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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16K6m3Ua2nw&feature=related
Telling the truth for a change. Very interesting indeed.
THE CARDIOLOGIST’S FUNERAL
This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral…
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral
by the hospital he worked for most of his life.
A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all
the doctors from the hospital sat in awe.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed,
sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at
him, he said, “I’m so sorry… I was just thinking of my own funeral.”“I’m a gynecologist.”
The Priest fainted
OK thanks any way there will be other rides
TB, I would like to join this on the new DR. Will need to discuss the fuel part as I have no idea what the pig will do on a std tank. I do have a bladder though.
Gaz
My wife was screaming at me:
“Leave! Get out of this house!” she ordered.
As I was walking out the door she yelled,
“I hope you die a slow and painful death!”
So I turned around and replied,
“So now you want me to stay?”
Kiwi Clock…..
Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night,
a drunk Kiwi led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall.
‘What’s that big brass gong for ?’ one of the friend’s asked.
‘Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking Australian clock’ he drunkenly replied.
‘A talking Australian clock – seriously ?’
‘Yup.’ ‘Hmmm (hic).’
‘How’s it work ?’ the second friend asked, squinting at it.
‘Just watch’ he said.
He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an ‘ear-shattering bash’ and stepped back.
His three mates stood looking at one another for a moment in astounded silence.
Suddenly, an Australian voice from the other side of the wall screamed,
‘For f*#k’s sake, you stupid Kiwi prick. It’s ten past three in the f*#kng morning !!!’
A married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon when suddenly the wife realized that her husband had “disappeared”.
The somewhat irate spouse called her mates mobile phone and demanded: ” Where the hell are you? “
Husband: ” Darling, d’you remember that jeweller’s shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn’t have money that time and I said Baby it’ll be yours one day. “
Wife, with a smile blushing: “Yes, I remember that my love. “
Husband: “Well, I’m in the Pub right next to that. “
Hey Jeffro,
No mate, you are the number 1 bike whore on this site. I sold the DR400 not long after the last Camerons trip. Looking forward to catching up with you soon . I’m keeping the Hog even though I will have to wait for suitable weather to ride it. Dirt bikes, dirt and rain just go together I reckon.
Gaz
“YA KNOW, WHEN I WAS 25 AND GOT A HARD-ON,
I COULDN’T BEND IT WITH BOTH HANDS.BY THE TIME I WAS 50, I COULD BEND IT ABOUT
10 DEGREES IF I TRIED REAL HARD.BY THE TIME I WAS 60, I COULD BEND IT
20 DEGREES, NO PROBLEM.I’M GONNA BE 70 NEXT WEEK, AND I CAN BEND IT
IN HALF WITH JUST ONE HAND.”“SO, WHAT’S YOUR POINT?”
“WELL, I’M JUST WONDERING
HOW MUCH STRONGER AM I GONNA GET?
Hi All,
I have 2 Happy Camper Lamb Shank Meals and 3 Meals that you add hot water to left over from my Cameron Corner trip. All meals are well inside their use by date. Anybody with a trip coming up is welcome to them. (Freebies)
PM me if you want them.
Gaz
A teacher’s story about Stuttering
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. “Human beings are the only animals that stutter,’ she says.
A little girl raises her hand. I had a kitty-cat who stuttered..’ The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,
asked the girl to describe the incident.“Well,” she began, ‘I was in the back yard with my kitty
and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!’ That must’ve been scary,’ said the teacher. ‘It sure was,’ said the little girl.‘My kitty raised her back, went “Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF,” but before she could say ‘Fuck-off !,’ the Rottweiler ate her!
The teacher had to leave the room.
A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.
She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps..
He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.
As they walked through the ape exhibit,
They passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.
Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.
He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.
He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.
He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin.
She did…. and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.
“Now….. show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him,” he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips.
Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.
“Now. Tell HIM you have a headache.”An elderly woman was walking on the golf course in Canberra when she slipped and fell on the damp grass.
Julia Gillard, who was behind her by chance, helped her to get up promptly.
She thanked her and she answered: “It was a pleasure to help you. Don’t you recognize me? I’m your Prime Minister.
Are you going to vote for me in the next election?”
The elderly woman laughed and replied: “I fell on my ass … not my head!”Stew died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.
The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Mick and Paddy.
The three men had always done everything together.
Mick arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,
Mick said, ‘Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over’
The mortician rolled him over and Mick said, ‘Nope, ain’t Stew.’
The mortician thought this was rather strange.
So he brought Paddy in to confirm the identity of the body.
Paddy looked at the body and said, ‘Yup, he’s pretty well burnt up.
Roll him over.’
The mortician rolled him over and Paddy said, ‘No, it ain’t Stew. ‘
The mortician asked, ‘How can you tell?’
Paddy said, ‘Well, Stew had two assholes.’
‘What? He had two assholes?’ asked the mortician.
‘Yup, we never seen ’em, but everybody used to say:
‘There’s Stew with them two assholes.’
TB,You talked me into it.
Now add me to the list please
Gaz
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