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I plan on being by the pool by noon on Friday sipping fizzy drinks.
Gaz
I Lost My Part-Time Job With Lifeline…..
I don’t know why I was just sacked from my job with Lifeline.
They just wouldn’t talk to me about it.
Here’s what happened ……
A bloke phoned and said, “I’m Abdul Mohammed, and I’m going to kill myself.
I’m lying on the railway track now waiting for the train to come”!All I said was …..
“Remain calm and stay on the line” !
When I was a kid, if I didn’t wake up with an erection on Christmas morning, I had nothing to play with. And whats more, if I did, I had to share it with my sister.
Bluey goes to an outdoor show and wins a tinnie.
He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says,“What you gonna do with that. There’s no water deep enough to
float a boat within 160 Klms of here.”He says, “I won it and I’m gonna keep it.”
His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees
the wife and asks where his brother is.She says, “He’s out there in his tinnie”,
pointing to the paddock behind the house.The brother heads out behind the house and sees his
brother in the middle of a paddock sitting in the
tinnie with a fishing rod in his hand …….
He yells out to him, “What are you doing?”His brother replies, “I’m fishing. What the hell does it look like I’m a doing?”
His brother yells, “It’s people like you that give people from Queensland
a bad name, making everybody think we’re stupid. If
I could swim, I’d come out there and kick your arse!”Please add me to the Saturday breky list.
Gaz
I saw a car parked outside Woollies with a bumper sticker that said ‘I miss Alice Springs’.
So I smashed the windows, stole the radio, let the tyres down & left several empty VB cans on the back seat with a note saying ‘hope this helps’.—
.The Gay Cowboy…
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the
ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to
place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand..Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else
applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be
safer to have him around the house than the drunk.He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day
and knew a lot about ranching.For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well
Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You
have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You
should go into town and kick up your heels.” The hired hand
readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return.
Two o’clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the
room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace
with a glass of wine, waiting for him.She quietly called him over to her..
“Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. “Now take off my boots.”
He did as she asked, ever so slowly. “Now take off my socks.”
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.“Now take off my skirt.”
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the
fire light.“Now take off my bra..” Again, with trembling hands, he did as
he was told and dropped it to the floor.Then she looked at him and said, “If you ever wear my clothes
into town again, you’re fired.”Hi Maso,
Thanks for the update. I would prefer a leisurely iide rather than a mad dash to get back to the start point by a particular time. That said, I’m happy to go with the majority on this. As far as fuel is concerned, I will fill my bladder and strap it to the DR.
Gaz
After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a colonoscopy in Florida, I decided to have my next one carried out while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the California nurses are allegedly much more gentle and accommodating…not to mention attractive.
As I lay naked on my side on the table, a very gorgeous nurse came in and began my procedure.
“Don’t worry, at this stage of the procedure it’s quite normal to get an erection,” the nurse told me.
“I haven’t got an erection,” I replied.
“No, but I have,” replied the nurse.
Don’t get a colonoscopy in San Francisco
I got home from work and found the missus had left a post-it note on the fridge saying
“It’s no good, it’s not working, I’m staying at mums for a while”I opened it, the light came on, the beer was well chilled.
F$%k knows what she was on about?
As Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport, President Obama strides to a warm and dignified
reception from the Queen. They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where
they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses.
They continue on towards Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons;
all is going well.Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the
British Empire. The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs over
their noses.
The fart shakes the coach, but the two dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident.
The Queen turns to President Obama, ” Mr. President, please accept my regrets…
I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control.”
Obama, always trying to be “Presidential,” replied: “Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought…
Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses.”So anyway, I’m behind this prick who can’t f$%king drive. Weaving all over the place and hasn’t got a f$%king clue.
I’m roaring, “You f$%king Paki bastard, learn to drive!! And while you’re at it, why don’t you F$%k off back to your own country, you smelly prick.. You know what the cheeky bastard did? He stopped and said, “Get out of my taxi!”Thanks Maso,
Will wait on your findings
Gaz
Hi Guys,
As I will be coming up with Krusty for this weekend, please put me down for the ADV ride on the Saturday. Can I have information regarding fuel as I only have a stock tank on my DR650 and it won’t cut the mustard on 312K’s.
Gaz
October 29, 2012 at 9:26 pm in reply to: 2 day full Navigation ride 3rd and 4th of November from St Albans #231588I have a bladder available if anyone needs one. Will be at St Albans Friday arvo so let me know.
Gaz
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