[Dwayne OMember]

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: “Sir, did you call for me?” Bob replies: “No, what do you mean?” She says: “You must be new here; let me explain. It’s a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me.” Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says: “Sir, did you call for me?” Bob replies: “No, what do you mean?” The Huge Man: “You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me.” The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him.

Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist: “May I help you?” Bob says: “Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee.” Receptionist: “But Sir, you’ve only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities…..”Bob replies: “Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on twice a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks.”

[Dwayne OMember]

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day.
The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you know what ,,,I tried with my right hand…nothing. So, I tried with my left hand…nothing. My wife tried with her right hand…nothing. Her left hand…nothing. Her mouth…nothing.
Then my wife’s mother tried. Right hand, left hand, with her teeth in, with her teeth out….still nothing.
Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife’s mother tried too?!
Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn’t get the lid off of the specimen cup.

Boom Boom

[Dwayne OMember]

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

“You’re a goblin,” she says, “I caught you and you owe me three wishes!”. So the goblin replies “OK, you caught me fair and square, what’s your first wish?”. The woman stops and thinks for a second, “I want a huge mansion to live in.”, goblins replies “OK, you’ve got it.”. Woman again thinks it over, “My second wish is a Mercedes.” “OK, you’ve got that too.” “My last wish is a million dollars!”. The goblin then says “OK, you’ve got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me.” “OK then, if that’s what it takes…”

Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.

“Tell me,” says the man, “how old are you?” “I’m 27”, she replies

“Fuck me”, says the man, “27 and you still believe in goblins”

:laugh :laugh: :laugh: :

[Dwayne OMember]

I too have a similar story to tell, not as bad as poor old mate in the first post, but shows how stuffed up our system is,,,,

Yesterday at Mungo Brush, yes the family day out trip, the old man told us about a family that had camped at the other end of the park a few days before.

Apparently the Ranger had turned up to collect Camping Fees, which they do on a daily basis, and when he asked a woman that was there with her kids at a tent for her $10 for the night she answered with “I AINT GIVING YOU NOTHIN`”
The Ranger then looked around towards the husband who replied something like “ARE YOU F@%*%^#G LOOKING AT ME MATE, CAUSE I`LL CUT YA THROAT :blink: He supposedly pulled a knife out at the same time :dry: :unsure: :angry:
The Ranger left them alone, radioed the cops which are situated some distance away, but the reccommendation from them was to leave it alone, post them a fine for not paying the fees as it wasn`t worth their while to drive up there as they might be gone before they arrive & it`s only the Rangers word against theirs on the allegations of the threat anyway :angry:

WTF is wrong with our society & the SYSTEM these days ???????????

[Dwayne OMember]

Damn you Boony,,,,

Now I have been up in the shed for the last 3 hours in an attempt to sort out my own mess :laugh:
It has been a bit dodgy for a couple of months now, since we seemed to inherit some of the late Uncle`s belongings (cupboards, wheelchair etc) So much for the other relos assisting to gat rid of the stuff :blink:

[Dwayne OMember]

tf2 wrote:

Quote:

the goanas are pretty friendly up there. when i was 18 we did a trip up there, cooked a full leg of lamb in the ashes almost kiwi hungi style. we finsished the meat off the leg then a 2 metre goanna took of with the full bone. it climbed up a tree like in your pic with the bone and swallowed the whole bone which was a full lamb leg, fimur and calf swallowed most of it then choked and spewed it out on to my mates hilux from 6 or so metres up leaving a huge dint in his roof. :angry:

:laugh: Maybe friendly to people ???? But the Old Man told me that the day before we went there, the goannas were wrestling at the water`s edge and actually dragging each other in to hold down in attempts to drown each other :blink: Even shoving their opponent in under the undercut bank on the edge to get a better dominant position :S

Nasty Stuff I reckon :laugh:

[Dwayne OMember]

WikdBeemer wrote:

Quote:

Boony wrote:

Quote:

any hints on how to keep a shed neat and tidy,whilst still using it for what sheds are meant for????

Clean it up (you might need a broom and a skip bin or use ebay) then keep it locked with secret key location only you know so it stays that way.

I think Boony just might be the cause of the mess in his shed :laugh:
Cleaning it up may not be the only fix

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[Dwayne OMember]

:woohoo:
That Fiddy sounds like a wicked machine too TB will be pleased to hear about it no doubt,,,

As for the Map reader etc, speak to Ecks,,, hid bro in law (Dave Finlay) did the Safari this year on a Husky 610 He might have some contacts or even be willing to part with his(unless he`s gonna do it again) which would be another good read for us

All the best amyway with the setup if you go ahead with it mate
See here http://www.obtrailriders.com/index.php?option=com_kunena&Itemid=56&func=view&catid=2&id=44262

[Dwayne OMember]

BOLLOCKS wrote:

Quote:

nice one eages
Did u wear your safari suit?
would look good with white boots :cheer:

you a legend ol mate :cheer:

Bol :woohoo:

WTF,,, Safari Suit,,,, NO I didn`t :laugh:
ANd what is this fetish wit the white boots

Stop it or people will start talking :laugh: you know how easy it starts around here :blink:

[Dwayne OMember]

mal5.1 wrote:

Quote:

Excellent. Congrats on the new job mate.

Keep us posted on the spep by step plan.

Thanx Mal
And yes I will keep ya`s posted on the plan as it unfolds

Cheers

[Dwayne OMember]

mal5.1 wrote:

Quote:

Good stuff Eagle.

Domestic credit overload :laugh:

That`s the idea Mal, I have a plan for the next year & I am working on it as of NOW
It does involve wheels

Ssssssshhhhh BE quiet, it is a secret around the Nest :blink:

I also got the call for the job I was waiting on, you know the one we spoke about
Alls good, starting on the 11th Jan!!! So i might now get a little break over Xmas with the family before it starts off :woohoo:

Thats step 1 in the Plan achieved :cheer:

[Dwayne OMember]

:laugh:
Nah,,, That`s Michelle & my mum on the left,,, the Old Man & one of his fishin` buddies on the right,,, I AM TAKING THE PIC

Thats it, ok :laugh:

And YES it was s good day out, nice place, until the crowds hit it next week

[Dwayne OMember]

Yes Welcomr to the Nutfarm Andrew :laugh:

You will hopefully find a few riding bubbies up that way from on here, other than that, if you are willing to trqvel a bit south you will have untold riding buddies & endless trails to ride on

Big Call on the XR owners Mick :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :blink:

I`m sure someone on here will set out to prove you wrong :woohoo:

[Dwayne OMember]

Looks like the Falcoon could do with a trip to Dan`s again for the Magic Corner Clean :laugh:

[Dwayne OMember]

Yeah, Thats it,,,,

we only need one MOTO :blink: that`s plenty :laugh:

[Author]

Posts