol :woohoo:

[simon burkeMember]

happy birthday polly
i’m back and trying to type left handed…what a bitch :laugh:
hope you had a good day old boy
Bol :woohoo:

[simon burkeMember]

Finished the trip :cheer:
sore as a bastard :sick:
sitting on liberty beach overlooking the torres straights drinking tinnies
Awesome trip.full report when I get home
Bol :woohoo:

[simon burkeMember]

No Good Mick
6 weeks?
Geez your gunna get fat :laugh:
Bol :woohoo:

[simon burkeMember]

my wifes 40th birthday weekend :ohmy:
Oh F%#@ :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
This will be interesting :huh:

there is no God

Bol :woohoo:

[Author]

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