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Mohammad’s first day at school
Mohammad entered his classroom on the first day of school.
“What’s your name?” asked the teacher.
“Mohammad,” he replied.
“You’re in New Zealand now,” replied the teacher, “So from now on you
will be known as Kevin.”
Mohammad returned home after school.
“How was your day, Mohammad?” his mother asked.
“My name is not Mohammad. I’m in New Zealand and now my name is Kevin.”
“Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your
parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!”
And his mother beat him. Then she called his father, who beat him again.
The next day Mohammad returned to school. The teacher saw all of his
bruises. “What happened to you, Kevin?” she asked.
“Well miss, shortly after becoming a Kiwi, I was attacked by two
f#%king Arabs.”What causes arthritis?
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, “Say Father, what causes arthritis?”
The priest replies, “My Son, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, Sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.”
The drunk muttered in response, “Well, I’ll be damned, ” Then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologised. “I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”
The drunk answered, “I don’t have it, Father.
I was just reading here that the Pope does.”MORAL: Make sure you understand the question before offering the answer.
There are 2 Bulls standing on top of a hill looking down at all the female cows. 1 old bull and 1 young bull
The youg bull says, lets run down the hill and F$%K one of them !
The old bull says, let just walk down and F$%K the lot of them.That was quick, Chicken gets the front and Tubby gets the rear. I will drop them at your place this week.
Gaz
Jokes Thread that is :silly: :blink:
I’ve just woken up in the back row as well. What happened to the okes thread :blink:
September 11, 2012 at 11:44 pm in reply to: I dodged a bullet, something you should all read. #222891Hi All,
Well it was back to the surgeon yesterday for a post op check up and then to the Haematologist for the results. It turns out that I do in fact have lymphoma however, it is not of the agressive type. For those that read my last post, I pointed out that my white blood cells were in fact very low. Since the removal of the large Node in my groin, my whites have improved quite a lot and the Dr is happy with my progress. It has been determined not to put me through Kemo at this point however, it is now a wait and see game over the next 12 months. Though I do have the Devil within, it appears that at this stage that it is currnetly having a Nanna nap. To simplify what I’m saying is this. If the Lion is laying peacefully in its cage, don’t go poking a stick at it. Moving forward, I will return to the specialist every 3 months to check on my progress and the decision to begin treatment will be based on the results of these revisits and tests.
In summation, Yes I have dodged a Bullet for now.
All he best Gaz
September 3, 2012 at 11:12 pm in reply to: I dodged a bullet, something you should all read. #222889I thought I should bump this thread for those out there that like me, think that they are in fact bullet proof.
After some months of dicking around thinking should I go to the Doctors or not in regards to a lump in the groin has not done me any good at all.
We start with a visit to th GP. Then it’s off for blood tests and 3 Ultrsounds. This is followed by a trip to the Haematologist that discovers more bumps and lumps that you could poke a stick at.
Off again for yet more blood tests and a full body CT scan both of these now confirm that the Devil is within me.
That said, I am now having a bone and marrow biopsy this Thursday morning and then its off to surgery after that to have the lump in my groin removed for biopsy as well. After the results are known of both of these procedures and the jury comes back in, I have to meet with the Haemotologist again next Tuesday to discuss the next plan of attack.In summation, had I gone to the Quack 12 months ago, chances are I might not be in the position that I currently find myself in. So the message to all you hardcore dirt and Gay ADV riders, if you think something is not quite right, man up and see a doctor.
Will post in this thread again on the return of the Jury next week.
Stay well now. Gaz
Thanks Moto,
Yes it does crackle abit when you back of the gass. So I will get it looked at so that I don’t do any damage to my valves or what ever.
Will talk to the Left one a see if this is something he can sort out for me.
Cheers Gaz
Well as you are all aware, I recently purchased a new DR650. It was imbarrasing to ride as a Postie bike made more noise than it. So I fitted a new exhaust yesterday and it now sounds like a dirt bike.
Out of this comes a question : Do I now need to alter the fuel mixture to suit this new exhaust or do I just do nothing but enjoy the new sound.
Any tips would be appreciated.
Gaz
Great work Guys. The site looks fantastic
Here’s one of Boonit on his Kato
http://smh.drive.com.au/motor-news/deer-me-motorcyclist-v-wild-20120810-23yed.html
Have some champagne
A chicken farmer went to a local bar and sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, “How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!”
“What a coincidence,” the chicken farmer says. “This is a special day for me. I am celebrating”
“This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!” says the woman.
“What a coincidence!” says the chicken farmer! As they clink glasses the man asked, “What are you celebrating?”
“My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!”
“What a coincidence,” says the man. “I’m a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.”
“That’s great!’ says the woman. “How did your chickens become fertile?”
“I used a different cock,” he replied.
The woman smiled and said, “What a coincidence!”
A real woman is a man’s best friend.
She will never stand him up and never let him down.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comforts him after a bad day.
She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.
She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.
She will make sure he always feels as though he’s the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible…No wait…Sorry….
I’m thinking of beer. It’s beer that does all that shit.
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hit the Middle East.
Two million Muslims died and over a million were injured.
Iraq and Iran are totally ruined and the governments don’t know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock.
The USA is sending troops to help.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Latin American countries are sending supplies.
New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian continents are sending labour to assist in rebuilding infrastructure.
Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.Australians, not to be outdone, are sending two million replacement Muslims.
God Bless Australia
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